We're in the wrong gender!
by ShadowWords21
Summary: With all the randomness and adventures the boys and everyone else have went through in the past year, they think they can handle it all! Then the most bizarre thing happened. The South Park 4th graders wake up... in the wrong gender?
1. Kenny

**Author's note:**

***These SP characters have been changed slightly- their personalities may not be QUITE intact and my own OC's have been added. And don't be afraid to straight out and message me if the story has to less of detail or you think it isn't exciting enough. I would love to hear from you and I would like to hear advice to make my FanFic's suit you better!  
**

_Kenny's POV first:_

I yawn. It had to be, like, 12 pm right now.

I don't know how I woke up, I usually have to be dragged out of bed in the morning. But right now, I feel an eerie presence. My body feels as heavy as lead.

My eyelids wilt. It feels as if my eyelids had weights attached to them. I sat up and stretched my aching whole body. I clenched my fists.

"That's weird." I thought. I looked at my nails. They were pointed and looked like they've had a pedicure.

The air had a dull sense of pressure. It seemed to whisper 'Look in the mirror'.

I had a urge to look in the mirror. I can't really explain it. Like my internal instinct was crying something was wrong about my physical characteristics.

I didn't want to get out of bed. Even though I wasn't tired anymore, I just had this warm feeling in my bed I rarely get. Like my whole body has melted and grown onto the prehistoric and creaky bed.

I extended my hands in the air. Suddenly, something brushed against my back. I felt my head.

"That's strange." I grumbled to myself.

I managed to get up. I walked sluggishly to my bedroom mirror. My legs were resisting what my brain was telling them to do and mourning for me to just go back to bed and go back into a deep slumber.

I looked in the mirror. I expected the same old' dirty blond hair on a round 4th grader face completed with big brown eyes.

I don't know why I felt so weird until I looked in the mirror. The dirty blond hair and the handsome 4th grade face was now gone.

Instead, I think I saw lengthy, unruly, shiny blond hair going down to my mid back and massive, brown orbs with extensive eyelashes attached. I could actually see my mouth, which are now luscious cherry pink lips instead of fractured, chapped ones. I glimpsed downward and was alarmed at what lay before my eyes. My parka is now an ancient looking, light orange shirt with many random patches placed throughout the aged piece of cloth. I wore long, shady blue skinny jeans with many holes, showing off my grubby knees. In all perspectives, I looked like a cowgirl. I rubbed my weary eyes in both confusion and instinct. I was still a girl.

I looked around my room and spied a dingy orange scarf laying on my bed. I picked it up and immediately wrapped it around my face. I felt a wave of relief hit me when I hid my face from ruthless outside world.

"Man, I knew I shouldn't have eaten that leftover bagel before I went to bed." I reminded myself, thinking this was some kind of trick or something. I hit my head a few times and rubbed my eyes. I was still a girl.

I pressed my ears against the thin walls of my bedroom to make sure both Karen and Kevin were asleep so I wouldn't disturb them. When I knew the coast was clear, I opened my creaky bedroom door and tiptoed out.

I waddled to the bathroom and prayed it was just the lighting or something that made me look like a girl. I turned on the lights. I was still a girl with shiny, long hair and eyelashes about an inch long and unbrushed golden hair. I turned on the rusty faucet. I took off the orange scarf and stared in the mirror.

When the water started coming out, I splashed it all over my face, hoping that the girl face was just some kind of optical illusion or something or it would melt off.

I dried my face with a crusty towel on the sink. I rubbed my eyes and I made sure I was conscious. When I finally knew I was awake enough, I washed my face once more and dried it, all doing so closing my eyes.

I inched toward the mirror. I felt as if I was looking into my own grave. I finally got the guts to face the harsh reality and cracked open one eye. The reflection was still a girl, looking fearful of what she was about to see.

I pinched my cheeks, hoping Kevin didn't put some mask on my face. That is something my heartless, alcoholic brother would do. I mean, he is only thirteen and he is rarely sober. He is so unlike Karen and I that I can't even believe were related.

Yep, it wasn't a mask. It was skin.

"This can't be real." I said to myself, with a hint of worry I could detect in my new feminine voice.

I tugged my long blond hair, hoping it was a truly good-quality wig and it would reveal my real hair. I think I jerked so hard my scalp had just been let out a new size.

I was about to screech for help, but then I knew that my parents or my brother would punish me or something. I had now concluded I had just gender swapped. Or it was a dream. I pinched and twisted my skin. Nothing happened.

Maybe I wasn't sober. Maybe I had so many drinks last night I don't even remember it.

No…that can't be right. I was at Stan's house all afternoon yesterday playing video games and playing kickball with him and Kyle. Maybe someone drugged me. I ran through all the excuses I could come up with in my head and tried to reassure myself that I was still a boy and this was all some sick reality I had been stuck into and it would get better shortly.

Maybe Eric didn't like the fact we didn't invite him over and this was one of his cruel, sick-minded jokes. Yeah, he would definitely do something like that. I mean, he gave Kyle AIDS once for Christ's sake!

I bashed my head against the wall a few times, hoping it was just a dream once again. Or I could possibly kill myself and find me in the bed in my old parka again next morning.

"Oh Jesus Christ. How are the guys going to respond?" I asked myself, just In case my eyes aren't lying to me.

All I did next was jump on my bed, pinching myself to sleep, praying this was all a dream.


	2. Stan

****Authors note****: I'm not really sure if I did well in this chapter...please review!**_  
_

_Stan's POV:_

"BEEP BEEP BEEP!" My alarm clock screamed at max volume. My eyes instantly flew open in fear.

I immediately turned the volume down, afraid I woke Shelly up and she would pummel me to a pulp.

I peeked at the time, 2 am. Godammit! I set it to the wrong time.

I yawned. I rubbed my eyes groggily.

I laid my head down onto my pillow and tried to go back asleep. I pinched my eyes shut. Right before I went into dreamland, I reached for my blanket to cover me up.

I expected it to be my soft, blue blanket but instead I grabbed a fistful of…long raven hair? I sat up to investigate what was wrong. I stretched my throbbing back and moaned in grogginess.

Something brushed against my back. Instinctively, I turned around immediately. Nothing. Suddenly, as if a wave had hit me, I felt very odd. My wavy bangs almost brushed against my eyes. I felt the back of head to see what was wrong. A headband was there. I took one glance at my clothes and I almost screamed in terror. I was wearing a light blue mini skirt with black leggings. My shirt was red and had the Queef sisters, not Terrance and Phillip anymore. I definitely didn't wear a skirt and headband to bed.

I rubbed my eyes swiftly and opened them extensive, hoping that I was so tired I wasn't thinking straight. I stared at my clothes some more, hoping it would melt or something bizarre like that would happen.

I walked to my drawers to see if I could change into my regular clothes. As I yanked open the drawer, I gasped, terrified at what I was seeing. All there was in there were skirts, blouses, girly jeans, underwear, and girly t-shirts. I gaped in horror. I looked toward my bedroom doorknob to see my jacket. It looked pretty much the same, except now instead of bright red it was pinkish red. Some relief in me fell over that I could cover up my clothes and say the pinkish parts were just the wash or something like that. I knocked my head a few times to see if I was still thinking straight.

I breathed deeply and attempted to calm myself down.

I quickly walked to the bathroom, hoping my eyes played a trick on me or I was going crazy.

I turned on the lights, frantically. Before I opened my eyes, I quickly splashed water on my face to really wake me up. I slowly inched toward the mirror, feeling tough yet anxious. I really just wanted to go to bed and pray this was just a dream. But, at the same time, part of me was saying this fear was bullcrap. Part of me still expected wavy black hair on a regular 4th grade face looking bored. I opened my eyes in part fear and part boredom.

I exclaimed:

"Oh my god…"

My hair is what I noticed first. My locks were midnight black, as usual, but now it seemed more crimped and glossier. My raven hair seemed bouncier and it went all the way down to my hips. I was really tempted to reach for the scissors and cut it all off. My eyes seemed like massive, polished baby blue orbs attached to new lashes that had grown in magnificent length and were vibrant and stood out. I even wore a blue and red headband instead of my puffball hat. My cheeks are now swirled a rosy, creamy pale tan. I wore a red Queef sisters T-shirt and dark blue jeans with holes. I looked like a girl. I put my hands on my face, pinching and compressing the skin to make sure this wasn't just some ruthless joke Shelly has done to make my life more dismal and depressing.

"Shelly. That turd" I grumbled.

I think it was when I pinched my cheeks so hard that they actually started to turn a deep crimson color before I concluded it was my real face.

I think my mind finally caught up with reality because without even thinking, I screamed.

I hastily covered my mouth with my hands.

"SHUT UP TURD!" I heard Shelly's screechy voice scream through her bedroom door. I froze at my spot and stayed that way until I heard the house settling again. I finally sedated my flexed muscles and went back to the crisis situation.

"This…this has to be a dream." I said to myself reassuringly. I tried to smile.

I stared long and hard into the bathroom mirror. I focused on my eyes as if it were an impossible staring contest with the mirror. I reached for my blue eyes and stretched the bottom lid to make sure that my eyes haven't messed up somehow. I looked in my mouth and hoped it was something I ate for dinner last night that made me crazy. When I made sure nothing was wrong with me, I closed my eyes and sat on the toilet. I reviewed all the possibilities I could do next in my life to save me the least amount of trouble (Which is already challenging since I've befriended Eric Cartman), embarrassment ( Which is tough enough already with my crazy family), and without going completely insane (Which is also demanding because of the crap that goes on in South Park). I tried to relax and converge.

**What I could do:**

**1. Tell my parents. **_**NO I can't do that. My mom will just overreact and my dad will just act stupid and drink til' he drops so he forgets it.  
**_

**2. Go to school **_**Probably going to do so….please God, NOOOOOO**_

**3. Call Kyle **_**Maybe…**_

**4. Run away **_**Maybe…**_

**5. Pray to god that this isn't reality**

I looked in the mirror one last time to make sure I wasn't stuck in some made up dreamland or even Imaginationland. I was yearning to go back into my old Stan Marsh body. Maybe I wasn't sober when I gazed in the mirror. Ever since I recovered from being a cynical asshole, I drink whiskey once in a while.

I was still a girlish version of me.

If I go to school today, the guys are definitely going to notice. Check that, anyone that comes in a ten feet diameter will notice me. I tried to look at the bright side (If there was one). I guess I was kind of glad I wasn't Kyle that turned into a girl. Eric would NEVER drop that topic.

I put my hand on the chilly mirror, hoping my reflection wouldn't do the same. I put my hands on my shoulders and knees. The reflection did the same as I did. I didn't know what to do next so I decided just to go to bed. Before I went to bed, I prayed.

"Dear God. This is Stanley Marsh. If you are hearing this, please answer. I know I sin and all that, but please forgive me and grant me this wish. I want my girlish body to be gone when I wake up. If you do so, I promise I will never call Eric Cartman a big fatass again. I promise you that I will never puke on Wendy Testaburger again. And I will promise I will never help creepy woodland critters in the real world and help them give birth to an anti-christ and have Santa Claus murder the woodland critters and Kyle won't die of AIDS two weeks later. Thank you for listening." I sighed and rest my stiff head down on my pillow.

"Oh Jesus Christ…how are the guys going to pick on me this time?" I whispered to myself and I fell into a deep and terrified slumber.


	3. Kyle

****Author****'****s note: I'm probably going to only do Eric next. If want me to write about someone else's reaction in S.P., leave a message or a review. **

_Kyle's POV:_

I slowly cracked my eyes open with an painful feeling in my eyes.

"AHH!" I yelled. The light in my eyes were blinding me. Spots were already forming in my eyes and the sharp pain in my eyes grew two times bigger.

"Ike!" I said, angrily. He was shining a flashlight in my eyes. I wake up in a very grumpy mood and being disrupted from my sleep is even _worse._

"Ky-le. Kayhle. Yu are a gurl." He stuttered. I think he was trying to explain something to me but I didn't listen. My anger got the best of me (As usual) and I lost it.

"What? Please get out of my room!" I exclaimed, even though I didn't understand a word he just uttered out. Nor did I care what he said. I wake up in an extremely terrifying mood. I've broken nine clocks out of pure annoyance and frustration already...this month.

"Kayhele-! U aree a gurl!" He shrilled into my ear, waving the flashlight all around like a madman. In the back of my mind, he looked worried and I wanted to know what he was saying. But my badly managed temper had already bottled up inside of me and I decided to go along with my eviler side.

I grabbed him and carried him to my bedroom door. I quickly opened the door and heaved him out of my room. How the hell get in my room in the first place? I slammed the door. Half of me already has regretted doing so but I decided to just sleep on it.

"KayhellE!" He yelled through the door. Ike didn't give me that option.

I ignored Ike and glanced at the clock. 6:30. Goddmmit! It is 30 minutes before I actually have to get up and Ike bothered me! I was really steamed.

"KAYLE!" Ike yelled, pounding on the door. He reminded me of Cartman for a second, always mispronouncing my name by saying: 'keeyle, kayele, keyle, kheyl'.

I furiously walked to the door. I tried to calm myself down. Didn't work. I angrily opened the door and stared at Ike. He kept saying:  
"Kayle! Luk in te mirror!" He seemed kind of concerned.

I could only stare at him in anger, confusion, and grogginess.

"Kayhele!" Instead of Ike, I now saw Cartman's face on a little baby body. Damn do I hate him. My patience was shortening at a magnificent speed and I chose to do what gets him running in fear every time.

"Kick the baby!" I said, trying to get him out of my way.

"Don't kik te damn baby!" He cried out and he ran away.

_That should take care of it._ I thought. Yeah, yeah, it's very cruel of me to do that say stuff to Ike like that. I can be a cranky idiot if I want to be. But everyone must understand I wake up in a very bad mood. And I had the best dream ever at the time. Bebe and I were at a-wait…I'm not telling you that.

"KAYHELE!" Ike yelled through the door.

"WHAT?" I said, furiously.

"MIRROR!" He yelled and pounded on the door. I rolled my eyes, as if I was actually going to do so this early in the morning, only to see…red locks going down to my eyebrows. I looked at my hair suspiciously. That's when I eyed…pigtails growing out of my scalp? Wait...what?

I rushed toward my mirror, to see what kind of hair I had. I wasn't really freaked out or anything. I could get my hair back to normal with enough cutting.

I opened my eyes to see…

A girl is staring back at me?

I rubbed my eyes. Was there someone else in this room? I scanned around only to find no one but myself. I knew I was wide awake so this wasn't a dream. So then what's that staring back at me?

The reflection showed a red haired girl with coiled pigtails that went her upper back. My green hat was still on my/her head, like it always is, so I stuffed my hair into that. No amount of cutting could fix the patches of jungle hair. I guess I looked pretty much the same forehead and up, if you looked past the curlier bangs. Then the next problem was my face. I had paler skin than usual and bright lime green eyes with now more visible eyelashes. My lips were now a light pink and definitely were GIRL lips (In my opinion) . I almost threw up and looked disgusted at myself. Then…my clothes is what frightened me most of all.

I wore a clingy, bright orange sweater with stripes and the sweater went down to my mid thigh, light blue jeans, and a bracelet. I took off the super cheesy bracelet and tried to calm down myself.

Am I going crazy?

Maybe I am. I better ask Ike. But he is probably still pissed off at me for ignoring him and being so harsh so I grabbed some chocolate from my lunchbox I left over to try to calm him down. I opened the door to find Ike, PISSED.

He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. His beady Canadian eyes stared me down. I looked and blushed at him sheepishly. Then, I asked him:  
"Okay, you have to be honest...Do I look like a girl?" I was surprised with my higher pitched voice and stared at Ike awkwardly.

He nodded and gave me a hand held mirror. I looked the same as I did in my bedroom mirror. I rushed to the bathroom, hoping both Ike and I were imagining things. I frantically turned on the lights and looked into the mirror. I was the same as before, only more flustered and red.

I screamed. I covered my mouth with my now more feminine hands, afraid I had woken up my parents from their sleep. That was the LAST thing I wanted, my parents to find out. Check that, the last thing I wanted was my friends to find out. I was really tempted to call Stan and tell him what happened. I scratched that idea out of my head. No... I just couldn't.

Okay… I'm a girl. I didn't bother with questions, I took action.

I could just change my clothes and stuff my hair into my hat…I guess I would look pretty much the same. I ran back into my bedroom and quickly opened the drawers.

All there were was other girly stuff. This sweater and jeans were the best things I had. Am I going crazy? Maybe Cartman or Butters (I kinda feel bad for him. Always being taken advantage of and stuff) was trying to get back at me for being a Jew or something stupid like that. I pulled my hair to make sure it wasn't a wig. I think my scalp grew to a new size. I pinched and squeezed my face to make SURE this wasn't just makeup or just the lighting or whatever.

Nope. It was all reality. My eyes widened in horror at the harsh reality.

"Oh God, I can't show my parents…I'll have to go to school. How are the guys going to respond?" I said to both Ike and I. Ike just shrugged.


	4. Cartman

****Authors note: Next chapter will be basically part 1 of all my favorite minor characters all mashed unto one chapter. This includes Tweek, Butters (I count him minor), and Wendy and maybe Bebe. Part 2 will be Craig and Clyde. If you have any suggestions on characters don't be afraid to message me. Next chapter will be a longer one…**

**Cartman's POV:**

I stretched my back and yawned from a great night's sleep. I blinked a couple of time before bothering to check the clock. 7:30. I managed to turn my body to the side and put my feet into my cool slippers that light up (And yes, MEN DO WEAR SLIPPERS, to all you hippies out there). I scratched my head before slowly trudging to my bedroom drawers to change. I opened the drawer to put on my usual, a white shirt and my jacket with blue jeans, when I noticed something strange about my clothes.

They all looked girly and my jacket was smaller and pinkish. My regular white shirts were still there, but some of them had pink hearts on them.

"What?" I asked myself. I rubbed my eyes. I have to admit, I was in complete shock and I wanted to scream for mom. A queasy feeling in my stomach occurred and my face flushed.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEOM!"

I waited. After five blasted seconds of patient waiting I rolled my eyes.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM MMMMMMM!"

Then I realized that Kyle probably just replaced all my clothes and just wanted to piss me off. I hit my bed as if I was hitting him and exclaimed: "That dirty Jew rat!" I glared angrily at the class photo on my shelf that was taken a few weeks ago. My eyes screamed with rage as they darted at the part of the photo with Kyle (That was scribbled on with a red crayon and had an arrow pointing to it reading GINGER)

"Yes, snookums?" My mom said through her bedroom door after I made my realization.

I instantly realized I called for mom and just simply remarked:

"Nothing…nothing…"

"Okay, poopikins." Then I heard a bedroom door shut.

I didn't want that ugly Jew to piss me off. I decided to just pretend nothing happened, go to school, no one will notice, and I'll laugh in Kyle's face. I smiled deviously and decided to go with the plan. That dirty Jew making me angry was the last thing I needed.

I then just figured to dress as normally as I can and deal with the crap with Kyle later. I was really tired and I was almost late for the bus, so I decided to just shrug it off. I reached for the plainest, whitest shirt that was in there (A plain white T-shirt with a barely noticeable butterfly on the right side that could be easily hidden) That was the easy part. The hard part…my jacket.

Pink is the ugliest color for a jacket. I also noticed it was smaller. I rolled my eyes and decided to try to put it on. Kyle making fun of me being perfectly normal as big boned. I'm just buff and everyone knows. What was weird was that the jacket fit. Perfectly, actually. I walked toward the mirror to investigate what was wrong. I mean, I was smart enough to know that I couldn't lose that much muscle overnight.

My jaw dropped.

I think I almost screamed but I was able to choke down my horrors. My super handsome flat brown hair had grown to chin length. It was a lot thicker and a little wavy. Then I just sighed and rolled my eyes and thought of Kyle again. That hippie probably glued a wig onto my scalp. I tried pulling it out with my fists but instead of a wig I got a fistful of nothing. I tried a several more times before giving up. My face looked perfectly normal…other than my eyelashes looking longer. It wasn't really noticeable so I just shrugged it off. Nothing else was a problem.

My jeans looked perfectly normal and my boots haven't changed (Other than they're now meant for girls). As I was looking at myself in disbelief in the mirror, my mom barged in. I immediately buried my face into my jacket. I had two choices: a.) show my mom my face and let her fuss over it and she will gossip with the other moms and then Stan, Kyle, and Kenny will overhear and laugh or b.) Hide my face and pray. I decided to go with B and hid my face even more by wrapping my whole head in the jacket.

"Gumdrop, what would you like for breakfast?" Mom said as she kissed my jacket (Which was meant to be my head).

I cleared my voice and tried to mimic my old voice. I tried to sound sexy and manly to fit what I used to be.

"Well, I would like some bacon and some cheesy poofs and a lot of eggs and a buttery chocolate poptart." I answered as casually as I could.

My mom paused. I wondered why and cracked open one eye and shuffled the jacket so only my eye showed. She looked worried and slightly troubled.

"Eric, poopsikins, are you feeling alright? I don't want you to have a cold, pumpkin. Would you like to take that jacket off your darling little face, honey?"

"I'm fine, mom! Now make me some breakfast!" I demanded. I waited for her to get out of my room before removing the jacket from my face. I was almost caught. I searched in my closet for a coat with a hoodie. I fell sick to my stomach to find that the only coat I owned with a hood was blue with little baby cats scattered all over the bottom and pink hearts near the sides. I sighed and put on the coat and hid my face. I would rather be seen in this sick coat and lie that it was the new trend than to show my face.

"Oh god…please lemme survive." I said before finally cursing and trudging downstairs as if I was about to meet my death.


	5. Butters, Tweek, Wendy, Bebe

****Authors note: Chapter 5 is here peoples! This is the chapter with Butters, Tweek, Wendy, and Bebe. And I'm addressing people who have been gender swapped their original gender. For example: Stan was gender swapped, but I'm still addressing him as a HE. I may change this principal in later chapters. Ok...read on!  
**

**Butter's POV:**

"BUTTERS! BUTTERS! GET DOWN HERE IN TEN MINUTES OR YOUR GROUNDED!"

My eyes snapped open and I instantly looked at the clock. It was currently 7:00. I groaned and flopped back into bed. I didn't have to wake up _now._ But on the other hand, I didn't want to get grounded so I half heartedly made my way out of bed. My groggy head bobbed up and down, trying to balance on my tired neck as I slowly trudged my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and comb my yellow tuff of hair and put on the best smile I could. Today just felt like a bad, if not one of the worst, confusing, terrifying, puzzling days.

I slowly walked down the narrow hallway toward the bathroom, trying to make my way to the bathroom in the dim light since it was so early. I guess it was to slow cause then dad roared from downstairs in the kitchen: "IF YOU DON'T HELP CLEAN THE LIVING ROOM IN FIVE MINUTES YOU'RE GROUNDED MISTER!" My eyes widened in terror of the horrid of being grounded. I then heard my mom trying to get my dad to calm down. I think ever since I went missing in the Marjorine incident my mom has been more careful. I smiled at both my mom and how funny I looked as a girl.

When I made it to the bathroom, I opened the creaky door and stepped inside and let my soft bare feet touch the chilly tiles. I was really groggy, so I put toothpaste on my toothbrush and brushed my teeth with my eyes closed. When I spit out the toothpaste after brushing, I got a glimpse at myself in the mirror. I looked like Marjorine. My eyes opened in astonishment and I spit again, but this time in great consuming terror at myself.

I stared at myself in the mirror once more. I couldn't believe my reflection was Marjorine! I stared at a girl who looked a lot like me. She had banana yellow hair tied with dark green bows into two pigtails and a bow at the top of my head too. Last time, my hair was a wig, so I wasn't that all that concerned. My clothes were somewhat different to the ones I had last time. I wore a bluish whitish dress with a green bow in the middle. I thought the incident was kind of funny. It was very shocking, but I reminded myself it was just a wig and regular clothes are in my drawers. That's when I realized something.

"BUTTERS GET DOWN HERE!" My dad yelled. Then I heard my mom trying to talk him out of it again.

I sighed loudly and I pulled the wig off. The only problem is…it wasn't a wig! I kept lugging and tugging but it wouldn't come off! I rushed to my bedroom and opened the drawers hoping for a hat or something to cover it up.

I couldn't find any. In fact, all of my clothes were dresses or skirts or blouses!

I gulped. I was a girl. I was more worried about being grounded than what I looked like.

"Butters, sweetie? You don't have to clean the living room. You have to go to school today so get moving." My mom hollered from down the stairs. Then I heard my dad lecture my mom about tough parenting all over again, seeming oblivious to the fact that he thought I committed suicide just two weeks ago.

"Mom?" I exclaimed. My voice cracked.

"Yes?"

"C-Could you…um…please leave me alone for a while? I want to be a-a big boy and go to school myself." I frowned at the big boy part because clearly I didn't look like a boy anymore and I sounded like a big fat baby. I was just making plans to somehow miss school while sneaking out when my dad disturbed my thoughts.

"Alright Butters. I think you need to be more independent too. We'll be working in the garden so you'll be responsible on getting to school. When you get back, I want you to clean out the garage." I smiled at my luckiness. I guess my mom's newfound niceness rubbed off on him too.

"And you better not miss school! I'll call the principal to make sure!" My dad added.

"Have a nice day!" My mom said before I heard her walking out to help out with the garden. I'm pretty sure I heard my dad say: "I guess we don't have to ground him for being too dependent." I grinned at my luck but frowned at my next thought.

"Oh no. If dad's going to call the principal to make sure then I have to go to school…" I muttered to myself, observing my feminine southern accented voice.

I started to change into a skirt (Since strangely I didn't OWN any pants) before muttering: "How is everyone going to respond? Are they going to make fun of me?"

**Tweek's POV:**

3:30 is the ugliest time of the night.

You know why? Cause the underpants gnomes come and take my underwear and I'm running out! Okay Tweek… Calm down. It's right now…3:26? JESUS CHRIST OH MY GOD THAT IS WAY TO MUCH PRESSURE GAH! Calm down…calm down…I believe when you start imagining the sentence 'That is way too much pressure!' and then trying to calm yourself down afterwards is a sign that you're mental. And that is way too much pressure!

I sat up from my sleeping position and rubbed my eyes. The underpants gnomes weren't here yet.

Why do I have to view the gnomes take my underwear? I don't have to deal with that! I gasped. I know! I'll just take my underwear and hide it into a safer place! But where? I hesitated for a short moment and tried thinking of secure places for my underwear. FINDING A SAFE PLACE IS SO MUCH PRESSURE AGGGGGGG! Ok…calm down Tweek…

I decided to drink some Harbucks coffee to calm my nerves down. I don't like the habit of consuming so much caffeine because Craig said that if I drink anymore I won't have any more blood cause it's now coffee and I'll basically become a colossal Harbucks coffee cup and he said he would be so happy!

I sighed and made the decision to take action. I walked toward my bedroom drawers through the dark and opened a drawer. It was extremely dim so I didn't see my underwear but they felt different for some reason. I shrugged It off (Which is not something I usually do) and took the underwear downstairs.

When I made down the stairs I decided to hide them in the fridge. Maybe I could chug down some coffee after that…

I went into the kitchen and turned on the lights. When I did, I noticed my underwear. They were PINK and BRIGHT YELLOW! Some even had lace! AHH!

At first I thought that the gnomes had just replaced my underwear…then I thought my parents changed my wardrobe for some super malicious prank…then I wondered what underwear _I _was wearing. I knew for sure that I took underwear from my drawers.

I rested on one of the kitchen chairs, chewing on my nails and ripping out my hair. I usually get short chunks of blond hair but this time I got: long strips of golden hair? I immediately started freaking out about my hair AND my underwear and I shook very violently.

Somehow on instinct I went toward the fridge (Leaving my girl underwear on the kitchen table) and grabbed the cold leftovers of mocha. I settled into one of the kitchen chairs next to my underwear and sighed as I compressed the Harbucks cup against my lips. It wasn't good coffee but it was good enough to calm me down a tiny bit.

When I finished the cup, I chucked it in the trash. I smiled as the cup landed perfectly in the middle of the metallic trash can.

'_He shoots, he scores.' _I smiled.

I got a glimpse of myself on the metallic trash can. I was a girl! AGGGGGGGG! That's it! I want out! I want out! I want out!

My hair had grown to my lower neck, my mane had spiky ends, and I had a coffee barrette in my hair! My hazel were bulging with surprise and choppy eyelashes sticking onto my eyes. My chapped pink lips opened and formed one word: "AGGGG!" Wait…what if aliens had attacked and that thing wasn't me and my real soul was floating somewhere in another dimension and this was just some cruel reality TV show that the aliens had done to me and the aliens were only doing that because they wanted their boss or something to have a mustache or a giant mutated monster had some sort of power or wizard magic powers and made me a girl and I couldn't become my old regular self again and I will be stuck like a girl FOREVER and I'll then turn into a giant girlish Harbucks coffee cup with legs and I'll be the only one in the world and that is WAY TO MUCH PRESSURE!

I intensely rubbed my tired eyes and decided to sit on the kitchen chair and sleep. The outrageous, crazy thoughts for an explanation for my new self kept swirling around my head and I thoughts I was finally drifting off to dreamland when suddenly, I realized…

That I couldn't do it.

I was too afraid that they wanted my blood.

BECAUSE MY UNDERWEAR WAS GOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE! UNDERPANTS GNOMES HAVE ATTACKED!

**Wendy and Bebe's POV: (Third person)**

"Girls, it's time to get to get to bed. It is 9:00!" Wendy's mom shouted from downstairs. Wendy and Bebe rolled their eyes but giggled. They had just completed the tasks of painting their nails and watching an episode of House at Wendy's. Wendy called Bebe over for a sleepover as a celebration for her and Stan getting back together in a relationship. Well, not exactly but they were speaking to each other again after the List incident! Bebe was let out of jail for being a minor so it was also a celebration for that too.

"I can't believe you two are back together!" Bebe exclaimed all of a sudden, giggling hysterically.

"I know! He is so sweet." Wendy gazed into space, imagining his shiny black hair and nice eyes completed with an adorable red and blue hat.

"Sweet?"Bebe questioned. Wendy nodded.

"Oh whatever. He sunk fifteen Japanese ships himself with torches and guns. That isn't that sweet. And he looks like a girl." Bebe said sarcastically and chuckled. Wendy detected the sarcasm and laughed along too.

"Kyle is a freak for having a super afro." Wendy commented. Bebe scowled.

"Ha ha, very funny, Wendy. At least he doesn't look like a girl." Bebe retorted, still cross

"It would be weird if we were boys." Wendy inquired quietly, dazing off.

" So to look gender swapped... What would I look like?" Bebe asked, staring at the ceiling.

"What would I look like?" Wendy replied, closing her eyes. Bebe settled in her sleeping bag and both settled into a deep sleep.

**TiMe WaRp** **Bebe's POV**:

I yawned and stretched my achy back. I looked outside the frost covered window. I could make out a new thick layer of crisp snow had settled in and the dim light still made the snow glisten. I observed at how bright it was and I judged it about 7 in the morning. I spun my head around to wake up Wendy, when I noticed she wasn't there. I looked around the room, and instead of Wendy on her bed I saw STAN on her bed! He was just resting there and he looked as if he stayed there the whole night.

"STAN MARSH WHAT THE FUDGE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. The boy woke up instantly, and instead of blue eyes that opened were violet ones.

"What? Where is Stan?"

I rolled my eyes. Boys can be so stupid. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow but I was unprepared for what was about to happen next.

"AHH! WHO ARE YOU?" He asked. What the hell was he talking about? Anyone could recognize my mop of blond hair and red jacket I wear.

"Oh please. I'm Bebe. What are you doing here Stan?" I then noticed a sudden decrease in pitch in my voice. Come to think of it, I sounded like a dude.

"Stan? I'm Wendy!" He exclaimed. I felt my head…something was definitely wrong. The old magnificent and dazzling coiled blond hair had been replaced with curly, stubby hair that covered only my head.

"Wendy? Look at yourself in the mirror." I retorted.

He got up and walked over to the bedroom mirror. I followed her, wondering where my breathtaking hair went. And what happened to my voice.

"OMG I'M A DUDE!" He/she shrieked. I cried the same thing after I saw my reflection in the mirror.

"What-how is this possible?" I yelled.

I was a blond with as super twisted hair covering my head like a jungle. My eye color has changed from tidal blue to dark navy. My arms were still lean and narrow and my legs still haven't changed. My nose wasn't buttoned anymore but long and slender. My eyebrows were arched (But that may just be because right now was so confusing). My jaw line was sharp and my cheeks were smooth and silky. My ears weren't sticking out like they used to, but now hidden beneath bushes of blond hair. I was shocked and in denial I looked like that.

Wendy looked almost exactly like Stan. Wendy had to have grown two inches and a wicked haircut. She now had slightly curvy bangs and short midnight black hair. Her eyes differenced from Stan's though. Her eyes was a vibrant violet color and with tinges of blue. Her dark eyebrows were raised with confusion and jaw line definite. Wendy wore a brown coat with bright blue buttons and dark skinny jeans.

"Wendy! You jinxed it! You said yesterday what gender swapping would look like!" I practically yelled in Wendy's ears.

"Well sorry! Are we going to tell our parents?"

"No way, Wendy!" I said, crossing my arms.

"Then what?" She exclaimed, expecting an answer.

"I don't know! Umm…We could just go to school and say we are the new students!" I said, biting my lip.

Wendy hesitated for a second. Then just nodded, worried.


	6. Clyde and Craig

****Author's Note: Ok, during the middle of the Clyde passage, he cries. You may or may not know that Clyde sometimes sobs uncontrollably in some episodes he is in. ****And I picture Craig as a punkish gothish creative looking girl-ok-read away!**

**Clyde's POV:**

"Roger! What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh shut up. I'm just-"

"So you think it's appropriate to just eat leftover pizza and beer for breakfast? You haven't even properly dressed yet! And you left the toilet seat up! You are setting a very bad example for Clyde."

I rolled my eyes. It was only six in the morning (About an hour before I had to drag myself out of bed) and my parents were fighting. Maybe my last name will be Harris today. It just depends on how my parents get along each day to determine what my surname is.

I heard a tap on my door. It was doubtlessly my older sister, Katrina. She would always come knocking on my door whenever our parents disputed over whatever brainless thing it was to see if I was all right.

"Come in." I said extraordinarily groggily, neglecting both the rough feeling in my head and the higher pitch in my voice. I sat up, getting ready for Katrina's fuss on if I was okay or not.

"Clyde," I heard her voice crack anxiously as she opened my bedroom door. I could only stare at my navy painted walls and wait for her to come in.

"Clyde? Does mum and dad's-AHHHH!" She shrieked in the middle of her sentence when she just took a glimpse at me. I stared at her, transfixed.

"What is it, Katrina?" I asked, worried. I didn't know why she screamed but it was most likely about my physical appearance since she screeched when she saw me. My dad shaves in the morning and if he doesn't he looks like a monster. So maybe I need to start shaving?

"Your-not-how do you know my name?" She asked me, and I swore I saw tears prickle in her eyes. I was about to cry myself. Katrina just froze where she was and waited for me to answer.

"Whaddya mean? I'm Clyde Donovan. Or I'm Clyde Harris." I sulked when the word Harris slipped off my tongue. I am disgusted when my parents fought over dumb things but I was kind of used to it now.

"You are not Clyde. Clyde's-a…a...boy. He's my-my little brother." She nearly whispered at the end of her sentence. My eyes bugged out and I leaped out of bed and zoomed toward the bathroom, grabbing Katrina's hand and lugging her with me. When I made it there, I quickly turned on the lights and shot a look into the mirror, expecting to see me or beard stubble or a girl mask or whatever.

My jaw plummeted to the floor.

A girl. A girl with unruly brown hair tied into a ponytail. I saw a girl with glistening chocolate colored eyes completed with thick eyelashes and thick eyebrows. A girl with a buttoned nose and meaty enough lips to express feminine was staring back at me. I saw a girl with a sharp jaw line and ears sticking out of my hair rather awkwardly. A girl with tanned skin and a medium/large yet lean frame was looking stunned was peeking back at me. A girl wearing a light red jacket with dark navy blue buttons, bright pink sweatpants, and a GO COWS! Undershirt/pajama top was looking back at me.

I felt tears prickle in my eyes and it looked as if a crying rampage was going to happen shortly. I turned to face my big sister for comfort, but she was too terrified that I may be some psycho or abductor to even peep at me. I turned the waterworks on.

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She turned to see me (Embarrassingly) crying uncontrollably, sitting on the cold bathroom floor tiles, dabbing my red eyes. She crouched down and started to rub circles into my back (Which seemed to always comfort me).

"Is that really you, Clyde?" Katrina asked me. I didn't blame her for not knowing it was me anymore but now I have to deal with going to school. I tried nodding to Katrina's question.

"Oh my. And you have to go to school today…do you want me to tell mum and dad?" She said into my ear, trying to comfort me. Suddenly my waterworks ended and stopped flowing and my eyes grew three times bigger in fright.

"I'm taking that as a no. Oh, Clyde. Everything's going to be alright. The kids at school can't be THAT cruel." My sister said as she wrapped her arms around my shaky body. CLEARLY she didn't understand the first thing about South Park 4th graders. The kids are too tough (hey, remember the fight between Wendy and Cartman?) cruel (Cartman killed Scott Tenorman's parents and fed it to Scott just over a measly sixteen bucks-and this is only the beginning on what Cartman is capable of!), and crazy (Dude, 95% of all crap in South Park have included our class in it) to even start to THINK about accepting a misfortunate 'accident.'

**Craig's POV:**

My eyes open frantically to only find myself in the darkness. The thick air, pitch black darkness, and me drenched in my own sweat were always there to greet me every time I wake up from another blood-curdling nightmare.

I glanced at my clock. The intense fluorescent lights on my clock almost blinded me. When my vision was less painful and my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, I finally was able to check the time and see how long I had to lay on my bed, bored. It was only 12:30?

I sighed and laid my head back onto my pillow. I didn't want to go back to sleep. The nightmares never cease. I was certainly not going to go back to dreamland so I swung my legs to the side of the bed. I grabbed my blue chullo hat and draped it on my head, as if I was getting ready for school.

I laid back on the bed, legs still swayed to the side, bored out of my mind. For once in my life, I WANTED to go to school. I laid on my bed, letting the darkness eat me away.

I heard sudden squeaks and I smiled (Which is something I don't usually do). Stripe could keep me entertained! I navigated my way through the darkness and tried to feel my way over to Stripe's cage. I bumped and knocked over many things and I was pretty sure I made a deafening ruckus, which probably startled Stripe even more.

I stood by his cage and I opened the hatch. I put my hand through the door and came out with my favorite guinea pig. I petted the white and gray creature as delicately as I could and I started combing his fur with my fingers, which he always liked me doing.

A sharp pain accrued in my hands and I quickly put Stripe back in his cage and closed the hatch to investigate my pain. Red liquid was dripping down my hand.

Stripe bit me! He would only do that if someone he didn't recognize petted him! Stripe, you moron! I'm the guy who has been feeding and taking care of you since you were born!

I took a few deep breaths. It probably wasn't his fault anyway. You should never the power of a guinea pig. They took over the world once very easily, so who knows what they are truly capable of?

I instinctively felt my face to see what was wrong. Nothing was abnormal except that my nose seemed sharper. Maybe a different nose could trigger a guinea pig to not trust me anymore.

I groaned as I made my way back to the bathroom. I didn't want to move. I knew I should've gotten mom to install a mirror into my room!

I opened the creaky bathroom door and stepped in. I turned on the lights. I just stared into the mirror. After a few seconds of staring, THEN my brain processed what my eyes were seeing.

A girl was staring back at me with a bored expression. I had long black locks (Partially hidden by an unchanged chullo hat) with brownish highlights that were going down to her lower back and pale skin. I had thinner black eyebrows, and wide black eyes completed with long black eyelashes. A sharp nose and thin red lips with a thinning jaw line made my vampire face complete. I wore a dark navy blue jacket with even darker (Almost black) buttons. On the inside was a shady blue shirt. My ripped (surprisingly, light blue) jean shorts showed off my pale knees and fishnet stockings. My look in all looked a mixture of vampire, punk, and weird. My expression changed from bored to slightly alarmed.

I felt my face to make sure it was me who was staring back. Yup, it was me.

I washed my face to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or going paranoid (Tweek should do this every day). I wasn't hallucinating or going completely paranoid. At least I didn't wear makeup.

I sighed, flipped the reflection off (I didn't know I was doing it, it was more like a reflex), and walked out of the bathroom. I made my way through the dark hallways and went back into my room.

I opened my bedroom window and stuck my now girly face out the window, letting my hair drape down below me. As the wind blew through my dark lengthy mane, I opened my thin, petite mouth and elegantly shrilled out some harsh yet humble words that had been building up inside me in an eastern direction.

"OK, ERIC CARTMAN! YOU HAVE FRIKIN DONE IT THIS TIME! WHEN I GET TO SCHOOL TOMORROW MORNING I'M GOING TO WHOP YOUR FAT ASS!" At least my voice still slightly sounded like I had a cold. I loved my nasally voice, if you didn't know. I cleared my throat, cracked my knuckles, and flipped Eric's house off.

I sighed and lay on my bed. I had to go to school tomorrow. Cartman's going to get it! I had a feeling in the back of my head that Cartman may be innocent. I just shrugged it off, scowled at myself for thinking that, and went back to the thought that Cartman had already faked getting Tourettes just to say whatever he wanted to say, lead a bunch of drunk lunatics to change history and almost made the president to sign that the Confederates won the Civil War just to win a bet with Stan and Kyle, and manipulated a poor 1rst grader to saw off his own leg. This was nothing.

"Oh, isn't this just awesome?" I said to myself and drifted back into nightmare land (Which now didn't seem too bad.)


	7. You are a girl too?

**Author's note: Ok, I'm now addressing the people gender-bended as the gender they were swapped to. Like, for example, Tweek was gender swapped and now HE is being addressed as a SHE! It may be confusing, but you'll get used to it. I think… Many, many POV's in this chapter! First one is going to be 3****rd**** person. ****If you don't like something about my writing please don't be be afraid to message moi! I would love to take advice to make my FanFics better!  
**

It was funny that when Stan (and the other 4th graders) woke up the next day after her 'discovery', the next morning held a weather that anyone would despise. A stiff and dull pressure was lingering in the air that would make anyone's head feel slightly sore and the grey clouds hung awfully low in the sky. The air was painfully cold and just when a slight breeze would come; it feels like freezing knives would pierce into your skin. It was funny how the snow wasn't a crisp, vivid white anymore, but suddenly it was a horrible slushy brown color. The trees looked bare and alone and their branches drooping down, almost begging to fall off. These days usually held events that were dull and uneventful and the day would slowly disappear from the clutters of anyone's mind. But this day so far had been far from boring. Just a few hours ago, the unimaginable had taken place.

Stan quickly rushed to the bus stop, barely managing to run past her family. She wanted to be the first to the bus stop so she could change or hide or do SOMETHING. She just couldn't stay with her family anymore. Stan hurried along, with her bag of the most regular clothes and scissors hurdling around like popcorn in her still unchanged backpack. But...someone was already there.

'_Oh, crap! Jesus Ch__rist, what am I going to do?! Think! Think!_ Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head._ Oh! I could pretend I'm the new girl!' _She thought to herself. Stan achingly wanted to stop, but somehow her legs were disobeying and were still sprinting at the speed of a car.

When she got close enough to see, the person wasn't any of her friends. She sighed with partial relief. The girl sitting there was dressed in a dull orange, but you could still see agonizing fear all over her face.

Stan stopped. She brushed her now extensive crimped black hair away from her sapphire eyes, hoping that she would notice. She didn't look up and the fear was still written as clear as day. Stan didn't know why she wanted to be noticed by her, but broke the silence between them, anyway.

"Um…" Stan trailed off, cursing at her new feminine voice. She gazed up in dread.

"Hey…you new?" She said, with relief covering her face. She was hiding something. It was easily detected in her voice and body language. Stan shrugged it off; it wasn't any of her business anyway.

"Uh…yeah…what is your name?" Stan asked, already lying to the girl. She felt the guilt sinking down in her stomach because the blond seemed nice…seemed nice.

"Um…err…Jenny?" She almost asked herself. Stan raised a brow. She sounded and looked strikingly like Kenny. She had messy blond hair; she had massive brown eyes, and an orange color scheme.

"Jenny? I'm…err…Nikki. I mean, Stacey." She managed to mumble out. Stan blushed fifty shades of red and mentally slapped herself.

**Change in POV to Stan's.**

Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!

"You seemed to be questioning that…" She trailed off; seeming oblivious to the fact she was questioning her name too. I felt slight anger boiling inside me. I looked down at the ground and observed the ill snow below me. Spots of different color slowly faded my vision and I could only see grey for a few seconds. I bit my lip and nose-bridge-pinched.

'_Goddammit…' _I murmured to myself.

"Hey, my friend Stan used to do that too! You kind of look like him too…and sound like him…and act like him...are you his cousin?" I froze in my spot. Beads of fear filled sweat made their way down my temples, leaving hot trails wherever it traveled down my face. If I wasn't careful, she could figure out my true identity! Wait…I have no clue who SHE is...She has a friend Stan?!

"Friend, Stan?" I questioned and bent over about two feet towards her. What I didn't know that my zipped on my backpack came loose, and out fell the bag of regular clothes. I suddenly ceased my breathing and thinking to replace it with agonizing madness. Why does the WORST always happen to ME?! It's enough I'm now a girl, but now THIS?! I knew Jenny would spend no time putting the pieces together.

The blond girl quickly bent over to pick up the bag. She scooped it up and handed it over to me.

"Here…wait…this looks like Stan's clothes." She asked. I nose-bridge-pinched and started to mumble under my breath:

"Godammit. Seriously, girl me, but now THIS?!" I was positive she didn't hear me but she replied:

"Hey! These look A LOT like Stan's clothes! Are you like his long lost sister or something?" I sighed in partial relief. She hadn't really come close to the real answer.

"Yeah…I am! I was…err…just about to deliver those clothes to him!" I tried to smile. Man, am I a horrible liar or what? I plastered the most fake grin on my face. Now my face is twisted with pain. The blond raised an eyebrow. She wasn't buying it but she just grinned. The tension between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Jenny fumbled with her backpack strap and started swearing heavily in her mumbles.

"So…um…I haven't seen you around before…are you new? I mean, I haven't seen you in South Park elementary." I stumbled between my sentences. I stopped breathing when she didn't answer right away. I was terrified that she was onto me.

"No. I mean…no…" She seemed to be deciding which response to pick. "Nah. I've lived in South Park for my whole life!" I started to relax. She beamed awkwardly.

"So…do you have any siblings?" Jenny asked.

"I have a sister and a brother. My sister's name is Karen and my brother's name is Kevin." Jenny started to talk, almost forgetting that she asked me a question. But, that's fine. The less I talk, the better, in my opinion. I started to wonder about her siblings…they were exactly like Kenny's. But I decided to ignore it. Weird shit happens in South Park all the time. When she paused for a breath, I injected my sentence into her rant on her sibling's personality.

"Yeah…I have a no-good-rotten-bastard-pig-bitch older sister." She raised a brow, but at least I was telling the truth.

"What's your last name?" She asked, very randomly. My mind was screaming with fear and I ran through all the last names I could come up with.

"Err…Darsh…" That was my genious last name?! Stupid, stupid, STUPID! That was the best I could come up with in two seconds?! I frowned at both my stupidity and the last name. A jerk in Aspen would always call me 'Darsh' and would be totally jealous of how good I was at skiing as a beginner, despite the fact that I was nine and he was fucking 30 professional skier.

"So…Stan…you got gender swapped too? Whew! I thought I was the only one!" The blond grinned. I froze in my spot and let the sentence echo around my head. I then put two and two together and replied:

"Great…at least I'm not the only one gender swapped, Kenny. But I still want to change into these clothes. I really don't want a cross dresser speech if anyone else finds out." I said, almost happy. I scowled when Kenny grinned when I said: 'Change'.

"Go ahead, Stacey Darsh! You can change in front of moi!" She exclaimed happily. I shot her a glare. Even as a frikin' girl she is still a sick minded pervert.

"No way! These clothes don't even really look like mine…" I mumbled.

"SO?! WERE ALL GUYS…I MEAN GIRLS HERE! I WON'T LOOK!" She exclaimed in an incredibly ear splitting and annoying voice. I didn't realize Kenny would be so proud. I mean, she conceals herself from the world with a stained orange parka! Just a few minutes ago Kenny was stumbling over her sentences and being all depressed!

"You won't look?! Says the guy with the email of **'gimmietitties****.'**_ . _ and has the title of biggest pervert in South Park!" I weakly screamed. She just laughed. I don't know why I am so damn protected about my new body but it just seemed to make sense to defend my argument at the time.

**Kenny's POV:**

In my defense, 'gimmietitties' is not my email anymore.

But, truthfully, my most current email was 'poorboyNASCARfan' (Cartman gave it to me after the Only-The-Poor-And-Stupid-Watch-NASCAR incident, which explains the poor boy and NASCAR thing), and I didn't really use both of them.

Geez Stan. At least I have an email! If I gave you one it would be: 'alcholic-darshdarshdarsh '

And I was only kidding about the changing thing with Stan!

Whew…got that out of the way. But seriously, I'm not THAT cross. I wouldn't be laughing if I was.

**Change to Kyle's POV:**

I was nervously trudging through the snow with my new girly black boots, taking the lengthy way to the bus stop. Thank god Ike was there to stall my parents when I snuck outside with my backpack. My mom was probably just going to start a war against girls or something… I didn't really care what the school would think about my new physical features. I only cared how much ripping on Cartman would do nonstop and how my friends would react.

"I wish I had Stan's mom. She is level-headed and she works for most of the day. Kenny's mom is fine too. Kenny's mom doesn't give a rat's ass about what he does. Why did my mom have to be a stay-at-home one?" I grumbled to myself. When I was only a short distance away from the bus stop, not only was a Wendy-ish looking person there, but a new blond was there too. I sighed in partial relief that they weren't my friends, or a certain fatty.

They were yelling at each other, more so the Wendy look alike was yelling and the blond was laughing. The blonde's surprisingly loud mouth was laughing and brown eyes pinched shut. The raven had her eyes filled with slight rage and humor and mouth shouting some words. I noticed sometimes the raven would nose-bridge-pinch and the blond would try to hide her mouth.

I sighed again, and tramped to the bus stop.

**Change back to Stan's POV:**

I thought I heard new footsteps. I ceased my hollers toward Kenny. Kenny took immediate notice and ended her super noisy laugh. A new girl was approaching.

She was a definite red-head, but had more crimson hair that orange, but she covered her locks with a bright green ushanka. Her polished curls were tied into pigtails and went down to her upper-back. Her greenish eyes were filled with anxiety and lips quivering. She was wearing a thick orange sweater that went down to the middle of her sea-green jeans. The black boots were drenched in snow and it looked as if she took an extra long way to the bus stop.

"I KNEW IT!" Kenny suddenly loudly yelled. Both the redhead and I looked at Kenny in confusion. Kenny flashed a giant, mischievous grin at me and she started laughing loudly again. I suddenly knew what she meant and turned back to the redhead and I flashed the best smile I could manage at a moment like this.

"Sup Kyle, you got gender swapped too?!" Kenny and I yelled in unison. The redhead looked awfully confused. It wasn't the fact that Kenny and I turned to girls, it was the fact that Kyle's backpack had the Star of David (Jewish Star) stitched onto the strap that really gave it away. His family is the only Jewish one in town.

**Change into Kyle's POV:**

What? They could tell it was me, Kyle Broflovski?

The Wendy look alike had a smile that looked a lot like Stan's…The blond wore a dingy orange jacket that looked like Kenny's parka…The raven would nose-bridge-pinch…the slightly mal-nourished girl tried to hide her face…The Wendy-ish wore a brown jacket that looked like a girlish version of Stan's clothes…and the grubby blond had the most soiled cloths ever. I instantly put the puzzle pieces together and smiled mentally that I wasn't the only one. A wave filled with relief hit me and I smirked for the first time since this morning.

"So…guys, what are we going to do?" I asked. I rushed over to the bench.

**Change to Kenny's POV:**

Ok…so there was a girl me, a girl Stan, and a girl Kyle. I was aching to see if there was a fat ass girl Cartman.

The confusing thoughts would swirl around my head.

WHY did we get gender swapped? (Obviously)

WHY does 95% of the time, the shit in South Park revolve around Stan, Kyle, me, and Cartman?

WHY are our clothes changed too?

WHY are my matching clothes so grubby? They're even fouler than my old parka!

WHEN are we going to change back?  
Hell, HOW are we going to change back?

IS Cartman a girl too?

IF Cartman is a girl, I want to take pictures of the fat ass!

**Change to Kyle's POV:**

I sat down next to the now girl Stan and Kenny.

I took notice of their new appearance immediately.

Stan had lengthy, almost wavy midnight black hair going down to her waist, doubtlessly with Stan's hair being the longest of any girl I've ever seen. She had new baby blue eyes, completed with noticeable eyelashes. Her clothes differed from her usual clothes. Stan wore a light chocolate brown North Face coat with a fluffy trimming along the edges. Instead of jeans like Kenny and I wore, she wore a light blue skirt with black legging. The black converse shoes almost were camouflaged with the background of the leggings. Kenny differed very much from Stan's appearance.

Kenny was wearing a dull orange hoodie that had many patches dispersed randomly upon the piece of soiled cloth. Her shirt was a bright orange color with also many different holes and patches of random cloth. She wore navy blue skinny jeans that only went to her knees, showing off grubby, different colors of filth on her legs. The blackish boots were clinging onto her feet and you could still see the remaining pieces of snow studded on the boots. The unruly blond hair was parted to cover most of her face, only leaving the mouth and one brown eye in site.

"What are we going to do?" I repeated once again.

"I have no clue." Stan stated frankly, brushing off snow from her hair.

"We could always change into what our regular clothes were…like what Stacey Darsh attempted." Kenny trailed, hiding her proud grin. Stan scowled at Kenny. Even though I've only been there for two minutes, I could tell Stacey Darsh was now Stan's new permanent nickname. At least it's better than my permanent nickname that has been used for almost four years now: Ginger Jew (Called mainly by Cartman).

"Hey, if we are girls, then is Cartman a girl?" Stan asked. I shrugged but in the back of my mind I was praying that he was a girl too. Usually, when one of the people from our group gets sucked into something, the rest of us do.

"I want to take fucking pictures if he shows up as a girl!" Kenny laughed heartily. I never knew how loud and proud Kenny's voice could be.

We all suddenly heard trudging in the snow. They were new footsteps. There were silhouettes of a whole gang coming over.


	8. Cartman did it?

****Author's note: Man, do I love Craig, Tweek, and Stan in this chapter. New chapters are coming this way! Repeats of appearances are for Craig, Tweek, and Clyde. **

**Kenny's POV:**

"Dude! Do you hear that?!" Kyle hissed. He was going hysterical. The trudging and crunching of the mushy snow got louder and louder. My eyes widened in fear and I turned my head slowly to see where it was coming from. I saw nobody, but I definitely heard someone. I tightened my mucky scarf around my mouth harder. Kyle started nervously tugging strands of her crimson orange hair.

"Someone's coming!" Kyle whispered-yelled and started to panic even more. Stan was appearing to be awfully calm though. That didn't make sense. He was usually the one running all over the place screaming: "GODAMMIT!"  
"Chill, Kyle. It's probably somebody we don't know and no matter what they won't be able to recognize us." Stan said, perfectly calm. I relaxed a bit, but Kyle sure didn't. He just freaked out even more.

"SO?! You knew I was Kyle, what if they can tell?!"

"Dude, first of all, you're sounding like a paranoid bastard, like Tweek." Stan stated harshly. "And second, the only reason we could tell was because we got turned into girls and there is a Jewish Star on your backpack strap, so cover that up." Stan advised. Kyle quickly covered it up but kept panicking. She tightened the ushanka on her head to cover more of her hair.

"If anyone asks, your Kayla Wells, I'm Jenny Evans, and you're Stacey Darsh." I finished and started picking the strings from my scarf. I internally smiled deviously.

"Dude! My name is too obvious!" Stan replied, angrily.

"Fine, you're now Erica Cartman. Feel better?" I responded, trying to keep my smile to myself. I think anyone with at least half a brain cell could tell that Eric or Erica Cartman was worse than any other name there is.

"I'll keep Stacey Darsh, actually." Stan said. I laughed heartily. I felt powerful, being the creators of the names. Man, was it fun picking on Stan. But he socked me in the shoulder.

"They're coming!" Kyle exclaimed. I had to shush him but I started laughing at Kyle's nervousness again. Stan punched me in the same spot again.

"Ow!" I whispered.

A girl wore a blue chullo hat, and under it you could see black hair streaked with brown highlights was walking toward us. She had cold, black eyes filled with easily detected rage. The pale skin, sharp nose, thin eyebrows, and blood red lips actually made me think she was Goth or something. She wore very abstract clothes. Her navy blue jacket completed with coal black buttons. The scariest part was her shirt. It was midnight black with a skull shaped white rose drenched with blood embedded on the front of the cloth. She wore light blue shorts and fishnet stockings to finish her look. Her black, black boots were marching toward us. Was she vampire or a Goth?

Following the girl was another girl with messy brown hair tied up into an even messier ponytail with ears sticking out rather weirdly. She had quivering brown eyes completed with bushy eyelashes and thick eyebrows. She wore a pinkish coat and loose blue buttons attached. The brunette's brightly spotted red gloves were shoved into her pants. Her bright pink sweatpants were drenched in slushy brown snow just like her dull yellow sneakers.

And the most nervous of the group was a twitchy girl with golden blond hair and a coffee barrette shakily attached to her head. She had bright hazel eyes, chapped lips, and a very thin frame. The most curious thing was her clothes. Her shirt was splotchy green and very few buttons were buttoned (hehe-girl pervert me. But unfortunately she also wore a black scarf that went loosely to her mid-section). She also wore moss green jeans and mismatched shoes (With one being a black sneaker and the other being a blue ballet flat). She even wore unmatched knee-length socks, with one being perfectly pink and the other with blue and green stripes. She also had a thermos dangling from her frail hands.

The Gothic girl went straight up to Kyle's face, flipped her off-which looked more like a reflex than on purpose, and heaved out some livid words.

"Have you seen a fat guy in a red coat around here recently? I have to settle some-err-business."

"You mean Eric?" Kyle asked, backing away from the raven. My eyes widened, that had to be the first time that Kyle said the fat ass's first name.

"Yeah." The girl cracked her knuckles.

"No. I haven't seen him all morning." Kyle replied calmly. The girl's eyebrows furrowed.

"Ok…have you seen a black haired guy wearing a red and blue beanie, a redhead wearing a green hat, or a blond with a stupid parka draped over his head?" I clenched my teeth. My parka is not stupid!

"Uh…" Kyle shot a look at Stan. Stan made a slight shake of the head.

"Nope!" I answered for Kyle. I wasn't sure if she understood me because I was talking through my scarf. The blond and brunette got the courage to walk toward the raven. The twitchy one started to drink something from her thermos and started to shake even more than she originally was.

"Humph…" The gothic one chewed her bottom lip.

"I haven't seen you three at the bus stop whenever I walk to school." The brunette said randomly.

"We are new students. My name is Kayla Wells." Kyle said. I face-palmed. Really Kyle? First, your giving out to much information, and second, the new student thing never works.

No response. That's good. The Goth just mumbled a few incomprehensible words and started to walk off. The brunette soon followed but the blond stayed behind. She kept staring at Stan, Kyle, and I. Her eyes quickly blinked multiple times and then she tugged on one of her golden strands of hair.

"Uh...are you r-related to Kenny McCormick? You kind of look-GAH-and dress like him." She stumbled over her words. She twitched again and waited for a response from me. I stood silent, reviewing all of the possible lies I could respond with the least amount of trouble. Just before I could respond a: 'Who is Kenny McCormick? I've never heard of him', I was interrupted.

"C'mon Tweek, hurry up! Ahem…I mean…uh…Michelle." The raven coughed but kept a straight face. I stared at her in suspicion. Her cold black eyes had a tint of worry and an 'I'm such an idiot' look.

**Stan's POV:**

Tweek? Oh…the world just became clearer. Tweek is smarter than he appears. I smiled a devious grin, glanced and Kenny and Kyle, and then mentally slapped myself. Crap, do I feel like an idiot.

Just before Tweek could run off, I stopped her from walking away.

"Dude, Tweek, don't you recognize me?" I grabbed her green shirt cuff and stopped her. Tweek's hazel eyes were transfixed and locked with my blue eyes. The small shred of hope dissolved when Tweek started screaming.

"JESUS CHRIST; TOO MUCH PRESSURE! I DON'T -GAH- KNOW YOU! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?" I froze in my spot. Oh, I forgot. The simplest amount of so called 'pressure' will make him go absolutely paranoid and crazy. Let's just say if sanity was measured in dynamite, Tweek wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.

"Dude, it's me, Stan! You knew who Kenny was, didn't you?" I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes but smiled all the same. Tweek's head twitched and eyes blinked, but then very briefly flashed the biggest grin I've ever seen her do. But then her face darkened just as quick and went back to twitchy-paranoid-bastard mode again (Or as I like to call it, being Tweek Tweak).

"GAH! What if you were an UNDERPANTS GNOME in disguise?! And you-AHH-want my b-blood?" Tweek's head twitched. I swore I saw swirls in his eyes. Kyle face-palmed and sighed at Tweek's nervous behavior.

"TWEE-err-Michelle, c'mon!" The brunette with the unruly hair shouted. Ah, the world became clearer. Most of Craig's gang was here to join the party! Now I feel beyond retarded. The smug look at my new discovery was hidden by a very fake straight face plastered on my head. I guess Kenny had FINALLY caught on because he came stomping toward me.

"DUDE! Clyde? Tweek? And-CRAIG?! You're a girl too? Whew, it's usually Stan, Kyle, Cartman and I who usually just get sucked into this." Kenny exclaimed. Craig still kept a straight face but started walking toward us (after giving Kenny a pointless middle finger), Clyde shivered for a second but caught on and smiled and followed Craig, and Tweek passed out from the so-called 'pressure'.

Craig, being Craig, flipped me off (Duh), and heaved out some heavy words.

"You guys are jerks, you know that? Not only did you get turned into girls from whatever retarded plan you guys had, but you brought us along too. Have you ever thought that MAYBE your little plan may backfire and whatever you stole of broke might be important?"

I was shocked and in a loss for words. Four words actually; I hate you Craig. This was the same little speech Craig was saying to me when we were in Peru and guinea pigs had taken over the world. But I had to admit, usually it was us who got sucked into this and usually we (meaning Cartman) had a plan.

"Craig, we didn't steal or break anything. We are just as confused as you are. I'm serious." Kyle piped up from the bench she was sitting on.

"Oh, really?" Craig questioned as she flipped me off and put an agitated scowl on her face. Is her best friend her middle finger?

"Yes, really! We have frikin' NO idea why we are girls!" I exclaimed in her ear. My face flushed in anger and my eyes grew red.

"Craig, dude, I think their serious." Clyde said, putting her hand on Craig's shoulder.

"Yup." Kenny putted simply. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

Silence…just before the silence got way to awkward Craig injected a quiet sentence.

"Okay, sorry about that." I ceased my breath. Wait. One. Fucking. Second. Did I just hear Craig Tucker apologize in my face? Did the biggest cynical, deadpanned turd ball actually apologize to me? I should've had a camera and taped it. Kenny and Kyle were just as shocked but they plastered devious grins.

Silence fell. I let the sorry marinate for a second and let my internal victory dance for a second.

"Wait, Cartman isn't here yet, right?" Craig asked me and leaned toward my face. When we were only three inches apart, I stopped her. She was so close that I could smell the toothpaste and her breakfast in her breath.

"Well, no. Why?" I asked. I brushed my ridiculously long hair aside. Geez, I never knew how long hair could be so-what are the words? Oh, right, A PAIN IN MY ASS.

Clyde gasped but then put on an agitated face.

"What?" Kenny asked, coming to my spot. I pushed Craig away from me and shared the same confused look as Kenny.

"DUDE! IT MEANS THAT CARTMAN MADE US GIRLS! THAT ASSHOLE DID IT!" Craig had frikin' leaned toward Kenny and I and started waving her arms around.

"Are you sure?" I asked her. She crossed her arms.

"Do you remember him dressing as Hitler and leading South Park to hate Jews? Do you remember him leading redheads to kill all other people who aren't? Do you remember him trying to kill all three of you just because he T.P.'d a house?! THIS KID IS CAPABLE OF ANYTHING!" Ah, the memories are coming back now.

Rage boiled up inside me and my face twisted with anger but I nose-bridge-pinched. How could I not tell it before? Kenny's face flushed red and her eyes lighted with fury. Kyle was the angriest out of all of us. She was shaking very violently and had her face as red as a tomato.

"ASSHOLE!" Craig, Clyde, Kenny, Kyle, and I yelled. Tweek just meekly in a barely audible tone mumble: "Idiot."

**Tweek's POV:**

Even though I had passed out and barely managed to mumble an 'idiot', my mind was swerving with thoughts. My hands were itching to touch my hair and tug on it until it came out.

I guess the only two good parts of this experience was the fact that I wasn't the only one that was now a girl, but the fact that I lived in South Park helped too. Eerie stuff happens here all the time.

Wild theories were growing and expanding in my brain by the second.

What if a God was agitated by my twitchiness and wanted to turn me into a girl but his little plan accidentally backfired and made everyone else a girl and when we were back everyone would HATE me because I was so twitchy and then never hang out with me ever again and then I turned into a giant Harbuck's coffee mug?  
What if I accidentally sleep-walked into a magical vertex and I am trapped in another dimension and the girl Tweek was embarrassing me in front of my real friends and when I come back everyone would laugh at me and what if the girl Tweek was unhappy because I ruined her status or something and then wanted to take all my blood?

What if Damian had come back from Hell and turned everyone into a girl because he was angry at us for some reason and the only way to go back to our regular self was too get a magical blue or yellow or purple or grey potion that was impossible to get too and everyone turns into Underpants Gnomes for the rest of the life due to the fact that we couldn't get the potion?

Ok…calm down…calm down.

I should have taken my calming medicine.

But I couldn't.

Because for only one reason.

WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED TOO MANY OF THE PILLS AND I TURN INTO SOME MONSTER OR AN UNDERPANTS GNOME AND THEN GET SUCKED INTO A PORTAL OR SOMETHING?! THAT IS WAS TOO MUCH PRESSURE!


	9. This'll be one hell of a day

****Author's note: Hello again peoples! There is a fairly long Kenny flashback that SEEMS to have nothing to do with the story in the middle of the chapter. I'm just going to PRETEND that Kenny didn't wish for everything not to happen in South Park Bigger Longer and Uncut. I'm very sorry but after I wrote the flashback I forgot that Kenny's wish caused Christophe to live again, and I didn't have the heart to erase my beautiful *eyeroll* piece. People mentioned in Kenny's flashback (Other than the Mole and Pip) aren't real, because I feel to guilty putting real people there. The flashback will have a role (or at least I'm planning that it will have a role) The Mole's accent will be written in English. So if he says: God sucks! (I do not agree with him). It would be written as "(God sucks!)". I don't know how you do your bets but I'm pretty sure the way I bet with money is different from yours. How did I do in this chapter? Good? Bad? References too many episodes! How big of a part should The Mole have in the story? How big of a part should Kenny's deaths be? Should Satan/Jesus make an appearance? Will the boys keep their hats? I would really love and appreciate to hear your answers so please message or leave a review! Okay-I'm blabbing, read on! **

**Stan's POV:**

"Where is the fat ass anyway? He is usually here by now." Kenny asked me. I shrugged. How should I know? I couldn't wait for him to get the ass whopping. Or at least watch Craig and Tweek beat Cartman up because they're the most skilled fighters here.

"He's probably not going to show up cause he is a fat wuss." Kyle crossed his arms and snorted distastefully to show his ultimate disgust in Cartman.

I stared into the white horizon surrounding Cartman's house, watching and making sure I didn't miss a fat figure stuffed into a red coat walk out. Even though Cartman was about as subtle as a pounding mallet. It was fairly difficult to see the old green painted house through the brittle tree branches and the ongoing falling snow from the sky.

I heard a car screech. I rapidly turned my head and gazed my eyes toward the snow covered road to see what it was. The door opened wide open.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" An woman with a face like a bucket of smashed crabs screeched. Ah, oh so joyous bus was here (*insert eyeroll*). I wonder if she would actually take notice of everyone. Probably not; she's a crap-faced asshole.

I got on the bus first. Everyone else was too scared (about school or Miss Crabtree?). I knew she didn't give enough craps to recognize people who ride the bus. She just scowled in my direction, not taking any notice of my new appearance, as I sat down in my regular, aged, graphitized bus seat.

Kyle, followed by Craig, Clyde, Kenny, and last Tweek, at last got the guts to get on the bus.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Miss Crabtree howled again, even though no one was talking. Probably was just a force of habit. Her raspy, earsplitting screams shook the bus.

"Whatever, you crap-faced asshole." I mumbled under my breath.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, LITTLE MISSY?!" She screeched.

"I said I some crappy people don't have souls." I replied loudly and very quickly. Damn, I'm getting worse at making up rhymes. Kyle and Kenny gave me a: "What dafuq?" face. I just shrugged uncertainly.

"Oh. Okay." She answered. Kyle politely and instinctively took the seat next to me. Craig swiftly sat next to Tweek, but roughly pushing Tweek out so Tweek would have the aisle seat he could have the supposedly better window seat, and Kenny grudgingly just settled next to Clyde, much to Clyde's distaste.

Everyone sat toward the aisle, so we could discuss WTF just happened. Clyde went first.

"Not many people ride the bus, right?" He asked everyone nervously. Kyle started calculating the average of how many people ride the bus before Craig started to give another one of his cynical asshole (I shouldn't be talking but whatever) famous speeches.

"We can't hide forever. We are still going to school after the fifteen minute bus ride. And I still can't believe that the women driving the bus actually let us (meaning Craig, Clyde, and Tweek) on the bus. We have always walked to school. And where is Cartman?" She finished in her nasally voice.

"The lazy ass probably just convinced his mom to let him stay home if he is a girl." Kenny replied while she started picking the strings off his scarf.

"I wish my mom was a pushover." Kyle replied with a sour and disappointed look written across her face.

"Your mom's a bitc-," Kenny started to say the last part of you know what, before Kyle gave her one of her famous death glares.

"Ahem...never mind." Kyle looked pretty satisfied.

"Do you think if we cut our hair we would look the same?" Clyde stupidly asked. I already knew the answer. NO.

"I don't think so." I said as politely as I could. Dumbass Clyde. The hair wasn't the main problem, it was our clothes.  
"I've calculated all the people who ride the bus. Since this is the 4th grade bus, only 4th graders get on. And since the students in Mr. Garrison's class sit toward the back, the other classes wouldn't be able to see us. And, since the other classes don't know us, they wouldn't be able to recognize us anyway. Since the girls sit toward the front of the bus, they wouldn't be able to see us. So, the people in our class who ride the bus who aren't here yet are: Cartman, Butters, Token, and those two kids who joined our class. I only remember one is from Yardale and one smokes." Kyle trailed off. He figured all that out in two minutes? Wait…Yardale…smokes…that is sounding oddly familiar.

"Who are the two new kids?" I asked Kyle. Kenny answered.

"Remember when Kyle's mom? The one who acts like a bitc-ahem- I mean started the war against Canada?" Kenny asked me. I nodded. Confusion was still running in my head.

"Let me put it to you this way. Gregory is the one who loves Wendy" My eyebrows furrowed. Oh, not THAT guy. I thought he fucked off last year in 3rd grade.

"And Christophe died because Cartman didn't set off the alarm and he got maimed by dogs." Kenny finished. He seemed awfully depressed at the last part. Then everyone looked awfully confused.

"I know he died, but then how is he living today?" Kyle asked Kenny. Now that I look back, I've seen him around school sometimes too! Kenny's eyes rolled over to the corner of her eyes and her frown grew bigger. The disappointment didn't leave her face. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel guilty and wanted to ask if she was okay. But Kenny is stronger than that.

**Kenny's POV:**

TO ANY OF YOU LISTENING, IF IT'S GOD OR SOME OTHER PERSON, PLEASE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE BELIEVE ME. WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY/THINK IS 100% NOT A LIE!

Okay, this is why Christophe is still living:

My friends, who are sometimes total douche morons, still don't believe me when I say I have died countless times (It makes me tear up whenever I say that). The only two people who actually remember my deaths are Karen and I! Well I have, and it FUCKING HURTS! Anyway, I've tried to drown Stan and Kyle's idiotic qualities of memory in self-praise but it doesn't work. Sometimes I go to heaven if I've been good, half the time I go to hell because I hang out with Cartman, and other times I don't remember anything but black space. I've been to all heaven and hell so many times that I have played cards with Jesus Christ and count Satan as a comrade.

After I died when a creepy reptilian bird ate me alive after I came back from a foster home, I went to hell because Heaven denied me. Not that I was nervous or apprehensive or anything.

**-Flashback-**

"_Oh not this again!" I screamed as I fell into a vast hole of fire. Hell. The slight ashamed feeling of me that I didn't make it to Heaven burrowed to the back of my head. The dead spirits ghosts who had also been sent to hell (And unfortunately didn't get to come back, like I did) swirled around me._

"_Hey, Kenny. Do you want to play cards before you get sent back to the Earth again?" A spirit, almost giddy, asked. I shook my head immediately. No, I'm not going to play cards with Cartman's uncle._

"_Welcome to hell!" A spirit exclaimed brightly._

_I landed on the hot, red ground. The sore feeling in my ribs suddenly dispersed to the rest of my body. Ow. Couldn't they make a softer entrance to hell?_

"_WELCOME TO HELL, GIVE UP ALL HOPE, YOU- Wait…oh, hi Kenny." The greeter greeted me. I've been here so many times that I'm somewhat a local celebrity. I rolled my eyes and stepped into the lobby. Yes, hell has a lobby. I have tried taking pictures but whenever I come back to Earth they're all blank, white photos. Hell has a very creepy lobby. A blood red fountain squirting out soiled water, paintings that all portrait Satan and only __**diet cherry sugar free**__ candy gummies to eat. Oh the horror!_

"_ALL SOULS GO THIS WAY." A white sign pointed to the front desk, where Satan's assistant assigns the hell souls to a cage where they would be fed, work, socialize with nearby cells, and sometimes even hold parties. Hell isn't nearly as good as Heaven, but it isn't bad once you get used to it. The guilt and sinking feeling that you have been sent to hell goes away eventually._

_I walked up to the front desk and placed my hands on the rock table._

"_Do I still need a cage? I'm just going to go back again after this." I negotiated. The assistant shook his head and handed me a key that read "KENNY MCCORMICK". But, you couldn't see the name anymore because of the fingerprints and erosion of my hands. To me, this key was about as useless as concrete sandals in a swimming pool because my cell door broke down from all the times I've jammed the key in the keyhole and Satan was too cheap to fix it. I sighed, took the key, and walked toward my cell. I've been here so many times that I know who the people in the other cells are. I even had enough time to decorate my room. I took off my clothes and changed into hell's work clothes._

"_You're back again? Cool. I was kind of getting bored." My cell neighbor, Heather V. Wittenbate (Age 22, stole $5000 and a guy's arm-don't ask me, I don't want to know, female) said. I just flashed a fake smile._

"_I'm going to Satan's room after I'm done. You have seen me come here and disappear over and over again, right? Why do I still have to go to Satan's room to review all the sins I have done?" I asked. She shrugged. I tugged off my parka and started to struggle into my work clothes. Damn, my work clothes are uncomfortable._

"_(Hey Kenny)." My other cell-neighbor greeted. I turned to see the familiar face of Christophe J. Mole (Age 9, hates god, male). I didn't respond but I flashed a fake grin. I looked around my oh-so familiar cell. Boring grey bars, boring red color, and a boring rough floor. The personality from my cell was some Playboy posters, photos of my friends and Karen, and an old grey blue cape and black mask-which I all brought with me from Earth. Everyone else's cage were blank, since they had no chance going back to the reality. _

_I swung my cell door open and slowly trudged myself to Satan's room. I walked through the thick, bitter air and went in a western direction. My blond hair drooped down as my eyelids tried to open. I dodged the deep holes Christophe has dug into the floors. _

"_(Watch out for the holes!)" Christophe called out._

_I made my way toward the elevator and pushed the up button. I walked into the closed space to meet Pip also there._

"_Hey Pip." I said. I don't remember why I hated him when he was alive but the grudge I kept when he was alive was lifted when he died. He is still fairly ignored in Hell, so whenever I speak to him he smiles._

"_Oh hello Kenny; what floor will you be going on?" He asked in an upbeat attitude, which contrasted to my agitated-depressed state and made me more annoyed. The thing that annoys a depressed/agitated person more than the 'Oh c'mon' attitude is a happy person. I'm right and you know it._

"_Satan's room." I grumbled._

"_Oh jolly good, me too!" He responded, not picking up on my mood. Pip pressed his finger on the button and the elevator went up. This will be a long ride with Pip (Satan's room is the first floor, right now we're on the -251 floor). The number of people who get rejected from heaven is ridiculous._

"_So, why are you here Kenny? How did you die this time?" At least Pip remembers my uncanny disappearances and deaths. Everyone in Hell remembers._

"_A giant reptilian bird frikin ate me." I replied. Pip nodded; he knew that A. this was not the time to bother me with annoying questions and B. this is South Park-anything could happen._

_Silence fell. I gazed lazily at my nails as Pip nervously looked around the elevator. Minutes passed and I checked what floor we were on. Floor -189…dammit. Pip broke the silence._

"_Does anyone believe you are immortal yet, ol' chap?" He asked._

"_Not any of my friends." I answered. I started to pick at my fingers in depression. I promised one day I'm going to record one of my deaths on a camera and show it to someone, but suicide is more horrifying than the usual Michael Jefferson/Jackson death or the giant reptilian bird death. ._

"_You'll get there soon." He responded, flashing a sad smile. I didn't answer and picked at my fingers even more. I lazily gazed my eyes around the elevator, trying to entertain myself._

_Silence…_

"_DING!" The elevator door opened. I stepped out first and Pip followed me. I walked down the narrow rock hallways slowly and made my way toward the big red doors. Satan's doors._

"_Here it is…" I mumbled under my breath "…again…" I added when Pip looked away. I pushed against the heavy door. I saw Satan watching a kids cartoon._

_Pip and I stood there for a second by the doorstep before Satan turned off the TV and turned to face us._

"_What do you want?" He said, huskily and slightly frustrated that he was missing his quality screen time._

"_I was wondering if you could cover up all the holes on the hallways, if that wouldn't be too much of a burden, sir." Pip replied, happily. This kid is too happy for his own good._

"_That kid began digging holes again?! Aw man! All these repairs are too damn expensive!" Satan started raging on. I rolled my eyes. Christophe hasn't changed at all._

"_And what do you want? Oh, right. Do we have to review all the misdeeds again? I've seen the same video at least a hundred times." Satan said when he saw me._

"_I don't want to see it either. I'm just going to go back to reality again tomorrow." I replied. At least Satan and I were on the same page. Another run of Kenny McCormick's sins was the last thing I need._

"_Good. Hey, Kenny," He trailed off. I turned around and started at him. Pip had already left._

"_That Christophe kid is your friend, right? He is becoming too much of a burden in hell and I still owe you for showing me how Saddam really is, so would you like to take him back to Earth when you return?" I was shocked. Satan was actually…reasonable! Yeah right, there had to be a catch or an angle strung along. Take the Sunday Hawaiian Luau for example. You get to have a fun time, until the black monsters come to rip your head off slowly and painfully and then you go back to hell._

_I hesitated for a second. I guess if I didn't distract Cartman from turning off the alarm, Christophe would still be alive. I owe 'The Mole."_

"_I guess." I responded._

"_Good. That saves me at least five hundred bucks. But to take Christophe back, you must sell your soul to hell for a period of time." Satan replied as if it was nothing._

_Sell my soul? How long would I have to do it? People in hell still kept their soul, but sell mine? What would I do? I guess I owe Christophe. I stayed silent for a while before mumbling out an 'okay'._

"_Then it's settled. You are going to stay in hell for two more weeks and you are going to have to do double the usual labor the other souls do. Now your soul is officially part of hell's property until you permanently die." Satan negotiated. My eyes nearly popped out of my skull._

"_Two whole weeks? And double? And my fucking soul is part of hell? How much does it take for someone to go back to Earth?" I exclaimed._

"_Not much, but it is fun seeing you suffer. You usually go here without doing any labor anyway." Satan said as he turned on his cartoons again. That signaled that I had to leave his office._

_Sell my soul. That didn't sound right._

_No one would notice I was gone for two weeks anyway. _

_I ended up agreeing to Satan's deal and The Mole got to go back to reality. I did double the work (Which wasn't too bad) and some people questioned my disappearances after all. I didn't expect that Karen would be leap into my arms when I came back, my parents didn't care (As usual…), Stan noticed and welcomed me back, Cartman couldn't care less, and Kyle pretended not to notice I disappeared. _

_The other part of Satan's deal was that Christophe or I couldn't tell anyone about his deal. Apparently, he would get into 'huge amounts of trouble'. Yeah right._

**Stan's POV:**

"Dude, Kenny, are you alright?" I asked him. He grew awfully disappointed all of a sudden.

"Yeah; I am. What made you think I wasn't?" He replied, trying to smile. I could detect sadness in his voice but I decided it was best not to make a big fat hairy deal out of it.

**Kenny's POV:**

Now wasn't the time to make a big fat hairy deal out of my deaths after this gender swap shit was going on.

**Stan's POV:**

"So…are we going to just admit it to everyone or are we just going to hide it…?" Clyde asked everyone and started nervously playing with loose stands of messy brown hair.

"Not either. Do not talk unless spoken to, do not give to detailed explanations, do not act like you usually do, make up your name, lie to everyone basically." Craig answered in a deadpanned voice. Her icy black eyes stared at me, then Kenny, then Tweek, waiting for a response.

"What? That'll never work." Kyle negotiated.

"Yup, and if I had wheels, I'd be a wagon." Craig rolled her eyes. Kyle shut up.

"I have a better idea." Kenny cleared his throat. Her brown eyes shut tight and she smiled smugly as if she had superiority over others. I waited for her to say an answer.

"I'll bet twenty bucks that all the boys are now girls." Kenny finished his short and proud speech with a haughty smile. Kenny's to confident for his own good.

My jaw plummeted.

"Hmm? Stan, why are you so shocked all of a sudden?" Kenny asked me immediately as soon as she saw my state.

"Well…" I could think about a hundred things to say right there, like 'No way, McCormick, that is strange for even South Park' or 'Fuck off', but my mouth hung open to say something but no words came out. Everyone quickly dropped the topic of me and started to think themselves. Good.

Craig's eyes flattened and stared at Kenny and she responded:

"You're on, Kenny. No way all the boys would be girls. I'm adding twenty bucks too." She said flatly with the least amount of interest written on her face.

"Everyone chip in twenty bucks." Kenny exclaimed while daydreaming about money she could spend on himself. Her cheeks turned crimson in excitement and there were literally stars in her eyes.

No one spoke for a while. The rummaging of the bus quickly took up the silence.

"It's a high possibility Kenny's right. I'll put twenty bucks into Kenny's bet too. I'll even put in a chocolate bar." Kyle injected dully with eyes half open while smacking her lunch box, where the chocolate was. No one spoke up for a few moments before Tweek decided to speak.

"Gah! I g-guess I could put in twenty-AHH-dollars in Kenny's offer. Wait-what if" Tweek was just about to go into paranormal mode but was quickly cut off by Clyde.

"No, Tweek." Clyde rolled her eyes. "I'll put twenty _five_ whole smackaroos into Craig's." Many shocked looks were shared. Clyde crossed her arms and shared the same smug look as Craig. It's astounding how foolish Clyde can really be with money, but I'm not complaining.

"What about you, Marsh?" Craig asked in his usual monotone voice.

"Uh…err…I guess I could put in…" I checked my backpack pocket "Um…twenty bucks into Craig's side." I stuttered out. Kenny started mentally counting all the money he was supposedly going to make.

"Twenty…forty…one hundred five whole frikin' dollars going into my pocket and a chocolate bar to eat! YES!" Kenny exclaimed brightly.

"Dude, I'm going to keep the money." Craig retorted while flipping Kenny the double bird.

"You got to split it, you know!" Kyle replied.

"I know, I know." Craig and Kenny said in perfect unison. The sentence they spit out had no sincerity in it at all but it was too late now.

"SHUT UP OR THE BUNNY DIES!" Miss Crabtree screamed. I shook a little as her screechy voice echoed through the bus. Miss Crabtree held up a snow white bunny and a butcher knife. My eyes widened in fear.

"She is not really going to do it." Clyde retorted. Miss Crabtree held the knife to the bunny's neck closer than before.

"SHUT UP!" I hissed at Clyde.

"It's just a bunny." Kenny said dully with eyelid drooping in boredom.

"I"LL KILL THE BUNNY IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" Miss Crabtree squealed.

I put my finger on my mouth and tried to hush everyone again. It fell silent for a whole two seconds.

"No. Silence is broken." Clyde replied in a low voice with her usual blank face.

The bus was then pulled to a sudden halt. At first I thought that Miss Crabtree had pulled over to kill the bunny, but the bus doors had opened as well. There were two small figures entering the bus.

**Kyle's POV:**

Oh…shit…

I wasn't nearly as panicky as when I came to the bus stop, but two people were getting on the bus. One was a boy in the other 4th grade class (or at least I didn't know him), but the other was what worried me.

A short, lanky girl sat very far away from us, but still sat in the Garrison zone. She was a jittery (But not twitchy) nervous blond that had pigtails tied with olive green bows and an awkwardly placed green bow was on peak of her head. She had navy blue eyes that were trying to secretly steal glances, as if she feared she was being silently judged. The blond wore a plain white blouse with ruffled cuffs and a long red and black plaid skirt that went just below her knees. She wore perfectly polished black shoes that kept tapping the dirty bus floor annoyingly. She started mashing her knuckles together and swiftly turned to face the front.

Next, the only thing was heard were the turnings of the bus wheels and rummaging of the engine. Kenny then promptly broke the silence.

"Told you! One hundred twenty five smackaroos is all mine!" Kenny exclaimed happily. It looked as if his head was about to explode with happiness and greed.

"Wait…what? Butters?" Stan turned her head to face the blond again.

"Oh hamburgers." The girl's bottom lip quivered and rubbed her knuckles once again. I instantly put two and two together and mentally face-palmed myself. Man, am I such an idiot. This has happened multiple times and I still cannot get it right.

The bus made another sudden stop and more kids started to flood in. The wave of the other classes started to poor in, and last followed a lone African-American girl who sat in the Garrison zone. I instantly thought of Token. Yes! Got it right!

Token (Or at least what I'm 99% sure is Token) had curly black hair going down to her shoulders and she wore a purple headband. She had big light brown eyes, dark circles hanging below her eyes, and a cleft chin. Token wore almost the exact same clothes as she did before. A radiant, loose-fitting purple shirt with a yellow T embedded on the front swayed loosely on cobalt skinny jeans. Brand new, expensive purple classy shoes stuck to her feet.

The bus door closed dramatically and the bombing of talking erupted.

"SHUT UP!" Miss Crabtree shrieked. Little effect was taken place.

"Butters and Token, sit your ass's right here so we can deal with this bullshit." Craig said while motioning them to seats close to us but at the same time flipping each one the middle finger. Some things never change.

The blond and the African looked at each other, raised a brow, and moved their seats toward us uncertainly and very cautiously.

"Oh…uh…I'm not Butters…" Butters started trailing off, with fingers crossed behind her back. I rolled my eyes.

"Drop the act, we know you are Butters." Stan interrupted while flicking a loose strand of hair.

"How-wait-why…oh...and to think I was so worried I was the only one." Token slapped herself on the forehead and sighed.

"Wait…I don't get it still. How do you know me? I don't know you." Butters said, worried.

"Don't you recognize moi? Don't cha? Don't cha?" Kenny started teasing Butters and pulling her pigtails. Can't this guy take anything seriously?

"Knock it off, Kenny." Stan and Craig said in unison with a blank face. Kenny stopped but still smiled smugly. Craig flipped him the bird. Kenny quickly started to tease Butters again and Craig sat there flipping everyone off. Tweek sat there in paranoid mode and was spinning her head to observe the bus to make sure that no ghosts or pirates would take over or something stupid like that. Things still haven't changed. Stan just stared into space with the biggest poker face I've ever seen him wear, making it impossible to even guess what he was thinking about.

"Kenny? That's-That is kind of weird f-for a girl's name." Butters inquired timidly.

"Dude, Butters, that IS Kenny McCormick."Token sighed as he slapped himself square in the forehead. Butters is still a little slow.

Silence fell between all of us. Only the cheerful conversations of the other classes were heard.

"Oh…Kenny's a girl. Then w-who are those people?" Butters asked. I mentally pretended to shoot Butters in the leg as Stan snapped out of his blank stare and nose-bridge pinched.

"Don't you get it?" Clyde asked. Butters shook her head. Even Tweek was getting a tiny bit pissed, and that's about as uncanny as Cartman becoming a Rabbi.

"Aw crap Butters, don't you recognize these people? You know I'm Kenny, right?" Kenny sighed, half disappointed and still half teasing as she pointed to the rest of us.

"W-well, I don't know…" Butters scratched her scalp.

"Fuck it, I'm Craig. That's Tweek. That's Clyde." Craig pointed at Tweek and Clyde. Butter's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"But, you don't look like them." Butter's said stubbornly while trying to cross her arms correctly while attempting to look smug and superior.

"Yeah, and you don't look like Butters. You look like frikin' Marjorine." Stan replied.

"How do you know t-that?" Butters questioned.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I started to play with my Ushanka flaps as the other guys/girls tried to explain very slowly to Butters why we are girls. Or tried to at least. Stan would just make smartass retorts once in a while, Kenny would just laugh menacingly, Craig would just make things more confusing and flip people off randomly, Clyde would stupidly try to explain it, Tweek would just sit there getting pissed, and the most useful person, Token, would very calmly explain it to Butters. But unfortunately Butters still couldn't understand.

"Dude, we are ALL girls." Stan sighed. He has kept the same nose-bridge-pinch for almost five minutes now.

"B-but, why?" Butters asked.

"I don't know." Clyde remarked smartly (or dumbly).

"Then how do I know…I-if you fellas are telling the t-truth?" Butters asked.

I slapped my forehead and opened my green eyes in annoyance and started to explain it-in the most temper manageable way I could.

"Butters, if you haven't realized it yet, we know you are Butters. You got turned into a girl-all of us did. I'm Kyle. The one in the grubby orange scarf is Kenny. The one with the long-ass hair is Stan. The one with the blue hat is Craig. The one with messy brown hair is Clyde. And the one with poorly matched socks and shoes is Tweek. I don't know why we are girls, and I'm pretty sure everyone else in the class that is a boy is a girl." I exclaimed while flailing my arms around crazily. I crossed my arms and let the redness in my face disperse. The eight of us fell silent for a while. I let the awkwardness soak in for a while because I really didn't want to talk.

"Oh." Was Butters reply to my ramble.

"Finally." Stan exhaled. Awkward silence quickly soaked into the eight of us once again.

"GET OFF NOW!" Miss Crabtree screeched so loud that it shook the bus. I swear, if I could have a dollar for every time she screamed, I would be crushed by the weight.

"Ugh! Now my ears are bleeding." Stan covered her ears and mocked blood dripping out of her ears.

"Dude, fuck that, we have to get off NOW! Miss Crabtree is getting pissed!" Clyde exclaimed while she tugged onto Stan's jacket cuff. Clyde practically dragged Stan off the bus by her brown coat. Craig, Tweek, and Token (Craig's gang). Butters lonely followed the gang. I grudgingly trailed Kenny as she confidentially walked off the bus, with hands burrowed into her shameful orange jacket.

I walked off the bus and joined the rest of them (Craig's gang, Kenny, Butters, Stan).

**Clyde's POV:**

All of us gaped at the small orange painted building. Though looking perfectly normal on the outside, the school contains a special power: madness and bad luck. This, for some weird reason, place is the exact location all the strangeness and cruelty in the world always desires to strike. A history of odd things can be traced back to this school (More specifically-cough cough Stan and his pals cough). From the new hoarding disease to the whole missing butt child incident, this school has been able to remain standing.

Today was the day I'm going to make the list longer. I'm going to make the list of strange things that took place in South Park Elementary longer. I bet "Some Guys are Now Girls" would blend in perfectly with the list.

Today was going to be hell of a day.


	10. Kyle, stop smacking Butters on the head

****Author's note: Craig and Tweek are SLIGHTLY out of character…okay, maybe severely OOC****…just a little bit bolder**** and a lot more violent****.**** But most Creek fanfics I've read had Craig more bad-ass and Tweek is more insane than he really is…soo...anyway…if you want a character to have a bigger part (Any sibling, Bebe, etc…), don't be afraid to message moi! Some parts of the chapter are pretty damn cheesy. How big of a part should Kenny's deaths be? I would love to hear from you (Whoever you are). Please review! They are my motivation for chapters! :)  
**

**Kyle's POV:**

I let the snow soak into my fur boots slowly. With my eyes watching the ill colored snow and ears shut off, it was almost impossible to tell what was going on in reality.

"No, you do it." Stan crossed her arms stubbornly. I snapped out of my trance.

"No, you do it! I don't want to." Clyde argued back

"I don't want to do it either." Kenny said plainly.

"No one wants to, McCormick, so shoot and do it." Stan responded while wearing an obstinate face.

"Yeah, Kenny!" Clyde agreed.

"Let's play punchies for it. I'll go first." Kenny randomly shouted while violently socking Stan in the arm. Stan responded with a fist connecting with Kenny's skull.

"Owwwwwww!" Kenny whined.

"GAH! PLEASE DON'T PICK ME!" Tweek exclaimed randomly while shaking violently.

"Why don't we just let Tweek do it?" Kenny asked Stan. Stan shrugged.

"Wha-no!" Tweek basically screamed with eyes twitching and head shaking.

"Yeah, don't make Tweek do it." Clyde defended Tweek, knowing how Tweek could break down under the imaginary 'pressure'.

"Okay Donovan, then why don't you do it?" Stan raised a brow.

"Why don't you open the school doors?" Craig hissed.

"Isn't the famous Craig Tucker badass enough to do it?" Clyde questioned.

"Yeah, c'mon, get some balls and do it!" Kenny agreed while putting her finger on her scarf-covered chin while grinning very goofily. Can't this guy take anything seriously? The guy can't handle the slightest thing with our grinning or bursting out in laughter.

"No. I am not going to. And how come you guys can't do it? You should." Craig answered, slightly agitated while giving Kenny the double bird.

"If you haven't noticed we don't have balls anymore." Kenny slightly snapped back, grin dispersing from her face and redness returning to take it's place.

"Aw, c'mon, you should do it! If you are Craig Tucker you wouldn't give a crap! " Stan exclaimed, flinging her arms into the air. Clyde nodded, agreeing with Stan.

"Uh…Yeah." Butters said a barely audible tone. She started mashing her knuckles together again.

"And if I had wheels, I'd be a wagon." Craig answered back with an agitated look as she flipped everyone off. I didn't really understand the meaning of Craig's comeback but I guess it was a good one because Kenny's mouth dropped as if Craig had just shot someone in the face.

The argument continued. I rolled my eyes. These people were entirely hopeless. But of course I was being a total hypocrite because no way in hell I am opening the school doors. I let my friends argue for a little while longer as I stood soundlessly with and Token. The two of us both didn't want to do it.

"You do it, Kyle!" Stan exclaimed pointing an accusing finger (an Accusing Finger of Justice as Ike calls it). My eyes widened. Don't put this on me, Stan! No. I'm not doing it!

"What are you so afraid of, Stan? What?" Kenny said with an accusing tone in her voice.

"I'm still not opening the school doors." Stan crossed her arms.

"We'll be late for class!" I burst out.

"THEN YOU DO IT, KYLE!" Stan, Kenny, Craig, Clyde, Token, and surprisingly Tweek and Butters all cried out. I froze at my spot. No, I'm not opening the school doors!

The school doors were the creakiest door ever. If anyone opens them, all the students would turn their heads to see who it was because the screech could be heard from a two mile radius. We had already hidden behind a bunch of bushes to wait for everyone to go in so they couldn't see us (Ha ha, were cowards. Shut up.) It was about three minutes before the tardy bell rings…crap. I shook my head so hard that my green Ushanka came loose.

"Ok, Kyle isn't opening the doors." Craig pointed out.

"Fine! I'll do it!" Stan spat as she got up and furiously marched off. Her path to the door sure was a destructive one. Stan marched so heavily that whenever her Converse shoes took a step, dull green grass that had no trace of any snow on it would be seen in the footprint. She went toward the doors and motioned for us to come over. I cringed but everyone reluctantly got up and followed, but they hid behind a tree hear the door. I tightened my Ushanka flaps and waited for the gasps of strangers. Stan had pressed her pale hands onto the handle, but she wasn't opening it.

"Go Stan!" Butters quietly cheered from behind the snow covered tree. I smacked him across the head.

"Oww..."

Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. I heard heavy footsteps and I turned my head. It could've been a student!

**Craig's POV:**

Holy shit!

A monstrous girl with a terrifying face was marching right toward us. I had the instinct to back away but my feet felt as if they're stuck to the ground. My body went stiff. Even my hair had frozen into its spot. She wore a hilariously ironic sky blue winter coat zipped up…decorated in different types of CATS…and the hoodie covering her head. Her violent, powerful brown eyes were filled with rage and nose snarling hot… _sickening nostril air._ Her black jeans were ripped and appeared as if they were begging to be free from the fat legs they were surrounding. She wore surprisingly loud mukluks that were drenched in both snow and sweat. When she came to a five foot radius with me, I had to restrain myself from flipping her off.

She had marched right up to Kyle, looked down at her backpack strap, looked at her pigtails with a disgusting look plastered on her chubby face and exhaled heavily.

"Do ya' know an ugly daywalker, like you, Jewish little freak?" She spoke in a very weird dropping letters way and was an anti-Semitic. Silence filled the air…but Stan broke the silence and started laughing.

"Chmm…Humph…Cartman?" Stan asked, trying to hold back her laughter with her hands (but despite her efforts, it didn't work), burst out into laughter. Kenny started howling too and started slapping her knee. Clyde started to let out her loud cries of amusement too. Kyle started rolling on the snow laughing, hands clenched to her gut, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Butters wore a combination of an Oh-my-god face and an if-I-laugh-I'm-dead face. Token let out a few small snickers here and there and Tweek just stared at Cartman and let out a few giggles and I just blinked in disbelief. The equation is The Fat Ass + Stupid Kitty Coat = Hilarity. Then something in my mind snapped.

"CARTMAN! YOU DID THIS!" I shouted. Everyone stopped their amusement and stared at me. Cartman looked transfixed and was looking at me like I was mad. Everyone's faces grew grim, as they now finally remembered my theory on Cartman-turned-us-to-girls.

"What?" She asked innocently. She asked in a way so guileless that I wanted to puke. I marched straight up to the fat ass and connected my fist with her triple chin with much force.

"Why'ja do that for?" Butters half defended the fat ass. It resulted in Kyle smacking him across the head.

"Ow! What the hell did you do that for you little hippie?!" She howled in pain as she tried to aid her throbbing jaw. Even as a girl I can throw one hell of a punch. I ignored Cartman's cries and I jabbed my fist into Cartman's stomach. She kneeled down and started coughing.

I turned around to face the others.

Kyle looked overjoyed and had plastered a huge smile (who couldn't see that coming?). Stan wore a slight smirk and was fidgeting with her fingers and I couldn't tell what Kenny was doing due to her scarf but I think she was smiling deviously. Clyde wore a brainless but deceitful grin and was playing with her awkwardly sticking out ears. Token wore a big blank face but I could detect a very insignificant smirk as Butters, being Butters, was squashing her knuckles and being all nervous, and Tweek was as usual twitching but was still smiling all the same.

I felt a slap across my face (It's a bitch slap-no worries). I narrowed my eyes at Cartman. She looked terrified, but she tried to hide it with a sickeningly bold look. I punched her in the mouth and little blood specks appeared. I saw another fist bashing the side of Cartman's arm, leaving a dent in her blue kitty jacket and a large lump form. I momentary looked at the figure beside me. Tweek. Heh, the two best fighters here beating up Cartman...what a dream come true!

"What the fudge do you two hippies have against me?!" She screeched.

"Tell us how to change back." I said in a slightly calm but still ticked off voice.

**Cartman's POV:**

What?!

Change back?! And how the hell did they know I was Cartman?

"CHANGE FROM WHAT?!" I questioned in a loud and intimidating voice.

"Why we are girls butt-wipe!" She exclaimed. Girls?

"You were boys?" I asked. *Mental Gasp*. The hippie in front of me is Craig! And the asshole next to her is Tweek! And I'm predicting that the weirdo's behind them are my asshole friends, Token, and Clyde.

**Back to Kyle's POV:**

"Hey!" I heard a boyish voice say. I turned around to come face-to-face with another redhead.

A boy with spiky red hair sticking out in all directions was facing me. He had a handsome but somewhat mousy appearance, with greenish grey eyes and a long, slightly pointy nose, and a small mouth. His moderately bony cheeks were flushed red due to the bitter icy temperatures. He wore an open, puffy navy blue jacket and a thin orange shirt inside. His blue sweatpants stayed magically dry despite the snow being up to his shins.

"What?" I dumbly responded.

"You are Kyle, aren't you?" He asked while putting his hands on his hips. I froze in my spot. Stan had seen the whole conversation and she had walked toward me as she put an icy hand on my shoulder. I thought she would save me…but…just like before…my super best friend betrayed me.

"Of course this is Kyle." Stan responded. I flashed an angry look to Stan but Stan looked mystified by my annoyance. She put on an innocent look.

"Well…SHE would have to be in Garrison's too to recognize you, right? I thought you were a little brainier than that." She corrected my mental argument. My face's angry redness dispersed and was replaced by a mortified redness. I tightened my Ushanka.

"Yeah. It's me, Red. If you guys are all girls…what are the chances of all the girls to be guys?" She asked. Token, Clyde, Kenny, and Butters had walked over to Red. Tweek and Craig were still beating the crap out of Cartman (hehe).

"Who the hell are you?" Clyde asked rudely.

"Hi Clyde, it's nice to see you too." She retorted sarcastically while rolling her eyes.

"Dude, this is Red. She got turned into a guy." I explained.

"She did?!" Butters exclaimed. I smacked him across the head. Ya know, smacking Butters is actually pretty comforting!

"Ow..." Butters moaned. It resulted in another hit on his noggin.

"I think all the other girls are guys. I'm 95% positive. And Kenny's a BLOND?! I thought he/she was a brunette." Kenny face-palmed but couldn't help but smile goofily. "Anyway, I think we should skip class today to avoid Garrison." She continued.

"We are late to class." I said blankly while staring at my watch. Everyone ignored my comment but I don't blame them. I wouldn't listen either.

"Are Craig and Tweek beating up that girl?" Red gasped. The memory of Cartman in pain made me start smiling again. Ok, ok, laughing like a hyena again. My eyes pinched shut, my knees fell weak, and the next thing I knew I was rolling on the snow laughing heartily.

"Kyle!" Red stated firmly while sticking a finger in my face as if it were lecturing me.

"Oh…ha ha…chmm…ha…ha…HA…hahahahahahahahahahahaha." I put my hands on my mouth to muffle my laughter. Red probably thinks I'm a complete asshole but if you hated Cartman like I did you couldn't help it either.

"Anyway" Stan continued, ignoring me rolling on the snow covered ground howling in uncontrollable laughter (With Kenny by my side snickering) "You do think all the girls are now guys?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'm almost positive." Red responded.

"We should hold a meeting... We can all chip in our ideas to get us back." Token almost asked.

"That's a great idea. And can you please tell Craig and Tweek to stop beating the crap out of that poor kid?" Red requested again. Token sighed, walked away from our conversation to physically pull Craig and Tweek off of the fat boy, who was now battered, bloody, and bruised. I started to cackle so hard that they were now under the definition of wheezing like an old man. My cries of amusements are still didn't stop. While Craig and Tweek were still aching to pounce on the fatso, Token had stopped them.

"Ay! W-what was that for y-you stupid butt-butt holes? I-I'm not done with y-you!" Cartman exclaimed as she lifted up two pudgy fists and tried to act fearless, though you could see her shaking worse than Tweek. She had a black eye, a bruise along the side of her cheek, and specks of blood dripping from an open wound.

"Oh? That's Cartman? Why are you beating him up?" Red asked while gazing at the hilarious bloody fat ass. He suddenly seemed 99% less concerned now. I attempted to pause my abrupt laughter and Kenny tried to stop giggling. If I laughed anymore I would puke my guts out.

"Y-you two daywalkers have no souls, so you have no good j-judgment! You both have red hair!" Cartman screeched with eyes budging in disgust as she was stumbling to get up. I rolled my eyes as so did thy Red.

"He's the one who turned us to girls!" Craig called out while walking (followed by Tweek) toward us. Cartman then quickly got up in shock, despite his injuries, and marched right into Craig's face.

"So it wasn't about me farting on your sandwich yesterday and spilling coffee on Twee-ahem, never mind. It wasn't me you guys! Why the hell would I want to do that?! I thought it was that stupid Jew, Kahl!" Cartman exclaimed while pointing a fat sausage like finger at me.

"It wasn't me!" I said loudly (but it sounded more like a whine) while whirling my arms in the air.

"I agree. It's something you are more likely to do." Stan defended me.

"OK. I really think Cartman IS innocent. I mean, how could he have changed our facial features? Don't forget, we live in South Park. Weird stuff happens all the time." Red retorted.

"We should all bonk our heads together to transfer us back." Cartman interjected. I rolled my eyes.

"That's retarded, you R-tard!" I exclaimed.

"Ay! I'm not retarded!" Cartman defended.

"Yeah, he's not retarded. He is just possessed by a retarded ghost." Craig stated sarcastically. Kenny started to giggle again.

"Then what SHOULD we do?" Cartman asked with an angry tone.

"What we SHOULD do is excuse ourselves from class by writing a note…so we could all hold a meeting to all the gender swapped people to chip in our ideas to change us back! And…I really do NOT need our parents sending us out of town again after Garrison calls them." Craig said, with more emotion than usual.

That actually wasn't a super horrible or stupid idea.

"I think it's a good idea. We just need a note to excuse us from class." I replied. Craig and Clyde nodded in agreement.

"Who can plagiarize an adult's signature?" Red asked while cocking his head. We stayed silent for a while, before Kenny spoke up.

"I can copy both my parents' signatures and handwriting." She admitted sheepishly.

"How, may I ask?" Clyde inquired while raising an eyebrow. Token and Red nodded in agreement.

"Well…let's just say my bro Kevin was in a lot of trouble with the police and even though I HATE him he is still my bro." Kenny trailed off while blushing severely. I was so tempted to reply 'aww...wittle Kenny has feewings for his famiwy' but I decided at the last minute it would be inappropriate.

"Fine. Don't tell us." Token responded after a moment of silence, while taking out her expensive binder from her girly expensive backpack.

"Here's a piece of paper." Token said, while giving him a piece of notebook paper, which was probably very expensive (But it looked exactly like the paper in Kenny's binder). Kenny sat down onto a bench (which seemed to appear out of nowhere) and placed the paper delicately on her ripped jeans. Butters, Clyde, and Red quickly took the remaining space on the frost covered bench.

"Here's a pen." Stan said, while tossing a blue pen to Kenny.

"Ok. What should it say?" Kenny tapped the pen on her chin.

"We shouldn't do this! I'll get grounded!" Butters shouted in fear. Even though I felt bad for Butters (everything motivated on whether or not he'll be grounded), I instinctively smacked him on the head.

"Ouch." She whispered. I almost regretted my action.

"Butters, buddy, you'll get grounded for being a girl too." Cartman corrected.

"W-well I guess your right."

"Dear Mr. Garrison…" Stan began. Kenny scratched the words down on the paper.

"Please excuse Kenny and all the other students from class." Red continued with much hesitation. Kenny wrote down the words slowly.

"Is 'T-they are at an important dentist app-appointment' good?" Butters stuttered. Kenny shook his head.

"They're joining an important meeting?" Craig replied with still very little emotion. Kenny shook his head in disagreement again.

"They have a very private meeting to attend and after that…we parents want to take them out to eat at City Wok…for a learning experience…on e coli. They might not come back for a few days too. You can use these days to relax." I said, trying to keep a straight face. Kenny burst out into chuckles but wrote it down quickly.

"E coli? What's that?" Clyde asked.  
"It's that bacteria that make you have diarrhea that is found mostly in the City Shrimp and City Beef they serve there." I replied. Clyde made a sick face.

"Ok…they…May…not…come…back….for…a…few…days…use…time…to…relax." Kenny recited while scribbling down the sentence.

"What about the p-principal? Oh no! The principal is checking up on the cl-classes and my parents are going to check there later!" Butters exclaimed nervously. I kind of instinctively smacked him across the head. I regretted the action but I'm certain I'm going to do it again soon.

"Uh…please do not note this to principal…and mark all students present...my friends are actually police men and WILL arrest you if you do not do so." Stan said hesitantly. Kenny started to write.

"What if that doesn't work?" Clyde asked.

"Think about how happy Mr. Garrison will be without students for a few days." Token replied.

"I think the police thing is actually really good." I remarked.

"Signed: Mr. McCormick and Mrs. McCormick." Craig finished.

"Ok…signed…Stuart…McCormick…and…Carol…McCormick…how does this look, guys?" Kenny asked while shoving the piece of paper into Tweek's shaking hands. Everyone gathered around the paper.

I've seen Kenny's parent's handwriting before…and this looks pretty damn legit. He even fused in the southern way Mrs. McCormick would talk into the loose-leaf paper.

"This is great." I said while my eyes were glued to the paper, checking for any possible mistakes.

"Ay! Here, lemme have a look." Cartman exclaimed while forcefully grabbing it. He took one glance and then started to rip the ends, much to everyone else's distaste.

"Cartman! What are you doing?" Clyde shrieked.

"Kenny's family is poor." Cartman replied, as if it actually made sense. Kenny rolled her eyes.

"SO?" Stan asked.

"SO…this note wouldn't be all crisp and white." Cartman responded while rolling the paper into a ball and stomping on it with her mukluks. That actually made sense. Cartman picked it up, unwrinkled it, and handed it to Kenny.

"Hey…this actually looks pretty legit." Kenny replied while smiling.

"Of course it does!" Cartman retorted proudly while sticking a pudgy finger up in victory.

"Anything else we need to do?" Red asked as he stuck a finger onto his chin.

"Wait! We have to get the whole class or the note is ruined!" Stan made the realization. Everyone's eyes widened with fear.

"Oh no…we were so close" Token groaned.

"Dammit." I whispered angrily to myself.

"Stan! Quick! Here's the note and excuse everyone from class, NOW GO!" Kenny stumbled over his speech and shoved the note into her hands.

"What?! Why me?" Stan sputtered.

"Cause you can easily pass off as Wendy if you get caught and I was her partner for the history project last week so it would make some sense that Wendy passed the note off. Now shoo!" Kenny shooed Stan away. I swear, when worried, Stan can run as fast as a cheetah.

"RUN STAN! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Butters called out with arms swaying madly, in result of me smacking his head again.

**Stan's POV:**

I hurriedly opened the door (Hallways were empty) and sped down the shiny hallway with note in my hands. I ran to Mr. Garrison's room, made SURE it was Mr. Garrison's room, to find the class half full with people I couldn't recognize. Ah, the whole class was gender swapped. They were all worriedly working at their desks, being too afraid to speak to each other. I glanced through the door window.

Yes! Mr. Garrison's lazy ass personality had led him to the teacher's lounge, making it free for me to open the door.

I purposely opened the door quickly and loudly, and everyone's heads turned to me. I put the note onto Garrison's desk quickly. I had no time to waste! (That sounds so cheesy).

"Please head outside, right fucking now! You guys are all excused from class." I exclaimed while sticking a finger out the door, very worried that Mr. Garrison could be coming in at any second.

"Why?" A blond Kyle looking guy asked. Bebe.

"Cause, Bebe, we have a very important meeting!" I exclaimed, emphasizing the Bebe with arms flailing in the air. Bebe looked very nervous and no one budged from their seats. It stayed silent for a while.

"Is that you, Wendy?" A voice said from the class, breaking the silence. Damn, I must really look like her. I scanned the room for a boy version of Wendy. I mentally nose-bridge-pinched, I saw a little violet eyed me, who was blushing as well. Damn.

"No, I am not Wendy. Yeah...umm...*Sigh* I'm Stan. We have no clue why were gender swapped, and we're excusing everyone from class to discuss. So, could you please move your asses out the fucking door so we can leave before Garrison comes back?!" I exclaimed while motioning everyone to the door.

"Gender swapped? I-uh…have no idea…what you are talking a-about!" Guy Mandy exclaimed nervously. Okay…I'm trying to save their butts but no…they won't frikin let me.

"Drop the act, Mandy!" I growled, growing more impatient a mile a minute. Guy Mandy looked half pissed and half in shock, so I'm predicting I'm correct that it was her. I walked over to Violet eyed me (Wendy) and Blond Kyle (Bebe).

I grabbed them by the sweater/jacket cuff and puffed out.

"C'mon you guys! I'm Stan and the other guys are waiting! Red's waiting! Mr. Garrison could be back any moment! We have a pretty decent note to excuse us from class!" I pleaded. Wendy slowly got up and examined my brown jacket and converse shoes.

I started to hear loud footsteps from down the hall. My eyes widened and gazed at the two, pleading for them to just believe me.

"If it was a girl-Stan, this girl would be it. C'mon Bebe." Wendy nudged Bebe to come, who was blushing furiously at her boy-afro.

"You can get tips to hide the afro from Kyle. He's had a Jewfro for his whole life. Go! We don't have much time!" I hissed and dragged the two to the door. Bebe just blushed even harder.

"Okay, go out of the school, go out the exit doors to the left, head left and you'll see a guy Red and a blond with a scarf around her face. Just say Stan brought you here. Now shoo! Shoo!" I murmured in a loud voice and flapped my hands. The two ran out the door. I quickly turned my head to face the rest of the class, and all of them wore perplexed faces. I sighed. Fuck.

"Want more proof I know who you are? Fine! You're Nichole, You're Patty, You're Kevin, You're Emily, You're Jimmy, You're Anne, You're Heidi, You're Riley, You're Esther, You're DogPoo, and the rest of you are part of Mr. Garrison's class. Now, you guys are all gender swapped! Have you wondered where Red is? Have you wondered where Stan and his pals are? Have you wondered where Clyde is? They're all outside waiting for a class to come out because they sent me here! Go! I think Mr. Garrison is coming!" I exclaimed. Some distant voices were heard.

"Okay, Mr. Hat, how many times have I told you NOT to slap Ms. Downs?"

"Well, she's a bitch! You've got to admit that!"

"True, true, but that doesn't give you that right."

This time, all the students pushed in their chairs and stood next to their desks.

"Just frikin go outside and meet a gang of students there! GO!" I exclaimed once more. Most confusedly ran outside and a few just ran to skip class.

**Oh great…a whole new chapter of drama has just opened.**


	11. No! Bebe's evil idea!

****Author's note: Do not take any of Cartman's anti-semantic slurs or anything in the chapter. To answer some confusion: I have a very vague ending I'm planning to follow, Kenny's deaths will have its own chapter, AND I know Kenny is a little bit out of character, but I'll try to make him/her more perverted****.**** Tell me if chapter was too cheesy or corny or if any character is WAY too OOC! Kelley is an OC and she only plays a small part (to you OC haters). AND, I hope Wendy isn't going to be portrayed as a beeeyatch.**

–_**Special thanks to Coyote Smith, who has kindly helped me to create this chapter**_**, **_**C.S. came up with many ideas…the one used in this chapter is the Stan and Wendy switch, which will be more described in later chapters**__-_

**Wendy's POV:**

Being compressed between a girl-Stan and a brunette girl I couldn't identify while listening to Cartman rambling about nonsense is not my idea of fun. ESPECIALLY since I'm sitting in the glacial cold snow and I can feel the snow leak into my underwear. I could feel the blood in my arms freeze into ice.

I looked to my left to see girl-Stan, who was trying really hard to pay attention to Cartman's ramble without making any sarcastic commentary (Seriously. She is right now putting her hands on her mouth muffling the commentary that is dripping out of her mouth). I looked to my right to see a slightly chubby brunette who was playing with her lengthy strands of hair sticking out of her ponytail with a stupidly confused look written across her face. I am guessing that is Clyde (okay, I know that was really mean, and Clyde is nice, but he just isn't all that bright). My eyes scanned around the playground to observe how many people I could recognize.

"How is a pointless meeting about Jews supposed to help with our problem?" A muffled voice asked in agitation. She was a light-colored haired girl with a soiled scarf wrapped around her neck in a messy fashion.

"Who's that?" I whispered to Stan while lightly tapping him on the arm.

"That's Kenny." She answered quickly and quietly, only glancing at me for a second before looking toward Kenny again. Kenny's a BLOND? I thought she was a brunette. Guess I'm wrong (but I'll bet that I'm not the only one who didn't know what color her hair is until now).

"Cause the JEWS," Cartman voiced her anti-semantic response, "obviously did it! Is it JUST a coincidence that Kahl is evil and a JEW?! He's from Jersey; he's a Jew, and a GINGER! See?! Evil! Kahl obviously noted all the Jews to come and do their evil Jew magic!"

I looked toward the green Ushanka girl, who was sitting right next to Stan. She still had a badly controlled temper than ever, and Stan was preventing her from smashing Cartman's face (which I honestly wouldn't mind Kyle to do). I swear her green eyes had turned into a reddish color.

"Shut up fat ass!" Things still haven't changed. She had already stood up and was flailing her arms toward Cartman, but being constrained by Stan, who was hanging onto one of her pigtails.

"Just shut your Jew mouth!" Cartman retorted. Kyle tried to charge toward the lump of fat, but couldn't due to Stan.

"Dammit Stan let go of me!" Kyle cried out. I looked toward Stan, who was wearing a giant poker face.

"Well Kahl, than can YOU explain how were in this disgusting girl state?" I almost opened my mouth to protest, but I decided not to interfere.

"Well…no…But Jews did not cause this to happen!" Kyle snapped back with arms thrashing aggressively in the air. Stan restricted Kyle from further movement.

"Since you have no better ideas, KAHL, I am going to continue. I don't have time for your selfish Jew ways today." Cartman spat while taking out a notepad from her backpack. She started to flip through the pages of messy sketches that I couldn't make out. Finally, she smirked, and she pointed to a messy doodle on one of her sketchpad pages. I could barely see a fairly bad doodle of Kyle eating everyone's heads off. There was a little bit of writing in the corner but I couldn't see it clearly.

"See!" She stated proudly.

"What exactly are we acknowledging?" Emily asked while rolling her eyes.

"The Jews WILL destroy the world. If we don't act fast…" Cartman read from the writing on the doodle. She then turned another page and pointed a grubby finger on a supposed Jew with the world in its hands, "We are all going to die."

"How the hell is this going to help?" Millie demanded while standing up.

"Didn't you hear one word I just said, Milah?" Cartman questioned, "It was the Jews!"

"You know, I have better things to do with my time than listen to a hate speech!" Nelly retorted with an angry tone.

"Who wants someone else to lead the meeting? If you do want someone else to be in charge, raise your hand." Kevin shouted out in her new high pitched voice. I almost laughed when everyone in unison raised their hands in annoyance.

"Wha-well, that's fine all you hippies! Don't believe me!" Cartman sputtered. She marched off the playground bench in fury. "Just don't blame me when you're not allowed in my Jew Safety Shelter!" She added with a smirk. Jew Safety Shelter? I don't even…

"Then who has any idea or comment they want to say?" Kevin announced. Cartman raised her hand.

"Sit down, tubby." Kevin commanded. Cartman's face went red in anger.

**Kenny's POV:**

At first, I thought this meeting would produce a lot of ideas. I mean, the whole class couldn't be THAT stupid, right? Wrong. All were doing is listening to a hate speech about Jews and red-haired people. I shut my eyes tightly and buried my head into my lap, trying to shield myself from the bitter cold.

I couldn't help but wonder…if I die, would I go back into my boy self in a parka? I burrowed my thought into the back of my head and tried to ignore it, but it didn't fade away like other thoughts did. I tried to replace it with a new thought. What would I do with the money Craig, Clyde, and Stan owe moi?

…

If the blood in your veins near your ass has given up circulating, is that bad sign?

The playground stayed silent for a while.

If this so called 'meeting' stays silent for fifteen more seconds, I'll have to result in drastic measures so I won't die of boredom (I really CAN die of boredom, as I did when I went zip lining). What are my drastic measures? Easy, 1, Think about how I can better myself, 2, Think about how I can support an income for my family, and 3, PLAAAAAAAAAAAY-BOOOOOOOOOOOOY!

"What about our parents?" Kyle broke the silence. Dammit, just when I feel it's safe to be like a real pervert without someone catching me, someone interrupts it! Anyway…

"Should we actually tell them?" Bebe wondered as she tried to flatten her blond jungle of hair. In my opinion, hers was actually just about half as big as Kyle's old hair.

"No." Stan, Kyle, and Wendy voiced, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why?" Red asked, frowning. The three stayed silent but it seemed to be the correct thing to do.

"We should weigh the pros and cons of telling our parents!" A voice announced. I rolled my eyes. Dork.

"Ok, pros…" Wendy trailed off. We stayed silent for a while, before Craig spoke up.

"Easy. There are no." She stated dully while flipping everybody off randomly. I rolled my eyes again. Is Craig ever going to break the habit of responding to everything with her middle finger?

"Cons?" Bebe asked.

"Well, first off, some of our parents are incredibly stupid and dramatic…" Kyle exclaimed, obviously addressing Stan's dad. I couldn't help but snicker in amusement.

"…and others…" Kyle closed her eyes, "Are incredibly protective and super nosy and eventually will start war!" Kyle's face was in half mortification and half rage face. I couldn't help but burst into giggles, "And others are alcoholics and abusive and will probably kill some students." Stan pointed out while glancing in my direction. My laughter ceased and turned into a scowl. Dude…not cool…

"But not all parents are like that!" Powder pointed out, amusing himself one of his surprisingly thick strands of hair in distaste. Ah, I remember his parents. These two were the parents that would bake double chocolate cookies for the whole class on the first day of school.

"But you know how news spreads in South Park!" Wendy exclaimed. Oh, and her dad was one of those raging ones that would blame their child for anything that happens.

"Please don't tell your parents…especially mine…" Butters almost cried. Token supportively patted her on the back. Two words: you're grounded. Many murmurs were heard and some questions popped up from the sea of 4th graders.

"Oh, and, uh, you guys? My little brother kind of already knows about this whole changing into the opposite sex thing already…" Kyle admitted sheepishly.

Oh shit…I forgot all about siblings.

If my brother ever finds out he's going to blackmail me to do whatever sick and twisted things he wants me to, from me dressing in a bikini for his amusement to me dad in the nuts again.

"Kyle!" Token snapped.

"W-we shouldn't tell our parents. I'll get g-grounded." Butters voiced once more with eyes widened in fear at the thought. Damn, what did her parents do to her?

"If one kid goes down, everyone goes down." Wendy muttered.

"Has anyone else here told their parents or sibling?" Red announced while scanning the room for any possible people. Everyone looked around to see if anyone raised their hands. Booms of voices were heard from the class, whispering and talking to each other in suspicion. I saw Clyde's hand nervously go up.

"Clyde!" I snapped. Clyde cringed at my voice ringing in anger.

"My sister can be trusted! Katrina's one of those quiet, loyal people, guys." She stuttered nervously while nervously playing with her fingers. She stared hard down at the floor.

"Yeah guys. You know, I think people with trusted siblings can tell them. They could have ideas." Token expressed with a hopeful look on her face. Cartman's eyes lit up. Get ready to waste ten more minutes listening to a hate speech!

Cartman tore a blank piece of paper from his anti-semantic, racist doodle book and started to scribble down some names. I stared at her in curiosity. After a whole minute she stepped onto the playground bench and showed everyone the names. Her fat, fat face was very smug, and I had the urge to slap that false-superior smile off her flabby cheeks.

"From two years of being in the same class, I have noted all these siblings that may be trustworthy." She declared, pointing to a row of names. The confidence she showed didn't wane at all, but it seemed she was just pumping her ego even more.

"Are you a stalker?" Lola asked with a disgusted look on her face.

"Nah, she just has nothing better to do." I answered. I only earned a grunt from Cartman as a response.

"See here, Lola, your two year old sister didn't make it on the list." She stated smugly. Lola rolled her eyes. She obviously didn't really care. A few of Lola's friends started mumbling to one another.

"Kahl's Jew brother wasn't supposed to know!" Cartman spat. I didn't know why someone hasn't shoved him off the bench yet. Kyle rolled her eyes and glared at Cartman.

"Clyde's sister was trusted anyway. Heidi's older sister and older brother CANNOT be trusted because they're two-faced, horrific, dirty people." Heidi's jaw fell. I scoffed. Like Cartman's one to talk. "Timmy's brother can be trusted." I rolled my eyes. He was 'mentally challenged' too. "Craig's sister can be trusted." Craig's face twisted in distaste but she didn't say anything. "Jenny's twin brothers are NOT trusted cause their deceitful." Cartman announced. Jenny smiled deviously (So Jenny DOES respect Cartman's opinion. Huh). I'm getting the note Jenny hates his siblings too. "Stan's sister cannot be trusted for obvious reasons." Stan face fell with relief. I hate his sister too.

"Fat ass, I think we know our siblings a LITTLE better than you do!" Kyle exclaimed, with eyes narrowing distastefully.

"I agree." Heidi defended Kyle. A few more cries of agreement were heard.

**Bebe's POV:**

I stuck my fingers into my bushes of blond hair again. I made a disgusted face and tried to comb my curly hair with my fingers. It resulted in my fingers getting stuck in the heap of hair.

"Fine, be that way you Hippy-ahs!" Cartman exclaimed while, once again, marching off the bench. The class stayed perfectly silent for a full blasted three seconds before Craig opened her gaping hole of cynical-ass words (A.K.A. her mouth)

"We'll tell our siblings if we think their trustworthy and will keep their mouths shut. And we don't tell our parents. Because they fall into one of the main four categories, A, Their stupid, overdramatic and/or alcoholics who will make a big fat hairy deal and get an international crisis rolling, B, Their super over protective and will make an international crisis, C, They will just try to 'help'" Craig did air quotations "and will end up making a big fat hairy deal out of it and start an international crisis, or D, their gossipers and will tell A, B, and C who will start an internationally crisis. And don't you think it would be a LITTLE embarrassing revealing the state were in to even MORE people?!" Craig declared. His sarcastic speeches have once again made an impact on the way I think. Thanks for the mind-rape.

I had to agree with Craig though. Damn.

**Stan's POV:**

"So what's our next plan?" Nelly stated to everyone while crossing his arms to his chest.

"We," Token started, "To somehow find a way for our parents not to find out about our little incident." Token drew a blank. After a moment of silence, Sally spoke up.

"I suggest we change our physical appearance again to match our old ones."

"And h-how the-the h-he-heeeeeeeee-hell are w-we suppo-supposed to d-do that to e-every-everyone?" Jimmy asked. I supposed that both Jimmy and Token had a point. Sally's idea COULD work (because some people resemble a lot like their old self. Like if Jimmy wore a hat and replaced her girl clothes, she would look exactly the same) and Jimmy had a point too, some people were beyond the simple haircut and change of clothes (Me.)

"Well, some of the girls can wear wigs to cover up their hair and change their clothes. And some of the guys-girls can get wicked haircuts." Token suggested.

**Token's POV:**

"Stop me if you've heard this one," Cartman stood up and declared proudly while once again getting up onto the snow covered playground bench, "Some people-"

"Stop." Half the class moaned. I grinned in amusement. Cartman ignored the crowd and began to dictate his thoughts again.

"Why don't some students switch places?" I gazed at her in confusion. Many loud whispers were heard from the whole class, and whoever wasn't talking was listening.

"For example, the stupid ho and the pussy…They could switch places until we find another idea!" She finished with a smug smile crawling up her face. I directed my attention to Stan and Wendy, who were staring at each other awkwardly. They seemed to either A, know that they're ho's and pussy's, or B are just used to Cartman's antics. Silence soaked in.

"You know, that isn't a bad idea! The same thing could apply to Kevin and Esther!" Jason interrupted the silence while pointing to the now half-blushing and half-shocked Kevin and Esther. I couldn't help but glance at Nicole, who was already staring at me with a questioning look on her face. I guess if curled my hair and put my hair in pigtails I would look like her…

"Yeah!" Another person agreed.

"It's the first time Cartman didn't say something offensive or retarded! Congratulations, butt-wipe!" Kenny yelled out while sarcastic-whooping. Half the class giggled. I tried to resist smirking.

"AY! Shut up, poor piece of crap!" Cartman shouted, offended, face twisting with anger.

"Hmm…should I?" Kenny questioned while putting a finger on her scarf wrapped chin. Half the class laughed again.

"Stop putting your finger on your chin! You look gay!" Cartman snapped. That was basically her defense for anything. 'You look gay', even though when she was a guy he got the most into the meterosexual fad.

"Kenny's the one that's gay? I recall that YOU are the one who dressed as Britney Spears and made out with a Justin Timberlake cutout." Stan defended Kenny calmly. Some classmates stared at Cartman and Kenny in confusion, wondering if it really happened, but the people who saw Butter's tape laughed (including me) burst out into giggles.

"Wha-that didn't happen Stan! Stop making up things, butt-hole!" Cartman stuttered.

"I-it-well it did happen. I have it on t-tape. I used to watch it b-but then my dad grounded me for w-watching something called 'inappropriate'." Butters stuttered while signaling air quotes in the air on inappropriate. Kenny started to laugh her head off. Everyone stared at her with perplexed looks, which just made her laugh even harder.

"You are no better than the Jew! You two can just die and go to hell, because Jews don't believe in heaven!" Cartman yelled with her face as red as a tomato. Kenny started to laugh even harder in response. Her laughs now sounded like quick gasps of air. Cartman marched off the bench and mumbled a few words that I could barely make out, but I'm pretty sure she said something about 'eating your parents'. What does THAT mean?

**Wendy's POV:**

I gazed at Stan, who was blushing and yelling insults with now most of the class. I guess she did resemble me…a lot…and I resembled Stan. I mean, Bebe DID mistake me as her/him when I woke up. I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. Maybe Bebe and I caused all this…maybe I DID jinx this. I know something like the small, silly curse of the evil eyed jinx can't be THAT severe but last time I thought something couldn't be that serious was corrected when a queefing turned into a national catastrophe.

My heart sank deeper when Bebe looked at me with guilt in her eyes.

"At least I'm not on welfare like Kinny's family!" Cartman whined. I blinked and I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Well," Kenny stated, "You're the second poorest kid in school. And you seem to be the only one who really cares who is the poor kid. And how the hell are you sure YOU'RE not on welfare?" She seemed to be losing interest in the argument, due to the fact that she wasn't saying 'fat-tits' or 'fat ass' anymore and was playing with her hair.

"Shut up, Kinny! You're so poor, you have a new species: **Kennyious veryious poorious.**" She said smugly. That had to be the stupidest thing she had ever said.

"So you think I'm Kennyious veryious poorious?" Kenny replied while picking at her hair.

"Yeah!"

"Sorry to rain on your parade but I'm a human being. What are you, fat ass?"

"Ay! I'm a human! You're nothing like a human!"

"Well, any similarities between you and a human are purely coincidental!" Kyle retorted, defending Kenny's side.

"Shut up, you…you Jew!" Cartman shouted. Kyle wore the look of 'is that the best you can do?'

"Cartman, this isn't really going to help with our situation." Heidi uttered as calmly as she could.

"Ugh…fine…back to the topic of parents." Cartman stated with disgust. I waited for her to continue but she abruptly paused and waited for someone to break the silence.

"It's settled. We don't tell our parents and were going to try to look how we used to." Red finished. Several people nodded in agreement and some whispers were heard.

"Next topic of business; how the HELL did we get gender swapped in the first place?!" Kyle exclaimed with wide, angry eyes. I cringed. Everyone in the class started to chat with each other, all exchanging their theories with one another.

"I would say the Jews, but since KAHL has a problem facing the truth, I would say hippies." Cartman retorted. I rolled my eyes. I was just about to blurt out the truth, but I decided it could wait. Maybe I could tell a few people later to get it off my chest.

"Could it have the celebrities trying to get revenge again?" A voice piped up. A small number of murmurs were heard again.

"Did you call you-know-who a fudge packer again?" Kyle asked out loud, addressing to Stan.

"No! Isn't he dead though?" Stan snapped.

"Yeah, dead as Cartman's dad…we sent him to the moon…didn't we?" Kenny questioned. Sent WHO to the MOON because WHO called WHO a FUDGE-WHAT?!

"Ay!" Cartman replied, only hearing about the part of her dad.

"He is dead and is resting in peace. At least he saw Willzyx." Kevin responded.

"I guess." Tweek mumbled.

"Ahem-moving on, you guys!" Cartman shouted.

"Ok, here are my thoughts." Kelley started. "What if, now stay with me, some kind of strange magic came over the night? Maybe some supernatural sorcery came over the town affecting the 4th graders?" I highly doubted her theory was corrected. Don't get me wrong, Kelley is really nice and all, but she/he was one of those people who was obsessed with fairies and is very passionate about her magical stuff. A booming of talking erupted from the class, agreeing and disagreeing with Kelley's theory.

"I don't think that's right, Kelley." Jenny weakly smiled at his/her friend.

"Magic and stuff…?" Tweek asked while practically vibrating. Kelley slowly nodded with the smile quickly evaporating from her face. "…D-do goblins -ngh- and gnomes-GAH-count as m-magic or sorcery?" Kelley nodded again.

"The Underpants Gnomes!" Tweek exclaimed while adding an 'Oh sweet Jesus' at the end.

What…the…fuck…

"The Underpants Gnomes…oh, not this again, Tweek!" Craig groaned.

"Have you considered suing your sanity for non-support?" I heard Stan mumble. I let out a quite laugh.

"B-but it's true! The gnomes steal my underwear!" Tweek stuttered.

"Tweek, dude, you're really cool and all, but isn't this underpants thing getting old?" Craig said, exasperated.

"Y-you guy's minds a-are all like a steal t-trap! It's always cl-closed!" Tweek exclaimed. That was the first comparison Tweek has ever used (*insert slow clap*)

"Gnomes?" Kelley questioned. Tweek bobbed her head up and down, signaling the answer 'yes'.

Kelley reached into her backpack and pulled out a tiny, aged brown pocket book and turned to a certain page. The pages weren't white, but torn and looked like someone spilled tea over the whole thing.

"Gnomes…they are diminutive spirits that make flowers and crystals. Gnomes have the capacity to disguise themselves so they can do their industry undetected. They inherit small amounts of magical powers." Kelley read, with only Tweek paying close attention.

"Dude…you two…gnomes aren't fucking real." Cartman declared with a 'oh my god I'm surrounded by idiots' face.

"Yes they are!" Kelley and Tweek barked in unison. Cartman backed away.

"Yeah Cartman…I think there right. Remember when we stayed at Tweek's house for that book report thing and the gnomes taught us how corporations work?" Kyle stated while pointing to Tweek.

"Yeah, I remember. Maybe the gnomes CAN help us." Stan agreed.

"Ok, that does it. What the hell are you guys talking about?" Millie interjected in her usual southern accented voice.

"Yeah!" Bebe and I said in unison.

"Well…when we were back in the 3rd grade we were supposed to do a report on whatever. Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and I were paired up with Tweek. We were fed coffee from Tweek's parents and we stayed up the whole night." Stan started, but looked to Kyle to finish. Kyle sighed and she continued.

"At exactly 3:30 a bunch of gnomes just came in, took Tweek's underwear, we went into a secret gnome place, I recall there were heavy, falling mine carts full of people's underwear, and the rest I really don't remember." Kyle finished while scratching her red curls. Kenny sighed while muttering something about death. What? A few people muttered things like 'I can't believe it' and 'are they crazy?'

"Wait…you saw real gnomes?" Kelley gasped. I could hardly believe the tale myself but since Stan and her friends (who always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time) were involved, it made any story more believable.

"Yeah, dude." Kenny responded.

"So your saying the ask the Underpants Gnomes for help first?" Craig asked with much sarcasm in her nasally voice.

"You know, since their gnomes, maybe they DO have magic." Kyle negotiated.

"I guess Kyle has a point…" Jenny trailed off with a little doubt in his voice.

"Let's see the gnomes today!" Kelley exclaimed while scratching his blond hair.

"Hey, do the so called Underpants Gnomes come every day?" Clyde asked.

"Ngh-Yeah! E-every day at exactly-AGH-3:30 to steal my underwear. And if I didn't have underwear, t-they would take my sh-shirts!" Tweek twitched at the thought of the gnomes and she started to claw at her fingers. The class started erupted in voices, but this time it didn't seem to stop.

"All in favor in asking the gnomes for help, say I." Kelley declared while raising her hand.

"I." Everyone except for Tweek said.

"What's wrong, dude?" Craig asked Tweek.

"Dude! The gnomes want my blood! Oh sweet Jesus…" Tweek practically shouted while she pulled out a long chunk of her golden hair.

"Calm down." Kevin advised Tweek.

"Tweek…all the gnomes want are your underwear…" Stan tried to explain.

"I guess if y-you all came-nggh-they couldn't eat me." Tweek tried to reason.

"Kewl. We'll sneak into your house at three A.M. They come at three thirty, right?" Cartman inquired. Tweek nodded.

"Keep your bedroom window open and a latter near it. Everyone meets at Tweek's house at 3 at night!" Stan hollered.

"What if burglars come -GAH- and they c-come in instead of -Agh- you guys?" Tweek almost screamed. Dude, Tweek, lay off the coffee from now on.

"That won't happen, Tweek." Token replied.

"OMG! I get to see real gnomes!" Kelley exclaimed randomly in pure delight.

"Do you think they are really going to help us?" A voice called.

"J-just…bring one pair of your underwear. I t-think that would be a fair-GAH-trade…" Tweek trailed off while clutching her now empty thermos.

"C'mon you guys! Do we all REALLY believe that UNDERPANTS gnomes are real?!" A voice from the sea of students shouted. He/she had a point…I guess.

"Fine, whatevah, if you don't want to go along with it that's kewl, so when you see were all our rightful selves at sckewl tomorrow, the gnomes would be gone and won't help you!" Cartman shouted while flapping an arm

"But-what if -uh- oh never mind." The voice quieted down.

"Ok, so if we all go to Tweek's room at 3:30, what is our plan for our disguises?" I piped up. I was getting a little frightful. My parents are very observant and will recognize a behavior change.

"Oh right!" Kenny snapped her fingers, and then she plastered a confused look on her face. Cartman scoffed.

"I've got a lot of answers already, Kinny." Cartman spoke. "We just need to find YOU a parka to cover your face and your parents will never know!" Kenny stayed silent for a while, as if she was still processing Cartman's words in her brain.

"Hey! That's a good idea! Thanks, tubby." Kenny replied.

"Ay! Don't call me tubby!" Cartman snapped while tugging on one of her short hairs in anger.

"Fine," Kenny scoffed, "What about the other people? You have any 'brilliant' ideas for them?"

"Like for Jimmy." Cartman articulated while walking toward she-Jimmy, "We could easily put a hat to cover her-ah smoother hair and switch-uh her clothes. Her-err-, his parents would never know."

"Y-yeah…thanks Er-Eric…tha-that should really h-help." Jimmy stuttered while reaching for her backpack and pulling out a plain white hat. She placed in snuggly on her head.

"What about for Kyle?" Bebe piped up while pointing to Kyle, who was more morphed than the average guy.

"Easy." Cartman stated while walking toward Kyle. She seemed to be getting rather uncomfortable with Cartman so close to her but stayed where she was.

First, Cartman pulled her on her pigtails roughly for her amusement, which resulted in a punch on one of her face bruises (which Stan had told me was the result of Tweek and Craig beating her up). Cartman ignored the bruise's throbbing and pushed her pigtails under her ushanka. She then pulled on Kyle's nose rather forcefully, which made it slightly longer and redder. "OW!" Kyle shouted while covering her nose. Cartman ignored her and tugged on her ears, which caused them to go redder than they already were.

"See? Look." She stated while putting a few magical gestures into it. I've hate to admit it but it Kyle looked…well more Kyle. But, her pigtails slid out from her hat while caused her to look like girl-Kyle again.

"Oh! Do me next!" Jenny piped up.

"We'll have to go to the wig store for your hair. You have a buzz-cut." Cartman snorted.

"Where's the wig store?" Clyde asked Cartman. She just shrugged.

"Wait. The wig shop is at the mall…right?" Bebe asked Cartman. She slowly shrugged in confusion.

"Yeah, it is Bebe." I responded.

"And the mall…is where everyone gets their clothes…so we'll go on a shopping trip to replace all the clothes." Bebe said slowly as if he was talking to foreigners.

"Right…good idea…" Token confirmed.

"Yeah." Clyde ultimately agreed.

"Clothes…shopping…EEEEK!" Bebe balled up her hands to turn them to fists and brought them toward his chest while jumping in delight. He sounded very, very weird screeching like a girl with a man voice.

"What?" Kyle questioned, with nose and ears as red as ever.

"SHOPPING TRIP! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Basically all the girl-boys screamed. I couldn't help but unleash a loud squeal of excitement from my mouth.

"Uh…Wendy…?" Stan asked with an eyebrow raised. I ignored her/his cries and continued screaming.

"Were going today?" Kenny asked with eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Duh! Then how are we going to get our replacement clothes. All of my clothes changed." Lola corrected while letting out another 'shopping trip' cry. I couldn't help but squeal. I love the mall! And my parents never take me!

"Were going today?" Kenny repeated, with worries I could now detect her voice. Many of the guys were whispering to each other in worry.

"Yeah! It's been decided! The 4th graders of Mr. Garrison's class will be officially going to the mall today!" Heidi squealed in excitement.

"We…are?" Craig choked out with both of her middle fingers surprisingly rested.

"Were…going to the mall…with these people?" Kevin gaped while pointing to the guy-girls who were now prancing up and down while screeching random cries of joy.

"The mall! Oh my god, my parents never take me there!" I shrieked.

"I know, right?" Annie cried out while jumping up and down. Stan was staring at me as if I had gone mad. I guess a guy squealing 'The mall!' while frolicking up and down would be quite a sight.

"Hey…let's buy new girl clothes for the guys to wear! Get your camera…its black-mail time!" Bebe half-whispered screamed into my ear.

"What?" I asked, even though I understood Bebe.

"Let's make the guys wear girl clothes." She repeated.

My eyes grew spacious and smile grew bigger. Imagine…Stan…in a snoopy T-shirt! Kenny…in an orange halter top! And best…Cartman…in a dress! The funny thing was that the clothes actually fit them. I didn't realize that I was half-whispering the things to myself (with Bebe listening to every word) and Stan was right next to me. I covered my mouth and Bebe started to giggle in a weird girly boy voice, and Stan's eyes grew wide and her hair stood out.

"Dude, first, not cool. What black-mail?" Stan questioned worriedly. Hm. I guess she had been standing there long enough to know what Bebe said about black-mail. I wasn't sure what she had in mind but since its BEBE…it's either really bad and annoying or super awesome.

"I suppose that you've never been to the mall?" Bebe questioned. Stan shook her head slowly in confusion.

"And I suppose none of the boys have been to the mall?" Bebe inquired. Once again, Stan shook her head, but this time mumbling 'no'. Bebe smiled.

"Well…did you know the South Park mall if nine times wider than Token Black's mansion? Did I mention it actually has _five _floors? Did you know if you haven't been to the mall already, you would most certainly get lost?" Bebe smiled again, playing innocent.

"Well, since you need the girls to navigate you guys to the mall…you'll have to do US a favor. Now, which of these four look best in a crop top?" Bebe asked me.

Stan (and Kyle, Kenny, and Craig…who have crept their way into our conversation) first looked at us suspiciously. Then put two and two together and their eyes bugged out. Kyle started to freak out.

"Oh…FUCK." Craig exclaimed, while Stan snapped her headband in half. I snickered.


	12. The mall is a horrible place

****Authors note: My second Butter's POV in here! Tried to make Butters more innocent and bubbly and Kenny more, well the opposite. I know the mall scenes were really unnecessary, but I just really wanted to do it. If you can spot the Fututrama reference, I'll try to post sooner. Sorry for not updating for so long! This chapter may seem kind of crappy, but deal with it.  
**

**Can anyone count the number of references there are too episodes in this?**

**Kenny's POV:**

"Ugh! It's so far! My feet hurt and I'm sweating." Clyde moaned. I tightened my jaw and crunched my teeth in anger.

"Well what do you think I'm feeling, chubby? I didn't have dinner last night and breakfast today!" I grouched through my scarf. Surprisingly, Clyde actually complains MORE than Cartman.

"You're so poor, Kinny!" Cartman let out a snort. It reminded me of a pig. I suddenly felt a warm glove placed onto my icy shoulder. It traced back to Kyle.

"Dude, are you alright?" Kyle inquired. I wanted to answer: _No, I'm as hungry as hell and my feet's blisters have blisters and my butt itches. How are you today, Kyle?_

"I'm fine." I replied. Damn. Force of habit, I guess.

"You don't look to good." Stan commented, looking at my bony cheeks and tired eyes. My bony cheeks come from the lack of food I get because my asshole brother keeps stealing ¾ of mine, and my tired eyes were from the anxiety of being gender swapped last night.

"I'm fine." I repeated. I let the talking from my class ring into my ears. How long does it take to get to the mall? I mean, I know I'm going to go through hell there with Bebe screaming _Oh *so and so* try this on! It's soo cute!_ But I would rather listen to Bebe's man-girl squeals than trudge through the snow, with my blood swooshing around in my shoes.

"How are we going to get the money to actually BUY all of this stuff?" I wondered out loud.

"Token's credit card will pay for everything." I heard Craig say from behind me. I could literally feel the air pressure change from my back and the bitter cold wind brushing against my cheap coat…Craig must've lifted his middle finger. Oh how I hate her...

"Oh my god! I can't wait!" I heard Bebe scream in excitement. Most of the girls are still chattering away about shopping, but some (thank god Cathy and Wendy ACTUALLY stopped. They were very loud) were silently trudging in the snow.

"How long have we been walking?" Clyde groaned. I face-palmed and Stan checked her watch.

"How long?" Clyde repeated while poking Stan on the shoulder. How can her older sister stand her?

"We've been walking for one minute and fourteen seconds." Stan stated monotonously. Clyde's cheeks flushed in mortification.

"So stop your whining, beeeeeeeyatch."

I walked in silence and let the girl's man-girl squeals fill up my head. I think I just realized something…some of these girls were as annoying as nails scratching a chalkboard.

...

My ass has once again lost all circulation.

"High-five, Kenny! We're going to the mall!" Beth, a particularly annoying girl that I didn't really have respect for to begin with, extended her hand into my face. I stared at the pale hand as if it were vomit. That had been left on some rocks. For six hours. In Phoenix, Arizona.

"High-five!" She ordered. I let her hanging. I wasn't really in the mood for stupidity and bullshit. When she stormed away, I mentally subtracted 500 respect points for her.

"Hi-five!" I heard her say to a bunch of other people.

"No." Craig.

"No." Clyde.

"No." Token.

"No, beeeeyatch." Cartman.

"You need a hi-five! In the face... With a chair." I heard Stan retort sarcastically-happily. I started to giggle.

"High-five, Wendy!"

Damn, Beth is as annoying as FUCK. I would rather listen to another mindless Cartman and Kyle argument than high-five Beth.

"Hey-hey! What are you kids doing?!" A voice demanded. I looked up to see a carrot-haired man with a full mustache and beard. He had angry eyebrows fixed permanently onto his face, as if that was the only expression he knew. He was fairly squat but fairly muscular, and could easily pummel the living crap out of someone with his attitude (he reminded me of Kyle).

He looked at all of us with his dark brown eyes but focused on the kid nearest to us, Tweek.

Were screwed…

"Aren't you kids supposed to be in school?" He asked, leaning toward Tweek in an almost threatening way. She started to palpitate more than usual, but this time I wouldn't blame her.

**Wendy's POV:**

Dad? Oh…no…so close yet so far.

**Kenny's POV:**

"Well?" He exclaimed. Tweek stayed silent but after a while he spoke up.

"O-our class is going on a nature walk. We were s-supposed –GAH- do a rocks and minerals project. We tried to –nggh- do groups but we f-found it easier to just d-do a class project."

I had to admit, that was a damn good lie. But it appears mister hothead didn't believe it.

"Why are you so nervous, boy? Is it because you lying to me?" Half-true, but he's frikin vibrating all the time "Never mind that…whatever…Okay, than, if your learning rocks and minerals then name one type of rock." He huffed while crossing his arms to his chest. Tweek twitched and blinked a couple of times. Uh oh. Well if I were in her position I guess I would draw a blank too. I don't even know one type of rock, honestly.

"Coal." Tweek put simply. Oh. Coal's a rock? Now I feel so stupid.

"Humph!" The man growled. I guess coal wouldn't cut the ticket. What is this guy's problem? I couldn't see any shopping bags or anything, so does he just go patrolling around the streets watching for kids?

"Quartzite pebbles!" Kyle piped up. Quart-what? Hmm…Guess I'll have to pay more attention in class from now on. The man didn't speak for a while. What the hell is this guy's problem? What does he have against us?

The class tried to move along (and the man kind of did) but when Stan calmly and nonchalantly walked by, he made her stop to a halt (which resulted in Kyle, Cartman, me, and basically everyone behind her to stop).

"Wendy? If I recall correctly you were learning about how the planets in science!" He boomed. Oh great, ANOTHER person who mistakes Stan as Wendy. And this time I think it was Wendy's dad.

Stan kind of freaked out and made the: I'm-going-to-PUKE face. Now I think Wendy's dad is a total over-protective bastard and is nosier than KYLE'S mom. And that is saying something.

Stan turned to Kyle, Cartman (surprisingly), Wendy, and I for support, but we all stood silent. I tried to look apologetic, but my face had went totally stiff.

She turned back, flushed red, and cleared her throat.

"We were learning the planets. But, um, we took the test today and Mr. Garrison started a new topic." Stan replied. I could see she had swallowed both her baby barf and dignity.

He didn't answer for a while. Good.

"Ok." He answered with a lot of suspicion in his voice.

Our class stared at him, waiting for the douche to do something, but he slowly walked off. I guess he decided that asking more questions would make things more awkward.

Our class was too scared to move for about ten minutes before Cartman broke the silence.

"Dude, Wendy, your dad and Kyle's mom should marry. They would make the ultimate bitch baby." Wendy's cheeks flushed red and Kyle's cheeks turned into a crimson color, but she had redness of anger.

"Is your dad a Jew? I mean, Jews are all bitches." Cartman asked Wendy.

"Don't you belittle my people, fat boy!"

"Shut up, you shifty Jew!"

"You fat-ass!"

"You all suck." Craig stated while giving everyone the double-bird.

"God, Cartman, you are such a fat piece of crap!"

"Stupid Jew!"

"Is this really necessary?" Red inquired.

"Trust me; this happens a lot more often than you think." I scoffed.

"Cartman, you're such a fat piece of shit that when you walk down the streets, people say 'boy, that is one fat piece of shit!'"

"First, I'm not fat; I'm big boned. Second, I'm not a Jew from Jersey, ginger!"

"GODDAMMIT, EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!" Stan shrieked. Cartman, Kyle, and all the girls stared at Stan. Looks like SOMEONE didn't get their daily shot of tequila today.

"Is your cynicism acting up again, Stan?" Butters asked supportively.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Cartman snapped. I didn't blame Stan for shouting, she was always stuck in the middle of Cartman and Kyle's arguments (that go nowhere). Usually I'm in hell (because I have fucking died) playing video games with Satan or Damien when they are fighting.

"Why don't we just go into the woods to go to the mall? That way no one could see us." Bebe pointed out, ignoring Stan, while pointing to a clearing of trees. I shrugged.

"Okay." Wendy responded, casually nudging her friends toward the woods.

Kevin and Esther slowly followed. I tagged along.

"Whatever." Half the class mumbled and everyone made a sprint to the woods, scared that Wendy's dad would turn around and ask questions again.

-AT THE MALL-

**Craig's POV:**

My first thoughts of the 'mystical mall' (As Powder called it)? My first thoughts: IT'S SO FRICKING BRIGHT AHHHHH!

Every part of the wall that didn't have posters or a display was a lamp or unnecessarily bright incandescent light that I thought were only found in a Wall-Mart.

Ok…so I haven't been to the South Park mall in a long time. But I have a good reason! Because 1, it's always my mom and my sister going to this blinding place and I have no respect for both of them, and 2, it's just…so…GIRLY.

The next time you go to the mall, count how many guys look happy shopping, and if you get more than two guys I'll consider shopping with mom. While I'm at it, I'll also dress as a baby vampire bunny and destroy an asteroid, a space delivery company, and Bender while juggling the Donovan/Harris family and diamonds with my eyes.

"Ok, so where do you guys shop?" Esther asked all the guy-girls. Many of us girl-guys exchanged nervous glances.

"Oh, don't tell me…" Millie trailed off while face-palming.

"Well what did you think beeeeyatch?" Cartman questioned with hands flapping like a bird. The girls didn't speak for a while.

"Ok. Well. I think JcPenney would be safe." Kal reasoned.

"Yeah. Safe." Stan agreed.

**A few moments later (Trying out third person-regular POV)-**

**...**

**TWO WORDS: MAKEOVER GLOMP  
**

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Stan (who was now in a blouse, girl jeans, and one ballet flat) screamed while literally sprinting down the white tiles. Kenny, who was only wearing a way oversized T-shirt that went to her knees and underwear (with face still covered), Kyle, who was wearing only wearing a white crop-top and jeans, and Cartman, who was stuffed in a long dress and was running in painfully tight high heels, close behind.

"Look! This one looks like your old coat, Kyle! Try it on! Try it on!" Bebe demanded while sprinting with an orange coat tight in her hands.

"These crop tops are so-o-o cute!" A man-girl shrieked.

"Tweek! Get over here!" Jenny scream-cooed while he had a pair of jeans tightly in his hand (they looked _nothing _like Tweek's old jeans). Tweek was hiding behind a mannequin, trying desperately to blend in with the lifeless pieces whatever mannequins were made of.

"No! NO!" Token shouted while Nichole was quickly shoving on a shirt onto her.

"This…is…MADNESS!" Craig barked while running away from Heidi, who was chasing after her with a tube top in her hands.

"No…THIS IS SPARTA!" Red screamed (who was only a few seconds ago was a polite, nice guy-girl). Red quickly and clumsily air-attacked Butters in an attempt to slip her in a 'super cute' halter top. Instead, both of them lay on the floor, unconscious.

"Wasn't it, like, just a few minutes ago the girls were civilized?!" Clyde panted to Token.

"Shut up and run!" Token shouted while pointing to a sprinting Jenny and Nichole.

You may be wondering how the 4th graders can have this madness going on at JcPenney. Or not. Whatever. Someone would've noticed, right? Nope. Due to laws and the laziness of the mayor, the stores in the South Park mall have to open at 11. Right now it's approximately 9:30. And we all have a front row seat to watch the guy-girls succumb to the madness of the South Park mall.

"OMG! KYLE! KYLE! THIS SHIRT REALLY BRINGS OUT THE GREEN IN YOUR EYES!" Bebe yelled while holding up a jade blouse.

"OMG! Kyle! Kyle! This shirt really brings out the green in your eyes!" Stan mocked while running from Molly. Kyle glared at Stan. Stan started to snicker at her fuming super-best-friend. Kyle attempted to hit her, but since they were running the only thing Kyle could do was flip Stan off.

"That's my move!" An agitated yet monotonous voice yelled from across the room. Craig.

"OMG! STAN! STAN! THIS SHIRT REALLY BRINGS OUT THE BLUE IN YOUR EYES!" Wendy shrieked while holding up a sapphire halter top. It was Kyle's turn to mock Stan.

"Girl fags." Cartman quietly sneered.

"Ok. Stop. STOP!" Annie yelled while standing on the top of a fallen mannequin. Everyone stopped immediately, due to the shock of Annie's voice shaking the ground. Kevin used this sudden pause to scream and run away from Esther.

"What?" Wendy questioned who had now paused trying to stuff Stan into a halter-top. Stan managed to struggle free from both Red and Wendy, who had restrained her movement before.

"This is getting us nowhere! What we first need is ORDER!" Her voice shook.

Many murmurs were produced from the bunch of 4th graders. Some shouts, and a very distinctive "Jesus tap-dancing Christ!" (from a certain spaz we all know and love) were heard.

"We need to first be serious! We can later torture the boys later! What we first need is to get all the regular clothes! And to the people who are switching, you have to get whoever you're switching with clothes! JcPenney will officially open at 11 so that gives us about" Annie checked his watch "An hour and thirty minutes." Many of the kids gasped.

"Annie's right. We should torture the guys later." Nelly agreed while letting go of the blouse she was originally trying to have Clyde struggle into.

"Yea-wait, what?" A voice exclaimed.

**TiMe wArP (Butter's POV)**

"Ok…all of our shopping's done." Bebe sighed, exhausted.

"Let's put them into crop-tops!" A man-girl squealed.

"No, no, no. We'll just have to wait for another day. We have a lot of stuff to do."

"So we're just going to steal the clothes?" Craig asked blankly.

"No. We're going to wait until 11, have one of us come out, buy ALL the clothes, and we'll run. The store clerk wouldn't be suspicious if only one person bought the clothes." Wendy stated while staring at the clock. I stared too…Two more minutes to go…

"So who's going to buy the clothes?" Nelly asked while putting her hands out by her side.

"It has to be a guy. Since they look like girls." Wendy answered. The guys exchanged nervous glances. I looked around the room too.

"Oh! I got an idea! Let's play punchies for it!" Kenny exclaimed while socking both Craig and Cartman in the arm. It responded in Craig and Cartman as a tag team with fists connecting with Kenny's skull.

"Ow! What's up your ass?!" Kenny exclaimed while kneading her head.

"Jesus Christ." Stan muttered.

"I volunteer Butters to do it!" I heard Cartman blurt out.

"I second the motion!" Kyle agreed. My eyes widened and yanked on one of my pigtails nervously and I bit my bottom lip. Oh god, please have mercy.

"Who would be kewl and carry the motion?" Cartman asked. I saw nearly everyone raise their hand.

"W-what?" I asked nervously. These people can't be mean!

_SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!_

"What was that?" Stan asked plainly. Kyle smacked her in the arm.

"Dude! Those are the mall gates!" Kyle hissed.

Stan's eyes widened and he made a run for the fitting rooms. Kyle tagged along.

"Did you hear that?" A very faint voice asked.

"That's a mall employee!" Annie screamed while pulling his curly blond hair. Bebe instantly smacked his hand onto Annie's mouth to muffle his screams. Red motioned everyone to the fitting room (where Kyle and Stan had already run into) and ran into the room herself. I tagged along behind the shoving crowd of people and crammed myself into the big stall (where everyone else was flowing into.)

"Dude!" Kyle shouted at everyone while making a 'personal bubble' motion with her hands (but the only thing that she did was shove Token and Powder onto the ground).

"Shhhhh!" Half the class shooshed (with them actually being louder than Kyle) and some people crawled into other stalls. I started to rub my knuckles together. I'm not sure what to do!

I heard a lot of people discussing what to do next, but they were hushed by Kyle.

"So what's our next step?" A voice piped up from the other stall.

"Buy the clothes!" I heard Bradly say quietly.

"No, no, no! We have to wait more than a few minutes so it wouldn't look suspicious!" Millie reasoned.

"True. So who's going to buy the clothes?" Jenny inquired.

"It has to be a guy. Since they look like girls, it would be less suspicious if they bought all these clothes." Nichole responded quietly while holding up the Clyde duplicate clothes. A lot of whispers were exchanged among the boys and girls.

"Who wants to volunteer?" Esther asked while holding his hands in the air so more people could notice him. Many people exchanged glances, and a few people shrugged.

"We already decided it would be Butters!" A voice chirped happily. I only cringed. A lot more collaboration.

"Aw, c'mon, don't do that to her!" Lola defended. I beamed happily. See? These people ARE nice!

"Why don't you do it, Clyde?" Craig asked while slapping Clyde on the back.

"No, you do it!" Clyde hissed while pulling Craig's black-brown hair.

The two stalls quickly got into a whisper argument on who would purchase the clothes. I sat silently, waiting for the whole thing to blow over. At least they dropped the topic about me.

"Let's give the person a reward. Like…uh…if Clyde does it she gets a taco!" Wendy reasoned quite loudly. The sudden loud voice shocked me a little but it was a good idea. A lot of the guys were now thinking.

"I'll do it if one of the girls shows me their titties!" Kenny blurted out with a mischievous grin on her face. Hmm? What does 'titties' mean?

"That's gross, Kinny!" Cartman stated while snorting. Kenny started to laugh.

"And now it's just weird since you're a girl yourself now." Craig said monotonously lifting her third finger toward Kenny? Hmm? What did that motion mean?

"You're sick." Red snapped while snapping her fingers.

"And now you're a girl, so it's just creepy." Bebe agreed with an appalled look broadcasted onto her face.

"So I could play with my boobs when I get home. Cool." Kenny responded while shrugging.

"AHEM! Moving on!" Nelly announced while flushed red. Kenny smiled through her scarf. I have officially decided that Kenny was as confusing as heck. Heck I tell you!

"So who wants to do it?" Cathy asked while burying his head into his knees and letting his messy blondish-brown hair drape over his shoulders.

"This is taking longer to decide than I thought." Heidi murmured to Lola.

"Butters is doing it, you guys." Cartman snorted while lifting up my hand. I jerked it away, but I felt wrong doing it. That was kind of mean of me. I started to mash my knuckles and take quick, edgy glances at Cartman to make sure that she wasn't going to hit me.

"C'mon, Butters. It's really easy. All you have to do is put on the clothes onto the counter, have the lady check everything out, and then slide Token's credit card." Kal started to speak, but stopped quickly to draw out his hand toward Token. Token stared at the hand for a second, but just as quickly she handed over her credit card, "in the slot. Then you take the clothes outside and wait." I nodded, but I only understood half of what she had explained.

"How l-long has it been? It c-c-can't look sus-suspicious." Jimmy stuttered.

Kyle grabbed Stan's arm and checked her watch. "It's only been roughly fifteen minutes."

"Timmeh! Timmeh, Timmy Timmeh, Timmeh…Tim Timmy Timmeh Tim." Timmy explained.

"T-Timmy is say-saying that we should wait th-thirty m-more minutes."

"What are we going to do for thirty minutes?" Lola asked.

"Shh!" Wendy shooshed from the other stall while peaking from the little space between the stalls.

"What, ho?" Cartman scoffed. Ho? Like in Santa Claus's ho ho ho?

"Listen!"

I put my ear against the stall door.

"Didn't you hear voices Carissa, dear? I swear I did." A sharp, squeaky voice declared. It was only of those voices which were really flat but had that annoying edge taped to the back.

"I think I heard some children. But who would come so soon?" A warm and 'happy' voice answered. I believe it was one of those voices that no matter what state you were in, you would sound cheerful.

"I think they were arguing about who were to buy clothes." The squeaky voice said.

"Uhp, but there now gone; I can't hear them anymore." The happy voice stated.

I tilted my head to the side so my head didn't touch the stall doors. I started to rub my knuckles.

All of us stayed in perfect stillness and silence for a full fifteen minutes, to afraid to move.

"I don't think we can hide here anymore. Butters, you're just going to have to go now. Here are the clothes." Bebe stated while handing me big piles of clothes.

"But it'll look suspicious, Bebe." Kyle replied while putting a hand on his/her shoulder.

"I know, but we'll just have to take our chances. We can't hide here anymore. We have to discuss how to act differently and people who are switching have to learn how everyone acts." Bebe responded.

"Yeah, Bebe's right." Jenny and Lola agreed while nodding.

Red got up very quickly and opened the mall door. Then he motioned me to the door. I stood there, frozen in my place. My blond hair stuck out and the clothes in my hand dropped.

"Go!" Kenny hissed while poking me on the back. I didn't move.

"C'mon, Butters, don't be a pussy like Stan." Cartman retorted while slightly nudging me. I heard Stan kick Cartman.

"Ow! You kicked me square in the frikin' girl balls!" Cartman screamed while jumping around like a mad man. Kyle slapped her hand onto Cartman's big mouth to muffle her screams.

"Now," I heard a faint, flat voice, "I definitely heard someone. I think he or she was in the fitting rooms. I'll go and check." I then heard footsteps getting louder.

"Butters! GO!" Stan exclaimed while shoving me out the door, and, just as quickly, she fastened the door lock and crept back inside.

I started to pound on the door in desperation, but no one open the door.

"Just go as the plan said!" Esther responded while kicking me through the small space through the door. These people are big meanies!

Just then, I felt a small tap on my shoulder. I nearly dropped the clothes in my hands. Shaking, my head creaked behind me to see who was behind me.

A fairly short woman stood before me (I think she was the equal height of Craig. So she was about 4'8) and she had choppy red hair that only went to her shoulders. She was one of those people who had that thinning hair at the tips of the strands, so the hair that touched her shoulders was barely visible. She had sharp brown eyes and very dramatic black mascara. What kind of scared me was her bright pink lipstick and pointy black shoes (like a witch!) that almost looked at me threateningly.

"Excuse me, miss, but were you causing that ruckus?" The short lady asked with a short yet kind tone.

"Errgh…Ahem…um…yeah, I did?" I responded nervously. My voice cracked.

"Would you like to purchase those clothes?" She inquired while pointing a sharp fingernail toward the ton of clothes I was holding. She then placed a big grin on her face, and the grin looked bigger than it actually was due to all that pink lipstick. My eye twitched and my mind was screaming for the correct response to her question.

"Uh, yeah…here's my credit card." I replied quickly and panicky. That was good enough.

**Token's POV:**

Remind me to shoot Butters in the leg when she's done buying the clothes.

**Butter's POV:  
**The woman stared at me very awkwardly, took the credit card and pile of clothes, and motioned me to come with her. After a while of walking, we ended up at her desk, where she scanned the clothes.

As she was scanning Heidi's duplicate clothes, I saw a clothes hanger drop at my feet. I turned around to spot half of the class with their heads staring at me through the fitting room door, and the other half in various places throughout the store. I couldn't make out the thrower, though.

My class moves very fast.

"Do you have a coupon with you?" I turned back around to see the lady who sounded nice but looked dead serious. The squeaky voice was more obvious that ever.

"Uhhhhhhh…am I supposed to have one?" I squealed. I saw another clothes hanger, but it didn't drop to my feet, it was hurled into my legs. I felt the places where the hanger hit throb. Luckily, the woman didn't notice.

"Um, no dear." She stuttered and then continued to mark Bebe clothes. I squeaked in fear.

Another thing, this time a large green clothes hanger, was hurled to the back of my legs (at the angle where the lady couldn't see it). That person throwing the hangers must have a pretty good aim.

I took a deep breath and focused on breathing. I tried to calm down, but there was an overwhelming feeling inside of me. You know how when you shake a soda it gets all fizzy and when you open the can it explodes? I felt like that, worries were trying to burst out of me.

I stared at the lady, who was currently checking out Cartman's clothes. After a minute, she noticed me staring and stopped what she was doing to stare back awkwardly.

Another clothes hanger was launched into my leg.

I quickly glanced behind me to see Stan holding a green clothes hanger like a gun and Kenny holding a regular hanger like a ninja star. Everyone else behind them just looked mad. Was I doing something wrong?

"You sure have a lot of clothes, sweetie." The lady suddenly stated.

"Um…well…it's nothing…uh…ma-ma'am." I stammered over my tongue, which seemed to flop uselessly in my tongue. I cringed just in case a hanger was going to be chucked at my legs, but I guess everyone thought I did the right thing.

She started to check out Nichole's clothes.

Then she started on Timmy's.

I stood very still, due to my sore legs. I extended my arm very slowly to aid my leg. I felt it throb. I made a mental sick face and started to mash my knuckles.

"Would you like these in one bag?" The woman asked. I gulped. What was I supposed to say?!

"Uh…um…" I started to trail off, but something was tossed into my knee. I think it was a high-heeled shoe this time. The woman gave me a suspicious look, but then continued to check out Powder's new clothes.

I took this time to turn around. I spotted a plain black high-heeled shoe lying on the floor. I also spotted Kenny, who was holding another duplicate of the shoe like a ninja-star with a mad expression.

I picked up the shoe to find that there was some writing on the bottom.

'**Yes, you want a fucking bag to fucking go with it! If the lady gets fucking doubtful again, Craig and fucking Tweek will personally fucking beat the fucking crap out of you.'**

The scraggly handwriting was difficult to read for a second.

I gulped. I felt tears prickle in my eyes as I turned to Kenny (who was looking half-angry and half sorry), Craig and Tweek (who were just hiding. I guess they didn't know about the note) and Cartman, who had a permanent marker in his hand and was scribbling something down on the duplicate shoe.

I turned back around and swallowed my pride (the little pride I had) and squeaked out:

"Um…I would like…uh…a bag."

She cocked her head to the side and continued to check out Kevin's clothes.

I felt another shoe land by my feet (instead of being hurled into my leg). I picked it up and read the bottom:

'**Good job! When you are done, meet us outside the store. We have to go over some things.**

**-BeBe, **_**Wendy, **_**red**

This note was a lot nicer than Cartman's air-mail. I mentally smiled. But my joy was cut short when another clothes hanger dropped to my feet.

'**You're gay.'**

I looked around to see the culprit. I saw Cartman snickering and whispering stuff to Stan, who was just wearing a blank face.

"Here you go ma'am." The lady stated suddenly, causing me to slightly jump. I wasn't used to being called ma'am just yet. She had extended four giant shopping bags to me. I hesitated, but I took it.

All the 4th graders had seen me take the clothes, but they weren't going outside. I opened the doors slowly, hoping that they would soon follow me, but they just stayed in their hiding spots.

**Kyle's POV:**

I gave Stan the signal. Due to where Stan was sitting, she couldn't see Butters. I peeked through the clothes and made sure the lady wasn't looking at anybody.

I turned to face Kenny and Stan and I nodded. They nodded back. I made sure all the other 4th graders could see us, and they all gave a thumbs up and a quick nod. Kenny placed her scarf around Stan's face and Craig gave Stan her coat. Kenny pushed Stan to get up, and then Kenny covered her face with her hands to make up for the scarf. I can't believe were going through with this.

"Go!" I hissed. Stan got up and went up to the lady.

"Why hello, can I help you?"

"This is a stickup! Give me your most valuable possessions!" Stan shouted while making fake guns with her hands. The woman backed away a little, and was looking at her like she had gone made. And in a way, Stan had.

I looked toward Token, who also nodded. Clyde gave Token her hat and jacket. Token got up and ran next to Stan. She too made fake guns with her hands.

"Pew, pew! Pew, pew!" Token shouted while pretending to shoot her gun.

Half the girls took this time to sneak out the door, undiscovered.

"Stop it, you two! Aren't you supposed to be in school?!" She screamed while some other mall employees had come running to her aide. Oh, so NOW she cares about school? Just because we aren't buying anything NOW she cares?

Kevin and Esther snuck out.

"Give me all your money!" Stan shouted while giggling, but was trying to look serious. I saw Kenny hurl a shoe into Stan's leg. After the whole ninja star incident with Kenny, he/she had gotten a pretty damn good aim.

Tweek, Craig, Clyde, Cartman, and I took this time to sneak out.

"Roger! Roger! Get these two OUT!" The short woman yelped.

"Pew pew!" Stan and Token pretended to shoot their guns.

Wendy and Powder snuck out.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Token screamed while eyeing the rest of the 4th graders. Kenny, followed by everyone else (except for Lola) sprinted out the store and into the streets. Lola was the only one who knew how to 'throw her voice' (which meant that she could scream and make it sound like it came for the other side to the building).

I saw Kevin wait a few seconds before giving Lola the signal.

"Oh my god! My arm! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lola shrieked while sprinting out the door.

"Oh my goodness! What is happening, today?" An employee exclaimed while rushing to the other side of the store. All of the other employees followed.

Stan and Token tiptoed out, without being discovered…

**Stan's POV:**

Well, that was fun. Extremely unnecessary (we could've EAISLY used the back doors, but no), it was terribly pointless, but fun.

I rushed outside to meet everyone there, waiting.

"So what's next?" I asked, panting.

"Okay, let's see, we have had a group discussion, we have bought our clothes, next is to dress up as our regular selves again." Kyle answered while rummaging through the shopping bags, looking for her clothes.

"Good job, Butters. Even though you could've totally screwed us over due to your stupidity, we actually got away with it." I said while patting Butters on the back.

**-TiMe wArP (Still Stan's POV) -**

"I am not wearing that." I stated while pointing to the yellow skirt.

"If you're going to dress as Wendy, you are going to have to wear the dress." Lola responded while crossing her arms.

"If you don't then the haircut was total worthless." Craig pointed out while holding four inches of my *sniff* wavy black hair. God, I sound like a girl, and even though the long hair was a giant pain in the ass, it kind of grew on me.

"C'mon, Stan!" Kenny exclaimed into my ear (with muffled speech as obvious as ever due to the parka). I slugged her in the shoulder.

"Wendy wore your clothes! Now it's your turn!" Bebe shouted while extending the demeaning yellow skirt, the revolting purple jacket, stupid pink beanie, and mortifying blue gloves. Sure, these clothes looked good on Wendy, but this situation is just degrading.

"Please Stan?" Wendy asked with puppy-dog eyes (which would usually make me melt but now it is just creepy because she is now a he).

"Fine!" I spat while taking the clothes and marching into Craig's bathroom.

"Remind me again why I let you all into my house?" Craig stated dully.

**Kenny's POV:**

All I could think about was death.

I remember last week, I looked up the word death in the dictionary at school.

1. _Death_

The act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.

And I wrote: "Yeah, right," With a marker on the page.

Or something like that.

I think there were also a few cuss words too.

I remember I was watching TV (while my parents and my retarded brother throwing beer and screaming in the background).

"_What do you want to watch Kenny?" Karen asked me. I shrugged. I always let her choose the channel and sit through a program of SpongeBob._

_Or a TV show like that. _

_Instead, she switched it onto Jesus and Pals._

_Or something like that._

_I stared at the screen and watched as the audience members ask stupid questions to Jesus._

"_What is your favorite color?"_

"_How is heaven?"_

"_How do you get that magnificent hair?"_

_When something caught my eye…_

"_How many times have you been revived?" An audience member exclaimed._

"_I've been revived three times, my child." Jesus replied (with two deaths because of South Park)._

"_Wow that's a lot!" Several people stated._

"_Bitch, please!" I shouted at the TV screen. I instantly remember Karen by my side._

"_I won't say it Kenny." She replied without even taking a look at me. Somehow, she always knew what I would say through my parka._

"_Good."_

How could I prove to my idiotic friends about my deaths?  
Ok, usually I really don't give a shit when my friends don't remember me dying. Why I care now? Oh, because I was hit by a truck, (Stan's uncle's truck). And I died. Yesterday. Plus, whenever Stan and Kyle mention an adventure we had, they instantly FORGET THE ENDING WHEN I DIED…GOD!

I've noticed my revisions are getting shorter.

I at least made it into heaven this time! But I was shot out of a canon into hell. Don't ask.

Sometimes I think they remember perfectly…they just want to piss me off. And if that's true, their doing a damn good job at it.

It's like as if my friends are permanently drunk. I mean, drunken people don't remember anything and will deny that they remember anything, just like Kyle and Stan.

But I think Cartman remembers. He's mentioned it before but now he just is as big of an idiot as Stan and Kyle.

Maybe if I killed myself right now, I would wake up as a boy.

What if that was true?

But if I did, everyone would ask how I did it, and I would say 'death', and they wouldn't remember, then Cartman would probably kill me and I'll wake up as a dude.

Or something like that.

Everyone I know acts like their drunk.

Nah, scratch that, anyone who lives in South Park is permanently drunk…

Really, really drunk. Or high.

Just like Stan when he only had a cup of whiskey. Really, really, really drunk.

Don't get me wrong, I have had a few drinks from time to time, but I don't get as drunk as shit from one cup like her. Speaking of the Darsh, I wasn't surprised when Stan went alcoholic. I mean, her dad and uncle have the title of being the number one…I mean number two best drinkers in town. Of course my mom and dad are first.

Wait…

If Stan gets drunk…would he remember me dying?

Okay, that was a really stupid idea.

Or is it?

I mean, this is South Park. Seriously. Anything that happens here is the opposite of normal.

Next plan in mental 'To-do' list:

1.) Get my mom and dad to kill Kevin.

2.) Get a lifetime supply of Playboy.

3.) Somehow stop reviving.

4.) Raise Karen.

5.) Get Stan and possibly Kyle drunk and kill myself.

It's just crazy enough to work.


	13. How are the kids doing?

****Author's note: I like how this chapter turned out. I really like how Cartman's POV turned out, how his sensitivity to both his mom being a whore and Mr. Kitty really shows. Tried to hide Harry Potter and the Hunger Games (Parry Hotter and Hungry Game) **

**Wendy's POV:**

There are many things that I don't believe.

I don't believe Kyle's mom is as bad as she sounds, I don't believe Bebe is actually THAT obsessed with shoes, and I don't believe Cartman has any morality.

And I can't believe I'm in my boyfriend's house.

I'm pretending to be him/her.

Just like she/he is pretending to be me right back at my house.

"Just remember your training." I whispered to myself.

A big wave of shame hit me again…fucking god how could the evil eyed jinx cause ALL of this?! If only I didn't call Bebe over. If only I hadn't provided the candy for Bebe and me to go hyper with crazy ideas. If only I had taken back that stupid sentence.

This curse has been consuming me with jaw-dropping terror for the past twenty-four hours.

No matter how hard I try, the shitty thought somehow comes into my mind. If I start thinking about something, it somehow connects to the jinx. Anything can connect with anything.

Like for example, if I tried to calm myself by thinking about-say, I don't know-ponies, it somehow connects to the jinx. Like ponies remind me of grassy fields, and grassy fields remind me of grass, grass reminds me of the color green, green reminds me of color, color reminds me of pink, and pink reminds me of me, and then me reminds me of the fucking jinx! ARGH (sudden Tweek moment)!

I can't escape! Anything links to some concept or word!

Candy-lollipops-Green Apple Lollipop-green-evil-JINX!

Fall– leaves– trees – Jenny's eco friendly report – Bebe – gender confusion – JINX!

Mom – dad – angry – this morning – JINX!

All evil in this world – JINX!

I took a deep breath and took out the crumpled sticky-note from my pocket. I fell stiff as a bored while reopening the note. I tried to consume my guilt with a distraction.

Stan even gave me a list to help me remember. Some were really weird rules.

**STAN'S BASIC LIFE LIST (for Wendy):**

**One: Never drink and drive.**

What?

**Two: Pretend to use asthma inhaler. I made a fake one and it's on the desk.**

Stan has asthma? I looked to the desk and I did indeed see a pretty convincing milk-carton inhaler. Okay, never mind that. Next rule.

**Three: Don't listen to my dad. PLEASE. You may have a risk of either too much stupid or too much sarcasm rub off on you.**

Why? I've heard her/his dad is pretty stupid AND the inventor of Sarcastaball, but it can't be that bad. Right? Well, whatever.

**Four: DO NOT PISS OF SHELLY MARSH. I REPEAT, DO NOT FUCK WITH SHELLY MARSH.**

Shelly Marsh? Is she Stan's older sister? Younger, possibly?

**Five: If parent's wonder if you're a little distant, just say an excuse that has to do with you or Kyle.**

Aww…he told his parents about me! I'll probably do Kyle, nonetheless.

**Six: Don't take off the poof-ball hat.**

But I love Stan's black hair! Well, I guess it would be weird if Stan didn't wear his hat.

**Seven: If Tom Cruise, woodland Christmas critters, PETA, Al Gore, Goth kids, whale wars crew, a kid from the peewee hockey team, Towelie, Sarcastaball sports people, Cartman, or anyone from Orange County come knocking on the door or calling, IGNORE.**

What? I've heard that Stan and his/her pals are usually the cause of 95% of whatever happens in South Park, but this is just ridiculous.

**Eight: Basic stuff: Bedtime is at 9:00, always take a shower before Shelly Marsh, feed Sparky something every time you tap the wall three times, make sure grandpa isn't buying crappy jewelry, and alarm clock goes off at 7:15 every morning.**

I have memorized every detail of Stan's house, I have memorized their family history and personalities, and I've memorized everything that has happened in this house, yet I am nervous as hell. What if I get caught by being too different? What if I get caught for the evil eyed jinx? Another pang of guilt hit my chest. I need to tell someone.

Being like Stan (or anyone else) is like taking a test. Before it, you're as paranoid as hell, during it you think 'this isn't so bad!' and when you get it back you don't do as well as you thought you did.

Being like Stan was like taking a test, except you are paranoid all the time. I lied about the other two phases.

I looked toward the phone, which was now ringing excessively. I groaned and made my way to the phone to pick it up.

"Kid 3, could you please meet me at ManBearPig headquarters, I think ManBearPig is in the area. I'm super cereal." A voice said through the end of the phone.

Dafuq? Weird things #392 of today…check.

**Cartman's POV:**

I love having my mom as a pushover.

"Don't-come-in-mom!" I recited while printing the large letters on a piece of cardboard. I gazed proudly at my work and started to color the letters with my fat purple marker. I reached for my black and started to draw out a messy warning symbol. After a few minutes of coloring, I capped my marker, and threw it against my bed.

I stood up, placed the thing against the door, and framed the whole thing with duct tape. The loud sticky sound of duct tape quickly filled the house.

"Hehe, no one can come into my room. The only time someone's opening this door is now and when I sneak out to the underpants gnomes." I muttered to myself.

I opened the door quietly, making sure not to disturb mom while she was taking a nap (She said she was taking a nap. I don't like thinking about what she is really doing), and slipped inside.

"Meow."

"No, Mr. Kitty, it's my room!" I whined. That stupid cat.

Mr. Kitty's big black eyes gazed at me. That cat gazed into my fucking soul.

Bad Mr. Kitty! That's a bad Mr. Kitty!

"Bad Mr. Kitty…I guess you can come in too. If you don't tell anyone…" I whispered while scooping up Mr. Kitty and stroking the grey fur. I slipped into my room, with the stupid feline in my arms.

Stupid cat, but lovable all the same.

"Mew."

**Stan's POV:**

I had everything. This couldn't fail!

I plopped my head down into the bed, letting my face cushion into the soft blankets. This underlying feeling in my gut won't go away! YAGGGGGGGGH, this is way too much pressure! Oops, sudden Tweek moment.

I groaned and face planted into the mattress again.

I glanced at the clock: 4:59. Wendy told me I had to go to the dinner table at 5:00 sharp.

I ignored that rule. All I wanted to do is sleep and never wake up. This whole thing just seems shitty now.

Shitty, shitty, shitty…

I looked around the room. Pink, pink, pink…shitty pink…

Wendy is way too into pink.

I don't know what this emotion is. It's that pain in your gut feeling…but it wasn't a sharp one…it was this guilty dull pain that fed off your insanity. I felt tired, yet to awake to blink. My mind was stirring up new insane ideas a mile a minute, but my body was physically worn out.

I mindlessly strolled around the room, looking for someone without realizing it. I ended up staring at Wendy's humongous bulletin. My eyelids drooped but I didn't feel tired.

On the bulletin board, clutters of papers, photos, and pins had filled up each square inch. The wood bored was framed by a bunch of tape and pages from what looked like both Parry Hotter and Hungry Game (all of the book pages had highlighter spattered all over them, outlining 'quotes').

I unconsciously pulled a grubby finger onto the photo of me (looking blank into the camera), which had red marker hearts tracing over my face thousands of times. I also got a peak at the Elementary School Musical photo of Wendy dancing. I kept involuntarily pointing or gazing at each picture with peculiar interest. I saw papers with A+ on them. I saw photos of Red, Bebe, and Jenny. I even saw some art projects that were done in the 2nd grade. It reminded me of where my art projects were (Long gone into the trash, never to be seen again).

I always thought Wendy would be the type of person to have the cleanest room on the planet, but instead I saw muddles of clothes, homework, failed art projects, and soda bottles.

Did I just say muddles?

SLAM!

I snapped my head toward the door to see a fuming carrot-headed man, tapping his foot like a woman. The dull pain in my gut had vanished, but it was replaced with a more horrible feeling.

Fear.

"What?" I stated. I had already switched my old voice into a high pitched replica of Wendy's.

"Dinner!" He shouted. I looked toward the clock. 5:01 and 3 seconds.

I grumbled a few words that I couldn't understand myself and strolled past him.

I made my way down the stairs, careful that I wouldn't make a mistake with Mister Hothead right behind me. I had already memorized every inch of Wendy's house…what could go wrong?

I already had the answer to that.

ANYTHING could go wrong.

**Craig's POV:**

I officially hate Ruby Tucker.

That little brat. How the fuck could she have figured it out? HOW?! Even if she only half concluded her theory, how could she have done it?

I even wore my stupid brown-blank hair in a bun, cleverly hidden beneath my hat, so how could she have even half figured it out? She also made me wonder…do I really have boobs (don't tell McCormick I said that).  
_I groaned and dropped my head onto the couch. After an annoying ass day, I usually called Clyde over. But that wasn't possible. Or I would feed Stripe._

_Already did that twice._

_I felt a sharp tap on my back. I erased my breath and my eyes deflated._

"_What do you want?" I quietly snapped while giving whoever touched me the bird._

"_I want to know why you have longer hair and boobs." A bratty, flat voice replied. My eyes widened and I choked on my own breath. My head instinctively snapped back, causing my neck to have a sharp pain. I got up from my semi-laying down position to face the strawberry blond brat._

"_WHAT?" I repeated, only louder._

"_I want to know what's with your hair and your boobs." I sneered at the asshole in front of me. She gave me the double bird. Of course, I returned the favor._

_Boobs? Did I even have some?_

"_What?" I repeated again._

"_Have you gone frikin deaf?" Ruby exclaimed while stamping her little foot towards me. Ha, acting so tough yet she can't say fuck yet._

"_Yup." I answered, trying to keep my famous poker face._

"_You think I'm stupid? It's obvious you have a wig and it's in a bun, hidden beneath your smelly hat!" She shouted again. So she thought it was a wig. Good for her._

"_Yup."_

"_And you stuffed your shirt!"_

"_What?"_

"_Are you going fucking deaf?" I was semi-surprised at the 6 year old potty mouth, but whatever._

"_Now Ruby, the F word is only used on our dad." I sarcastically lectured._

"_AHHH!"_

"_Brat." I muttered._

"_I heard that!"_

"_Here is a song: I don't ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-care, brat, I don't give a crap." I half sung and half kept my boring voice. Wait…did I just sing?_

"_AHHHHH!"_

Yet, here I am, with dad yelling in my face.

Drunk as HELL.

"SO YOU-YOU…YOU THINK…YOU HAVE THE R-RIGHT TO-TUH…" My dad started to riot again. My eyelids drooped half down and a scowl formed on my face. The alcohol in his breath was nauseating. I managed to peak at my sister, who was looking nervous.

I had the instinct to protect her, but I ignore it.

"…You-YOU-he he-have to be more SOCIAL BOY!" He boomed. Really? Let's compare, shall we? I have my own group of Tweek, Clyde, and Token and his only friend is Kenny's dad. DRIKING BUDDIES.

"You are drunk, dad." Ruby aimlessly pointed out while tugging on my arm (doing some weird motion of trying to hide behind me as she tried to stay in front of me). Somehow, my dad respects Ruby more than me. I could detect fear in her voice, and I'm pretty sure you could detect the alarm in mine if you were listening closely.

"You-you should b-be more like RUBY! She gets g-good –hic- grades!" It isn't my fault Mr. Garrison's last test was on Mr. Slave's childhood! Dad's arm shot toward me. At first I thought it was a fist, but it was just a hand to pat Ruby on the head. Ruby cringed and my arm slapped in front of her, as if it were going to protect her.

"Could you tell me about your childhood, daddy?" Ruby asked in her fake singsong voice. I could see her bottom lip quiver. After all, dad DID have a bottle in his hand.

"Sure-sure honey!"

Somehow, my dad was able to comprehend what Ruby says and not what I say. Ruby sat on dad's lap. I could see her fake smile twitch in either fear or pain. She still didn't let go of my arm,

"Go to your r-room, Craig!" Dad screamed and started to have a tantrum like a toddler. I was more than happy to. Ruby's neck snapped toward me.

"You owe me for this." She hissed. I thought it would sound more like a snake, but you could still detect worry in her voice. I slowly nudged her to stop grabbing onto my sleeve.

My hate for Ruby Tucker has now partially lifted.

It's how the Tucker siblings work. We argue and fight each other, but when something goes terribly wrong, we are there for each other. I don't know if it's because of love or symbioses, but I am not correcting it.

Because, somehow, we always get even.

**Kenny's POV:  
**I flipped dully through my Playboy. Ugh, all of these I've seen before! And the effect I usually get are now gone. Is it because I'm a girl or am I now gay-as a girl? Does your sexuality suddenly change when you cross genders? I threw the magazine across the room and flopped onto my belly.

This parka is totally chafing my neck.

"Hey, Kenny, come look!" Karen shouted from the other end of my room. A giant, all pink and orange (since cheap ass parents can only afford two markers) mural was painted across my wall.

I rushed over to her side, half in adoration (aw, so cute!) and half saying (Dammit Karen! This is my room too! AGH!)

"It's a picture of my guardian angel!" Karen exclaimed happily. My smile grew. But my smile decreased in size when I realized that a. the markers were permanent and b. Karen doesn't have the best art skills.

I gazed at the picture. It was a giant mural on our wall (Karen, Kevin, and I all share the same room. Cheap ass parents use the extra room as a drinking house)

The mural showed a picture of me, dressed up in my Mysterion getup, smiling while flying through the air. The figure was throwing down fire crackers and had one hand bound to another character, whom I assume was Karen. What made my pride boast twice as large was the fact that Mysterion had angel wings and a halo.

Heh.

"One day, I'm going to ask Mysterion to marry me!" She shouted happily while hugging me tightly. Hopefully, I will tell Karen Mysterion's identity before that day comes.

My smile was now so big that my face hurt. My jaw had scrunched up into a prideful grin. Karen buried her face into my stomach.

I leaned in and nuzzled my face with Karen's head. I could never be happier.

"KENNY!" My happiness was now replaced with shock, due to the sudden loudness, "GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND CLIP MY TOENAILS!" ARG! Do them yourself, asshole. Please, tell me, how the fuck are you my brother, again?

I let my eyes flutter down and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. I gratefully listened to the silence as I started the countdown in my head. 10, 9, 8, 7-

"KENNY! DO ME A FAVOR AND GIVE ME SOME UNDERWEAR FROM THE WOMAN'S STORE!" Mom, I love you and all, but kiss my ass. The grin from my face dropped onto the floor and shattered.

"KENNY! GET ME A BEER!" I'll probably drink it all before it even gets to you, butt-wipe.

"YEAH RIGHT, FUCK-TARTS!" I shouted. I immediately remembered Karen by my side. I looked toward her with wide eyes.

"I won't say it, Kenny."

"Good."

**Clyde's POV:**

I lay flat on my bed and I rolled to my side. I stared at the blue wall, sulking.

I quickly got to my feet and opened my bedroom door. I stared at my feet as I made my way in front of Katrina's door. Maybe she could give me some tips with my hair or something. I looked up to stare at her door, which was white and decorated with flowers. I pressed the doorknob and made my way in.

No one there.  
Panic soon whelmed up inside of me and I hastily searched her closet and the bathroom. No one.

"Katrina! Katrina!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I needed to see my sister RIGHT NOW. She was one of my last sources of comfort. Yes, that fourteen year girl is one of the people who I can fully trust. I have more dependence on her than Craig, and he/she is my best friend. No matter how much of a coward she is (a little less than me, but whatever), I love her!

"AHHHHHH!" I screamed. Where is she?! WHERE IS KATRINA?!

"Clyde! You left the toilet seat up!" My mom called from upstairs.

"I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT THE STUPID TOILET! WHERE THE FUCK IS KATRINA?!" I shrieked in response. My red hat (covering my ponytail) was starting to fall because of my freaking out.

"Don't use that tone with me, mister!"

"YAAAAAAAAAHHHH! DIDN'T YOU DIE OR SOMETHING?!" I cried out. Really, didn't my mom die by toilet? Is Katrina lost? Did Katrina run away? Is Katrina dead? NO! MY SISTER CAN'T BE DEAD!

"Your sister isn't dead, Clyde!" My mom yelled from upstairs. Opps, did I say that out loud?

"KATRINA!" I called once more, running around through the house like a mad man.

I heard the door slam.

"Mom, I'm home! Sorry, the bus was a little late!" I heard her! That was Katrina!

"Katrina!" I cried out while pouncing onto my sister. She fell backward onto the floor.

"Jesus, Clyde!" I nearly forgot about my girl state and I hugged my sister. She was back!

…

Did I overreact?

**Kyle's POV:**

I think my head is on the edge of exploding.

Why did Bebe have to TIE my hair into KNOTS so TIGHTLY?! And even worse, this stupid ushanka was nothing like my old one. This one itched like there was no tomorrow.

"Kyle, you have barely touched your food." My mom noted while digging into her beef brisket.

I stared at the phone. PLEASE. RING.

"I'm not hungry." I replied while staring at the phone.

"You seem upset, bubbelah." Mom suddenly stated with a worried tone.

"Did something bad happen today?" Dad inquired.

"Yes." I responded subconsciously. Which was partially the truth…because of today, I'm a girl with painted toe-nails…thank you Red *eye-roll*.

"Did the girls vote you ugliest again?" My dad asked. If they did, I would be burning down the school. I still have matches and lighter fluid from last time.

"No." I replied quietly while lightly picking up some of my food and placing it in my mouth.

"Did the school only have bananas for lunch?" If that happened, I would either be barfing in the toilet or barfing on Wendy (to give Stan a break)

"No." I kept chewing on whatever I picked up.

"Is your friend Stan moving away?" Mom asked while digging into her dinner as if it were nothing. If he/she (no matter how annoying he/she and Kenny can be if they team up) was I would be moping in my room. I chewed violently on whatever I put on my mouth. I couldn't taste it, but it was really mushy.

"No."

I stared at the phone. I think it was mocking me.

"Did Cartman exploit the Jews again?" Dad asked loudly. One word: DUH. He does that every day. And this time she/he had revealed that he/she has a racist/religionist notebook.

"No." I kept chewing, but this horrible taste started to fill up my mouth. A familiar, but terrible taste had mingled with my saliva. I quickly spit it out, to find the food really yellow and mushy.

A banana.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" I screamed. Bananas are fucking gross.

**Butter's POV:**

"Could you PLEASE explain to us why we found THIS in your drawer?!"

Oh no! I'm busted for being a girl! I was on the verge of breaking down but…

My dad held up my picture of Lexus from Raisins.

Wait, what?

**Bebe's POV:  
**I don't think I've ever experienced this emotion before.

I mean, I have felt sadness before, and I have felt anxiety before, and I have also felt guilty before, but this whole thing was new. It was like a pang in my gut.

It's like the mixture of the two feelings of when you dropped your perfect ice-cream cone onto the hot pavement and a feeling that you have just betrayed someone, yet that person still likes you.

I won't say that I've never betrayed someone before. I mean, who could say they actually haven't? Some point in your life, whether you like it or not, you have talked behind a friend's back or you have cheated on something.

Which, ashamedly, I actually have done both.

I already know the cause of my mixed feelings.

I have betrayed the whole 4th grade class with the curse of the jinx.

If only I hadn't let Wendy say that she wondered what it would be like to be guys. That sounded too much like it was Wendy's fault, because I have the gut feeling that this was as much as my fault as it was for Wendy.

I flipped the pillow that my face was buried in, just because the stains of the tears on the other side had become unbearable.

My wig flopped everywhere as I buried my face into the soft object.

When will I be able to tell someone about what I did?

**Tweek's POV:**

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH! I want out! I want out! I want OUT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!

Oh Jesus tap-dancing Christ! What if the hair spray breaks and my long hair shows?! What if Wendy's dad comes back and kills me? What if the underpants gnomes-

UNDERPANTS GNOMES!

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!" I screamed. I was so tempted to pull out my hair, but I let the energy flow out of my body by banging my head against the window.

The window! Oh the pressure, man!

I quickly unlatched the window so the 4th graders could sneak in. But, what about the ladder?  
"AHHHHHHHHH TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

"Tweek, honey," I heard my mom call from downstairs, "your underwear is gone so we decided to buy you new ones. But the only ones we could find were these lace panties and granny panties!"

My…crappy…life…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

My typical parents. They aren't abusive or anything, but they somehow find a way to fuck logic all the time.

**Mr. Garrison's POV:**

_Dear Mr. Garrison,_

_Please excuse Kenny and all the other students from class. There is a very important meeting (that is very private so we ain't telling you about it) the students have to attend in Greely. The Blacks were also kind enough to take all the kids to City Wok for lunch for a science project on e coli. Our family couldn't really afford contamination and all that fancy stuff, so they might not come back for a few days._

_You could use this time to relax, but please tell the principal that the students are present. Don't you wanna get paid? Plus, my friends are cops, and we WILL track you down._

_Have a nice day and thank you._

_Signed,_

_Stuart and Carol McCormick._

Something isn't right.

This is obviously a note from Kenny's parents, but the Blacks and the McCormick's hate each other. Why would they help each other, then?

This whole note is fishy. People would usually give a phone call. Plus, why would they give me a note now? They should give it to me ahead of time. How would a note get on my desk if they left today?

Something isn't right.

And I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

"Yes you should." Mr. Hat said.


	14. Gnomes and what the heck is Butters?

****Author's note: My god this is a late chapter! I really need to manage my time more. My laptop was crashing so I gave it about three days of space, but then when I come back it just crashed again! Okay, I'll stop making excuses but I can I will try to get the next chapter out by the end of November. Can anyone guess who Butters is?**

**Craig's POV:  
**I sat on Tweek's bed, squashed in between Beth and Stan. I stared at the bright clock on Tweek's nightstand. In big, gallant numbers, it read: 3:20.

"I'm so tired!" Clyde moaned.

"Suck it up, asshole." I responded while instinctively flipping her off. My response only got another annoying whine from Clyde.

"You're one to talk." Clyde mumbled. "I'M TIRED!" Clyde started to groan louder.

"Shut up." Token stated, also annoyed.

I shut my ears from the outside world. Why is everyone so goddamn annoying? I gave my sharpest evil eye around the room. Everyone appeared five hundred times more annoying. Stan and Kyle were annoyingly quiet, Cartman and Kenny were annoyingly loud, Clyde and Token were now just annoying, Tweek was annoyingly going into paranoia, and Beth was being an annoying fuck-tart (as usual).

"OMG! Like, Craig, this hat is, like, totally a, like, replica of your old hat! But, unfortunately, these shoes, like, look nothing like my old ones! LOL!" Beth ended WAY too happily for my case.

"OMG! Like, shut up, butt-hole." Cartman exclaimed mocking Beth's voice. While Beth tries to shut up, why don't you try losing some weight, tubby?

"AY!" Cartman replied. Oops, did I say that out loud?

"You're so mean!" Beth pouted.

"Well you're annoying." Kenny snorted. It's times like these where I remind myself why I can tolerate Kenny. That feeling quickly vanished when Stan (the butt-wipe) and Kenny (the stupid pervert) started to laugh hysterically. Their laugh seemed to be more annoying than usual.

"How am I annoying?" Beth asked while furrowing her eyebrows.

"Well, like, you, like, talk like this." Kenny responded in a super high pitched voice. Clyde started to crack up and even Tweek giggled. This, in turn, caused Kenny to start laughing.

"And it doesn't help that your voice sounds like a whale during labor." Kyle sneered while opening the window, letting Red and Powder into Tweek's room. Clyde started howling with laughter as Kenny choked on her giggles.

"Uah!" Beth exclaimed, making this quick gasp of air while turning her mouth twice as big to represent she was obviously offended.

"So, are there underpants gnomes or what?" Wendy asked while turning toward Tweek. Some of the girls nodded in agreement.

"ERGH-yeah! They…they come at 3:30 to s-steal my –Agh! - underwear!" Tweek stuttered while letting in Kevin through the window.

"Hey!" Cartman called, "Should we kill the gnomes when their done helping us? What if they turn on us or something?" Only that fatso would remark something like that.

"No, first, that would be wrong and would scar us for life. Death isn't something you forget." Kyle argued back. This started another pointless fight between the two.

"If this doesn't work then I'm going to kill you. Wouldn't you all remember that?" Kenny called in an almost insane way. Her eyes were inflated and a very creepy grin was plastered across her face. She seemed to be controlled by insanity in a way. It almost worried me. Almost.

"TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" Tweek screamed.

"Hey, McCormick, you alright?" I asked, a little concerned…after all, she/he was kind of my friend. Her disturbing grin didn't disappear but she did mumble: 'death'.

"Kenny is a little sensitive and bat-shit insane about the topic of death." Stan hissed into my ear. I nodded.

"SO-when are the gnomes going to arrive? What are we going to do after they come?" Jenny asked while folding his/her hands together.

"In four more minutes" Molly answered.

I sighed as I flipped onto Tweek's bed and closed my eyes. My dyed brown-black hair quickly let loose out of the bun and it spread out, covering a huge area of the bed. I inhaled sharply, trying to calm down, but I ended up shooting off the bed like a rocket in disgust. Tweek's bed smelled like coffee. Surprisingly, I've been friends with this guy for three years and I still couldn't bear the smell or taste of coffee.

I slowly let the clamors of the girl-guys fill my head, as the doubts and belief of underpants gnomes started to pour out of their mouths.

I stared at the clock and groaned. It had only been fifteen seconds that have passed by. I flipped onto Tweek's bed again, inhaling through my shirt, and started to daze off.

These were going to be a long four minutes.

**Bebe's POV:**

I didn't trust myself to talk.

I couldn't. If I did, I might blurt out the REAL reason on why we are now the opposite gender. The guilt had been weighing me down for the past twenty-four hours, and it hasn't lifted the slightest.

I couldn't even begin to express on how much I longed to tell the girls about my new idea for a list (I have been extra cautious…just in case Stan and Wendy DO somehow manage to get me in jail again). How much I desperately wanted to just tell the girls about my three new pairs of shoes.

Wendy didn't seem to have any problem talking. She was blabbing like crazy, but I could detect the hints of guiltiness in her voice after several sentences.

I stared at everyone in the coffee scented room. I didn't really have anything better to do. And I didn't want to be dragged down by the evil curse anymore.

Powder was like a faucet. Whenever Powder opened his/her mouth, dozens of sentences start to splash out like water, and the only way to shut the faucet was to get Red to start talking or for Wendy to go on a rant about something.

Butters stood there as stiff as a bored, nervously chewing on her/his fingernails while trying to make small talk with Kenny, Kyle, or Stan, who would surprisingly mutter a few 'thanks' and droning 'you don't say' here and there, which all of their words dripping with sarcasm. Butters seemed to be extremely happy about their sarcastic words.

Heidi was clamoring loudly with Powder, rivaling whose voice could be louder. Heidi would always somehow get angry and go into rant/pissed off mode, which only some of the girl-guys actually gave a crap about.

Kyle was scratching her head because of the knots I tied in her hair. She would cringe and attempt to pull out the hair elastics, but all that would do was make the knots even tighter.

Tweek was flipping out.

Craig was half-dozing and half-mumbling a few 'shut up, spaz' and 'calm down's.

Beth was annoying everybody. Don't get me wrong, I'm SURE Beth is a sweet person *eye-roll* but she has all the qualities I hate in a friend. She was WAY too loud, she tried too hard to please people, she was a hypocrite, she was not very faithful, and she just wasn't that bright.

"Hey, Bebe, you've been quite." Red commented while slinging an arm around me. I could just feel Red's finger delicately touching my blond-fro, as if he were experimenting how fluffy it could go.

"It's none of your business." I retorted. I was in no mood to talk. I didn't want to jinx anything again.

"Hey, hey-don't get your panties in a knot. Just trying to help- so, wassup?" Red asked, trying to comfort me by squeezing the absolute life out of me.

"Nothing."

"Fine. Be that way." Red replied, trying to sound sympathetic but I could tell he was getting pissed.

**Back to Craig's POV:  
**"It's fifteen minutes past the time the gnomes were supposed to get here." I remarked. Tweek started to vibrate.

"T-that's weird." She stated quietly.

I never, ever thought that the 'underpants gnomes' were ever real. I've been hearing about them for three years, and still, I never believed her.

Tweek gazed into my eyes. A little to close for my comfort, so I backed away. She raised an eyebrow. I went back a little. I stared into Tweek's eyes, only to find suspicion in those coffee colored guilt-makers.

"You d-don't believe me! YAGH!" Tweek exclaimed while ripping off a strand of sunny yellow hair.

"No! I do!" I responded with no sincerity in my voice. I am still a little nervous to get Tweek pissed-I mean back in the 3rd grade (last year) she-he broke two ribs, fractured my arm, almost clawed out my eye, and left a permanent mark on my foot since the fight. I tried to convince myself that I at least fractured her jaw and pulled out half of her-his hair-but it didn't make me feel much better. When Tweek is angry, she/he gets VIOLENTLY PISSED.

And it didn't really help that Tweek somehow transfers all the caffeine he/she drinks into one killer left hook when hitting someone.

"Agh! I NEED COFFEE!" Tweek screamed.

_Time to go to work, collect underpants, stealing them all night and day._

_Time to go to work, steal underpants, yum tum yummy tum yay!_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH! THEY'RE HERE!" Tweek screamed. I flicked my eyes to small moving figures…opening Tweek's drawers…and pulling out a pair of underwear.

"WELL I'LL BE DAMNED." Half the class stated, including me, watching the gnomes.

"Hey twitchy! Where's the other underwear?" A small, black haired gnome shouted, making some sort of temper tantrum.

"I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE!" Tweek screamed, starting to cry.

"Hey! You're not twitchy! Where's twitchy?" An orange haired gnome exclaimed.

All of the class (other than Stan's and her pals, Tweek, and I) were way too afraid to move. I flipped them off, which caused the same orange haired gnome to flip me off back.

Well.

"Twitchy?!" Tweek questioned, offended. I was offended too. Couldn't they come up with a more creative name (like Spazzy-Pants or The Walking Vibrator?)

"Hey! I saw you before!" A gnome pointed at Kyle. Kyle raised a brow.

"What?"

"Yeah! You wanted to know about big corporations and stuff. But you look like a girl-fag now, dude." A gnome with a well groomed mustache accused. Cartman let out a snort.

"Hey! I'm…not exactly a guy anymore." Kyle mumbled at the end of her sentence.

"Did you get surgery?" A red haired gnome asked while flinging clothes from Tweek's drawers, desperately looking for underwear.

"No! Uh…we kind of need your help." Kyle grunted out.

"How," A gnome grunted. It didn't really sound like a question.

"Well…this is a kind of funny story." Heidi began while giving a nervous smile.

"And it's long and big one." Cartman added. Kenny sniffed a sly 'that's what she said' while starting to giggle.

"We've got time. Start from the beginning." One gnome with a blue hat demanded.

"Well, it kind of started way to yesterday." Kenny remarked.

"No, it was this morning." Clyde and Kyle responded in unison.

"It started around two." Stan commented.

"We woke up at different times." Token concluded. "So who has the earliest time?"

"I woke up at 12." Kenny responded.

"Well," Beth started. I plugged my ears but I could easily hear the brat say "11:59". Bitch.

"Whatever." Kenny sneered. "So, I was getting up because I felt something weird and stuff. And when I go to the bathroom I find that I'm some girl!"

"When I woke up and found I was a dude, I totally flipped out!" A voice piped up. A few 'me-too's' were made by the girl-guys.

"Anyway, so we all showed up to school, and to make a long story short, we had a little meeting to decided what to do next about this whole gender thing." Red commented. A lot of whispers spread across the room before Kelley spoke.

"So," Kelley, the fairy-tale lover started, "Tweek" He pointed at Tweek, "came up with the idea of visiting you gnomes. Don't you have magical powers?"

"Yes." All the gnomes said at once. I waited for any of the midgets to say something else, but they stood silent with blank stares.

"So…could you put us into our rightful genders?" Clyde squeaked.

"Sure." All the gnomes said at once.

I waited for the gnomes to do something-anything-else, but all they would do is stare at us with cold, demeaning eyes.

"So, can you do it?" Bebe exhaled out, exasperated.

"Underwear." Half the gnomes declared, while the other half replied with "Profit."

"I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE UNDERWEAR AND PROFIT!" Tweek yelled while ripping out chunks of long hair. So Tweek has been giving the gnomes money? No wonder I have to pay for his coffee.

"Here". Wendy said while tossing a pair of white undies. I cringed at the thought of the underwear I brought. Since all my clothes changed, I brought my most undignified pair. Isn't bright pink such a fucking wonderful color?

"More." The gnomes demanded, shooting their chubby fists in the air.

Stan chucked over a pair of underwear. It hit a gnome in the face. Cartman, soon following Stan's antics, threw a kitty covered pair of boy-shorts. I started to laugh. Kitty coat and now this?! That is too much to handle. I waited a while, and most of the girl-guys tossed over grey, white, green, and blue pairs of underwear. I think Token and Clyde tossed in their share too.

"MORE!" The gnomes demanded. Shit.

Kenny grumbled, balled up her pair, and launched it into a gnome's face. The gnome's nose started to bleed. It wasn't moving.

"Oh my god! You killed Patrick!" A gnome shouted.

"You bastard!" Kyle exclaimed in unison with another gnome.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kenny exclaimed, throwing some kind of temper tantrum with her fists. "And you still wonder I'm pissed! AHHHHH!"

"Hey," Kyle started, "Is Patrick okay?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?!" Kenny barked.

I watched as the other 4th graders throw their pairs of underwear, ignoring Kenny.

After about thirty minutes of pointless arguing between underwear between the girl-guys and the gnomes, Cartman suddenly declared:

"DAMMIT THIS IS GETTING IS NOWHERE! NOW COULD YOU MIDGETS PLEASE HELP US WITH OUR PROBLEM BECAUSE I WANT ANSWERS!"

The gnomes stayed silent for a while before they resumed to picking up all the underwear, putting it in a crate, and one gnome said:

"I'll turn you into the right genders. I've been working on my magic for weeks. Could I have a volunteer?" The gnome was acting like he was on stage or something.

"Butters." Cartman demanded while nudging him up to the stand.

"N-no, fellers! I might g-get grounded!" Butters pleaded.

I flicked a knot from my chullo hat and waited for this to blow over.

"How do we know you can do magic?" Wendy piped up.

"Look! This is my magic book!" The gnome said proudly while lifting up a brown pamphlet.

Everyone quickly dropped the magic topic and started to argue about who would volunteer. Can't our class settle anything without arguing?

"You do it Cartman! I mean your infamous amount of lard can shield you from anything bad!" Stan declared while nudging him.

"Ay! Shut up, Jew!"

"I'm not Jewish." Stan snapped.

"Oh, right."

The many voices clamored and clamored inside my head, before…

"FUCK IT I'LL DO IT!"

**Wendy's POV:**

I sat on Stan's bed, letting myself get consumed by my thoughts.

We are even more screwed than usual now.

"_FUCK IT I'LL DO IT!"_

_Butters stormed up bravely, pigtails wagging and all, and she crossed her arms, waiting for the gnome to do its magic._

_The gnome started to mumble something before waving his hands in a cheesy motion._

_And after a minute or two, a huge flash was seen. Everyone gasped as we got a better view of Butters._

_It certainly wasn't girl-Butters anymore._

"_What-what did you do to Butters?" Heidi screamed while galloping over to pick up the gnome's book._

"_Magic." The gnome answered dumbly._

_Heidi quickly turned to the page the gnome was reading and read the effect off to everyone._

_**This spell will turn the victim into whatever the victim thinks of most. Where's off in 48 hours.**_

_Everyone gasped again._

_I scurried next to Heidi to read the page._

_I read the two sentences in horror and glanced back up at Butters. I thought Butters would be a version of her dad…but who was that?_

_Butters started to fluff her new red hair nervously._

_I looked to the next page to see: __**This spell turns the victim into the opposite gender. Where's off in only thirty minutes.**_

_That would've been better than nothing._

I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling of Stan's room. I sighed.

Why did Butters get turned into a red haired freak?

Why didn't the gnome just turn someone else into the opposite gender instead of hurrying off like that?

And…

Why is there a beer can in Stan's trash can?

Wait…what?!

**Mr. Garrison's POV:**

A hurried along quickly down the sidewalk. I knew these students were up to something.

To study e coli? Do they think I'm stupid?

I balled up my fist and stopped at one of my student's house. I walked up to the door, breathing in anger and exhaling my last calmness in me, and knocked onto the door.

A 4th grader who looked strikingly like a girl named Beth in my class except with shorter hair answered the door.


	15. Drunk friends and Kenny's decision

****Authors note: BETH IS A CRAZY BITCH YAGH! Tried to make her sound like a bigger dork than Butters. Every comment from Cartman's POV I am deeply sorry for. I have kind of lost interest in the story, but reviews always give me hope *hint, hint*.**

**Third Person:**

"What do you want?" Beth asked with a sneer in his voice.

"Are you Beth?" Mr. Garrison immediately demanded, who wanted to get right to the chase.

"Um…let me see…I don't think so." Beth twirled his shorter, brown hair with a stupid frown.

Mr. Garrison furrowed his grey eyebrows and nose-bridge-pinched, a reflex that he had picked up from Stan. The man sighed and stepped inside the house.

**Cartman's POV:**

"Why the fuck did you call us over here?" Kenny grumbled through her scarf, trying to make it clear she was pissed beyond belief.

"It's not like you had anywhere important to be, butt-hole." I snorted, trying to get my thoughts together.

"I n-need to be heading home, fellers. I can't g-get grounded!" Butters cried out.

"You're going to get grounded for being THAT, Butters." Stan moaned, trying to make everyone shut up.

"I think you all see why we are here today." I suddenly declared, climbing onto my bed and ignoring every snide comment Kyle made about the 'tubby in the kitty coat'. Fuck that ginger.

"NO." Stan mumbled loudly while rolling her eyes. Fuck that ass-wipe.

"And if you were going to hold a meeting you could at least call everyone in the class. Not just moi and the rest of us." Kenny whined while referring to Stan, Kyle, Butters, and apparently 'moi'. I hate that pervy bastard.

"Well, it concern Butters." I started, referring to both her new appearance and suddenly swearing incident when we visited the gnomes.

"Oh." All three glare at Butters. She turned away nervously.

"Why did you turn into a carrot-headed Raisin's girl?" Stan groaned while holding her infamous 'nose-bridge pinch of gayness'.

"The gnome said it was what on Butter's mind the most." I informed.

"So Butters was jacking it while the gnome did I spell." Kenny commented with a straight face.

"Dude!" Kyle and Stan exclaimed in unison while punching Kenny on the arm. She snickered.

"Wh-what?" Butter's asked, eyes as wide as saucers.

"It means you were screwing yourself to a picture of a hot Raisin's girl." How the hell could she say that with a straight face?

"Go fuck yourself." Stan moaned out, keeping a nose bridge pinch.

"With pleasure." Kenny replied. Stan's eyes widened. Stupid pervert.

"How did you turn into a Raisin's girl anyway?" Kyle asked annoyingly.

"I don't know fellers. I just…I just… I don't know."

"When did you go to Raisin's before, anyway?" Kenny inquired.

It stayed silent for a while. When did we go to Raisin's?

Suddenly, an ingenious idea popped into my head.

"Oh! I remember! Stan went crazy after his bitch dumped him!" I exclaimed. Stan flipped me the bird, but I didn't care. Wendy was a bitch. Tittie cancer? Whales? Jesus.

"When did Wendy dump Stan?" Kenny asked, genuinely confused. Doesn't he remember?

"Remember? Wendy left him for Token…" Kyle stated logically like some smartass.

"Oh."

**Beth's POV:**

I couldn't betray the class.

But all of them were idiot-faces.

I tried to high-five them! Geez-Louise! But then some dummy said 'You need a high five! In the face! With a chair!'

High-fiving someone in the face with a chair is not a high five at all.

**Third Person:**

Kenny sighed but continued to listen to the conversation.

"OH! I remember now! That girl you were obsessed with for a week! Her name…uh…it was a car name…" Stan started, drawing a blank.

"Ford, Ferrari, Porsche, uh…Lexus! Yeah! That Lexus girl!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Y-yeah. My sweet Lexus." Butters mumbled.

"But didn't she brutally dump you and then you gave a whole speech on happy memories?" Stan inquired, exasperated. Butters sighed and stayed silent for several minutes.

"I-I was lying, fellers." Butters stated timidly, disappointed in herself.

"So…the thing about self improvement was a fake?" Stan asked. Butters nodded.

Stan took off her red and blue hat, and replaced it with a black and grey gothic hat that seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Well, I have no point in being here. Bye!" Stan declared in an emo-ish way, whipping her long hair forward before heading toward Cartman's door.

"But-don't you have some sort of a relationship with Wendy?" Kyle said loudly, chasing after Stan. Both of the super best friends ran out of the door.

The remaining three boy-girls stayed silent for a while before Kenny remarked; "Well, there goes my two reasons to stay at this fucking dump. Screw you guys, I'm going home." Kenny even copied Cartman's little hand motion before heading out the door.

After a few minutes (and letting the awkwardness sink in) Cartman started to speak again.

"Since the Underpants Gnomes changed Butters into a girl, we should kill them. I suggest a knife in the heart? But then again…these shifty Jew Gnomes may not have a heart. Like most J-" Cartman was quickly cut off by a small voice.

"I'll-I'll get g-grounded!" The now red-head ran out the door.

Cartman sighed.

"Well this meeting was a total fucking bust."

**TiMe WaRp (Stan's POV)**

The 4th grade classroom was deserted.

It was empty, run-down, and had an eerie creek once in a while.

So why the hell was I here with Kyle and Kenny?

"Stan." Kyle demanded while tapping on my shoulder.

"What." I demanded back, taking a drag out of my chocolate cigarette.

"Dude. First. That. Isn't. Even. Real."

"I don't fucking care. I don't need to be a conformist." I replied in a dark voice.

"Dude. You have a girlfriend." I didn't reply.

I waited for a few minutes for real awkwardness to soak in. Just when I was about to leave, I heard a chain of taps on a desk, as if to get my attention.

"What if I told you I knew how to get us back?" Kenny hissed.

"What?" Kyle asked.

"I have a way that sounds a little crazy…but it will work." He promised in a hushed voice.

"And it is….?" Kyle questioned.

I just stared at Kenny with raised eyebrows. He didn't answer.

"If you do what I say, I SWEAR we'll all be our regular genders at the end. I swear on my brother's life."

"But you hate your brother."

"Exactly."

"Shouldn't we call the rest of our class?" Kyle negotiated.

"Don't worry. Just. Do. Exactly. As. I. Say."

She started fumbling with a bottle of whiskey and a knife while cussing under her breath. She walked over to me, took a shot, and stomped on my foot.

"OW!" I yelled. She didn't even blink before draining the whole bottle of whiskey into my mouth and pinching my nose. Which made me swallow.

"DUDE! Kenny! That's whiskey!" Kyle yelled.

"Thanks, captain obvious." Kenny scoffed.

**Kyle's POV:  
**

How long does it take for a drink to affect your head?

I personally believe it takes several minutes before you're wasted.

But no…with Stan in takes only half a cup of beer and three seconds to get perfectly drunk.

Stan's drunk before.

She told me she has chugged a whole bottle of scotch in under thirty seconds.

But somehow, half a bottle of whiskey got her loonier than before.

"Pikachu, I choose you!" Stan screamed while throwing a highlighter against her desk before she fell to her knees.

So Stan couldn't Stan-d her ground.

Kenny was howling like a hyena, not even touching the knife she brought.

Wait…why did she bring a knife?

"Hey, -hiccup- hey Kyle! WERE BEST BUDDIES!" Stan gushed while squeezing the absolute life out of me and laughing into my ear.

Suddenly, Kenny grabbed my shoulder and Stan's shoulder and shoved the two together.

"Kyle, you wanna drink?" Kenny asked, shoving the bottle against my bottom lip.

"NO!" Shit. I opened my mouth.

**Kenny's POV:**

It took a lot of whiskey to get Stan drunk.

It didn't take as much to get Kyle as stupid.

I guess Stan has built up a resistance. But that would be really weird if he had (since Stan had always been against that kind of stuff)

"Where the fuck is Narnia?!" Kyle yelled while slamming the giant teacher cabinet doors closed. Then he opened it slowly (just to slam it back again).

"I don't fucking know, butt-fucker…you butt-fucking son of a fucking whore." Stan responded with a giggle.

Excellent language, Stan…excellent language.

Both of them started to giggle and stumble upon their own feet. I'm surprised they were still able to half-stand. It was kind of funny to see someone as, erm, UPTIGHT as Kyle to do this.

I was thinking about just watching my friends for a while, but I decided it would be best just to get on with it. Satan would be really mad if I were late. Besides, I want to play video games with Christopher.

"GUYS!" I roared, picking up my knife and positioning it into my chest.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeees?" Kyle inquired while fumbling on the floor.

No thoughts.

I did it.

**Kyle's POV:  
**

I couldn't remember everything.

I don't remember how it happened, or why it happened.

It seemed like a dream, but it was too real to be imaginary.

All I remember was that knife. It killed Kenny.

And I just stood there. Watching.


	16. Tea Parties lead to deals with the devil

****Author's note: FINALLY AN UPDATE! It's just a chapter to fill in the loose holes I have created! Somehow I squeezed the tiniest shred of Dip friendship into this, but even if you hate Dip I assure you it is the TINIEST SHRED. Just had the urge to write it. Damian turns out to love tea parties, too!**

**WENDY AND BEBE'S FATE: (Wendy's POV)**

"…and you promise you'll keep it a secret?" I finished my speech on the jinx. I felt as if a weight has just been lifted from my shoulders, and I'm pretty sure Bebe felt the same way. I took a quick glance at Bebe, who had a mix of relief and anxiousness on her face.

Even with the new relief, I did feel a little uncomfortable and sore about Red's shocked expression. I tilted my head a little in discomfort and made a quick glance at Bebe again, who was chewing on his bottom lip. I looked down at my feet, waiting for him to respond. I crackled the snow from the bottom of my feet in depression and looked back up to Red. She nodded slowly.

"Wow. I swear on my life I won't tell." He promised. I smile started to tug at my lips, but then she began again: "but it's kind of weird that one simple sentence could do all that." Red stated kind of quietly, lifting up his hand and sending a gasp of frozen air in my direction.

"Again, were really sorry for causing all of this trouble." Bebe reassured, her-his pale hands clasped together as if some form of promising.

"Yeah. We didn't know a stupid-ass jinx could be so retarded." I tried to joke.

"Yeah. Just promise you won't make fucking retarded jinxes again and were cool." Red replied.

…**Third person**

Even in the cold scenery, where it felt barren and chilly, there was a round figure listening to every word all three of the he-she's said. The figure snickered in an evil way and ran.

"KAHL!"

**WHAT HAPPENED, BUTTERS? (Butter's POV)**

I played with my wobbly strands of carrot colored hair.

I had already changed my clothes into girl my old girls clothes (they are surprisingly comfortable!) but whenever I try to sponge down the makeup it just reappears again a few minutes later. It scared me the first couple of times, but I figured that gnome's magic was gnome's magic and it should wear off. I decided there was enough biscuits in my life and shrugged it off again mentally, reassuring myself I didn't mind.

I was counting down the time until the 48 hours were over. There was exactly 12 hours left. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny were really mad at me. Oh hamburgers!

I prayed to my lucky stars when I would change back, I would change back into boy Butters. I got up and played with my reddish hair in front of my hand-held mirror.

Oh Lexus…my sweet, sweet-

"BUTTERS! GET DOWN HERE NOW!" My dad screeched from downstairs.

OH HAMBURGERS! I can't go downstairs looking like THIS. My eyes widened and I puked into my mouth. I looked into a handheld mirror in absolute HORROR, to see a Lexus face staring back in horror.

I quickly ran to my bathroom quietly (as I could, that is) and washed off all the makeup I could from my face. I looked back at a face that looked nothing like mine.

I spun my head around to see what could help me. I opened all the drawers, and spotted a pair of scissors. Without even thinking, I gave myself a radical haircut until it looked a little bit like my old hair. The matted, reddish plump of hair looked even WORSE on my head than before. I searched frantically through the bathroom cabinets to see if I could find something that would help me.

"BUTTERS!" I could FEEL my dad's patient shortening. My arms went faster in the cabinets.

"In…In a minute!" I yelled back.

I ferociously reopened the bathroom cabinet again, shooting my hands in there and trying to find SOMETHING. Suntan lotion-no, Deodorant-no, Concealer-no…gastro pills? Then, after a few bottles and creams, I found my mom's yellow hair dye.

SCORE!

I quickly dumped the whole bottle into my head, not even reading the instructions. I expected the thing to be thick and pasty or something like glue, but it flew out of the bottle like hot water. It didn't exactly burn my scalp. It just felt a little sunburned if you tap on it to hard. When the whole bottle was empty, I read the label.

"COLORFUL BLONDE: WORKS INSTANTLEY AFTER USE." I read to myself.

I looked in the mirror. The little clump of hair was still a mousy red, but it was turning a little yellow! I figured by the time I got downstairs, it would be perfect.

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTEEE EEEEEEERRRRRRRRSSSSS! Don't make me come up! You're going to be grounded soon, mister!" Dad yelled sternly.

"Coming!" I screamed back, turning off the lights and rushing downstairs. I felt like a champion who was running down a slide. I quickly turned, almost tripping over my own feet.

When I got down there, I saw my dad tapping his foot vigorously with a broken vase at his feet.

When he got one glimpse of me, his jaw dropped.

"Butters? Why are you wearing makeup and girl's clothes?" He asked suspiciously, eyebrows raised and everything.

No! I forgot to change out of my girl's clothes to the ones we bought a few days ago! I'm in a skirt right now (skirts are surprisingly comfortable).

"Oh. Um." I drew a blank and I instantly put my hands behind my back. My feet wavered across the floor and my head tilted to the side nervously.

"Are you confused again?! ARE YOU CONFUSED?!"

"Yes, Dad! This is really confusing!" I shouted back, being genuinely confused. I thought he would say something like "Oh. Okay." But the tone on his face didn't go down.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Who are you confused with? Is it that Eric kid again?"

"Um…no." I answered honestly.

"And…why is your hair turning orange?" He asked with his eyebrows raised again.

"Um…" I drew out. Does hair dye not work with gnome magic?

"Oh god. LINDA! LINDA! BUTTERS HAIR IS TURNING RED! How many times have I told you NOT to have your hair turn red?!"

I counted on my fingers. "Seven times, dad. Seven times."

Mom suddenly rushed into the living room, and once she saw me her jaw was on the floor.

"Oh boy. I'm in triple Dutch now." I whispered to myself.

"Go to your room! You're grounded, mister!" My mom and dad said in unison. I trudged back up the stairs. Aw, biscuits. I'm in four-sis Dutch now.

**Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Hell (Kenny's POV)**

Christophe's let out a sharp laugh.

"That is a complete bullcrap story! Killing yourself in front of a bunch of drunken idiots doesn't make them remember any more! You should be worrying about the fact that you're a girl, not your little problem with death!"

Little problemo? Sistah-you did not just go there! I narrowed my eyes and tried to bulldoze him with my irises. It didn't seem to be working.

He kept laughing.

"AUGH! Shut up, butt-hole!" I exclaimed, shaking his shoulders. He ran his gloved hand through his hair while shaking (literally) with laughter.

"WHAHAHA-ha-ha…ha. Okay I'm out of laughs." He answered with his sincere voice. The tightness in my face lightened and I cleared my throat.

"Ok. So do you think-"

"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Christophe's a lying asshole.

"WHAHA!"

I slumped on my hell cell chair thingie-mabobber and started to think harder. I guess that drunken idiot idea was only a spur-of-the-moment thing.

"Wait-you're actually serious about this?!" Christophe sat up straight with his shovel dropping out of his hands. I nodded and rolled my eyes. His blue eyes widened and he face-palmed while even his cigarette dropped out of his mouth. You know when he is going to do something super serious when that god-hater's cigarette falls out of his mouth.

I thought he would stop laughing but-the tiny smile started to form at his lips. Then-

"YOU'RE ACTUALLY BEING SERIOUS! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAH AHAHA!"

"Don't make me stab you with a clothes hanger!"

"Like I care! I didn't care when my mother stabbed me with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb! YOU ARE BEING SERIOUS! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I took my clothes hanger and stabbed him in the stomach. He didn't bleed, but he did bruise.

He started to make the sound of a dying giraffe.

"Uwaaaah! Uwaaaah! Ahem-HAHAHAHAHA!"

"I don't need to deal with this bullcrap! I'm going to Satan!" I exclaimed while opening my cell door. I could use this time to talk to Satan so he could use his powers…

**Kyle's POV:**

"He killed himself…with a knife…" Stan droned on with her voice cracking. She's repeated that at least fifty times now. It was getting pretty annoying.

"Yeah. I remember." I also droned, rubbing my eyes (which were probably damp, if I paid attention). The memory was very, very blurry and indistinguishable, which surprised me because if someone DIED I would expect my brain to make sure it was crystal clear. I looked back at Stan (who was now only semi-goth) and she sighed. She took another chug of her whiskey and groaned. Stan had taken a habit of drinking excessively when she was depressed (usually I would stop her no matter how gloomy I felt, but I gave up months ago).

"But I'm not worried." Stan replied very unconfidently. Her voice and body reminded me of a deflated balloon. I stared into her eyes, perplexed by her sudden statement.

"What?" I asked, eye twitching. He-she looked just as confused as I did (but hers was more of a drunk way).

"I don't know why…but it just seems so familiar!"

Familiar?

**Back to Kenny's POV:**

I took a quick glance at the clock as I hurried along the red rock hallways. It was 10 PM Earth time, so I had eight hours to find Satan and convince him to help me. I sped up my legs even more, trying to avoid contact with the wandering souls.

I hastily opened his office door, expecting to see a bulky devil but as an alternative I saw his son. Damian.

And Pip.

Both of them were sitting at a little, frilly looking table and there were tea party cups and kettles dispersed about the table. Pip didn't seem to mind pouring tea for Damian, but the son of the devil had a yellow cookie stuffed into his mouth and was bright red. Both of them seemed to be playing tea party. Pip was in his regular clothes, but Damian's new clothes looked a little more like Pip's, but they were black.

"Am I interrupting something?" I asked, letting my temptation to scream to the world 'tea-party! THE SON OF THE DEVIL PLAYS TEA PARTY HAHAHA' take a halt. Damian swallowed his cookie in one gulp and then kind of squirmed in place, letting his face not be as red as before. Pip continued sipping his tea in a manly way (as manly as not touching the glass with your pinkie as can be).

Damian sighed and started to make a speech in a gruff voice:

"No, girlie, you aren't. If you're looking for the newcomer place, take a left at the main hall and when you see the skull candles-"

"No, dude, it's me. Kenny McCormick? Long story short, gender confusion and screwed up town of South Park. Where's your dad?" I said quickly in one breath. I wanted to rip on him about playing tea-party, but I guess there is no time. Eight hours to go.

"Erm-hehe-he's on the 13th floor, party room." Damian chuckled while pushing me out. I growled at him, and he just petted me on the head and said "Girlie." My face twisted. HE had the right to call MOI girlie?

"Girlie? You play tea party." I said but I went out.

He closed the door shut and locked the latch. I took one glance back into the room, and Damian and Pip were already chatting away and sipping tea. I made my way to the elevator and pressed it open. I quickly pressed the button to the thirteenth floor while trying to make small talk with two demons, which were also on their way to the party.

The door opened after a grueling five minutes and I rushed my way out.

I made my way to the 13th floor, where crowds of souls were gathered partying.

I took one step onto the lava rock dance floor and my foot landed in a pile of beer.

I saw Satan at the other side of the room, dancing with Hitler and Heather. I rush of determination rushed through my veins and I pushed people out of my way. No one can stop me! I feel fucking invincible! NO ONE CAN DISTRACT THE ALL MIGHTY KENNY MCCORMICK. NO DISTRACTIONS-

Oh, hot chick! That 15'ish raven in the slutty outfit!

I made my way through the crowd of people and demons in a hurry. I had a feeling this girl was going to be taken by someone.

I quickly ran my hands through her kind of soft hair and leaned in close to her ear and whispered:

"Get down on your knees and smile like-"

My pervert pickup line GENIOUS was interrupted by her high pitched screaming. She even clamped her scotch glass down so it broke in her hands.

She didn't even look me in the eye. She just pushed me out of her way like a bitch.

I quickly got over her when I spotted another hot raven, dancing with her hot brunette friend, both in an even smuttier outfit. I smiled internally.

I sped to their spot faster than a speeding bullet and tried to pick up a drink of beer on the way there. I snuck up behind my two ladies and put my hands on their shoulders. I made them turn around and I winked at them. I opened my mouth and began to say: "If we were squirrels, I-"

AND…THEY JUST COUGHED AND WALKED AWAY.

I walked away in the opposite direction in complete daze. Usually my charm and good looks brainwashed all my victims, no matter how old, or sometimes young they are. I even made out with a slutty five year old before and screwed a blond in her thirties who had a demon husband. I sure screwed their relationship up.

I spotted not only a couple of hot blonds and a cute raven, but also some pretty brunettes AND drunken Heather dancing near Satan. A smile quickly spread across my face. Killing two birds with one stone-I get my lady (or ladies) and a deal with Satan in the same trip. I almost jumped over the crowd and in a flash I saw myself with my hand in one of the blonde's hair.

"I'm like a snow storm. Nine inches and-"

"I'm sorry. But not only you're gross, I have a boyfriend." The blond said snobbery while flaring her nose. She walked away instantly with the cutest raven. Shit. I tried hitting on each individual girl, and all of them ended up either rejecting me or feeling bad for me and then lecturing how that's not nice or whatever crap.

Damn, what is up with these girls today? They seem to be immune to my beautiful hair, crystal clear teeth, and gorgeous, manly-

Oh. Riiiiiiiiiight.

**Mr. Garrison and Beth:**

"…so I AM really Beth. I have no idea how we switched genders and such." Beth finished while clearing his throat.

"Those little punks!" Mr. Garrison cried out angrily.

"I-K-R-?" Beth replied slowly, actually saying the letters.

"Think they can skip school on me?! HA!" Mr. Garrison exclaimed while crumpling up the note for absence that Kenny wrote only a week ago.

"You should contact their parents!" Beth said excitedly. She really hated her classmates, and felt no guilt at all betraying them.

Mr. Garrison looked at Beth with a twisted look on her face.

"Oooook…do you know what caused you all to switch genders?"

"Um, no."

"Those little dick-faced retards!"

"You should contact their parents!" Beth repeated, as if Garrison didn't hear the first time. Mr. Garrison looked at her with a funny face and continued his rant about how his class were, quote: "Dick-faced retards".

**THE FINAL DEAL:**

"I can change you back." Satan kind of purred in a very, very creepy way while trying to gulp down his beer while making eye-contact with me. I shuddered. Very, very creepy pedophile way.

"Really?" I asked, knowing there was some kind of edge or string attached while trying to maintain my distance away from Satan.

"Yes. For a price. This is the edge:" Satan started to speak.

Am I psychic or what?! I started to laugh nervously at my sudden thought. Damn my overwhelming sense of humor!

"I will change you and your friends back if I can claim three of your classmate's souls to spend in hell for eternity! MUAHAHA!" Satan cackled evilly.

Um…

"Kenny…or Kelley…or Kendra…Jenny…" He chuckled at his own joke but I rolled my eyes.

"If your classmate is truly, really good or something he or she will still count as one soul but can still live. I'll let you ponder about it. The next time you come here or see me we'll discuss. Here, you can look over this too. " He chuckled again, gave me a large black book (that was about two feet long) and hurried me along into the mass of people to join the party or something. I pushed away people and tried to get back to the entrance.

The rest was a blur. I remember rushing out of the 13th floor in a hurry and the next thing I know I am on my rock-hard mattress, thinking about Satan's deal and everything else that was screwed up about my life. I hugged the black book, deciding not to read it until I get up back to reality.

Should I choose the devil's deal?

Will the deal even work?

If I do agree, which three will make the sacrifice?

If I don't do it…

Wait.

_If your classmate is really, really good or something he or she will count as one soul but can still live._

That means-

I gasped and choked on my breath.

I just need three classmates that are sure not to go to hell or something (so they are Christian) and I'll get out of the devil's deal!

I smiled with a tinge of confusion as I started to disappear from my rock-hard mattress.

Not only did I just fix my class's gender problem AND Stan and Kyle have a 1% chance of remembering my death, BUT I just outsmarted the devil!

I looked up to see a light.

I was going back up to reality.


	17. Traitorous Cartman with coffee stotch

****Author's note: Kenny's, Stan's, and Kyle's speech's on dying is somewhat based on the Superhero Arc speech and Mysterion. Kenny is still severely OOC. Cartman's side of the story and an update on his life is very irrelevant to the chapter of dying with Kenny, but I feel bad not having so many Cartman centered things, since he is one of the four main boys. I am aware Kenny barely gets any roles in the actual show and he takes up half the story. Clyde's POV is severely horrible. There is a little friendship-rival-stupid Candy. ALL THANKS TO COYOTE SMITH. C.S. MADE THE ENDING IDEA LAST YEAR. I'm seriouslah.**

**Tweek's POV:**

There I was, just minding my own business! I THOUGHT I was alone at Stark's pond but NO!

I had just gone to the frozen little pond to relax with my coffee and get my mind off of stupid girly things. The knife cold wind and silent noises as thick as blankets around me made my guard crumple just a tiny bit. I was trying to get more used to the outside world and leave my safety of my room, but this event set back my 'progress' by a milestone.

BAM! An arm swung onto my shoulder, tugged me down just a little bit, and then someone yelled a muffled "HEY TWEEKIE! I JUST FOUND A SOLUTION TO ALLLLLL OF OUR PROBLEMS. SINCE YOU SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS OUTSIDE AND DOESN'T KEEP THEIR DOORS LOCKED!"

I screamed a little and spilled my coffee all over the snow.

"NO!" I screamed and gasped while the drink of the gods drizzled everywhere. I turned around with my eyes narrowed and slapped that person on the cheek.

"Ow! Geez, Tweek. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry. But that really hurt." Kenny replied with big eyes. My anger instantly evaporated and I was replaced by guilt.

"O-oh my g-god! I'm s-so sorry, Kenny! I –ngg- didn't t-think!" I apologized profusely with my hands up in a surrendering motion. Kenny started to laugh while taking off her dingy scarf that covered her mouth.

"Dude, Tweek, its cool. But I found an answer to our gender problem!" Kenny swung his-her arm around me again as I tried to absorb what the hell just happened in the last thirty seconds. Her words were a lot clearer now, but the smelly scarf that was only an inch away from me creeped me out.

"W-why are you –ngg- talking t-to me? I thought y-your friends were Stan and K-Kyle and Eric."

"Don't take offense, but I just couldn't find them. I started to look for people who were outside. I FOUND A SOLUTION! "

"W-what's your idea?" I demanded, almost not stuttering at all.

"Well, Miss Tweekie dear, I made a deal with the devil." Somehow, Kenny could say that with a blank face. My eye started to twitch.

DEVIL?!

I screamed a little. I even momentarily stopped being pissed at Kenny for calling me 'Miss Tweekie Dear'.

"Don't worry Tweek. You know how I'm immortal, right?" She asked in a joking voice. I scratched my head and looked back at her.

"GAH! No."

"Well, I AM immortal. I went to hell and Satan said that he will change back our genders the next time I see him!" Kenny smiled warmly, as if the word 'Satan' and the phrase 'change back out gender' could be found in the same sentence. SATAN?! IMMORTAL?! GAH!

I screamed again.

Kenny started to chuckle in some kind of evil, Satanic way.

**Kyle's POV:**

Stan and I were walking to Stark's pond. We were trying to get our mind off the incident that happened a little over two days ago. I wasn't having a pleasant time. Goth/emo Stan really, really pissing me off, even though I was totally overwhelmed with sadness over Kenny's death.

Even though she wasn't saying anything, her black cap that replaced her usual red and blue annoyed me to no end. Her now long and bouncy hair that would trail her is now emo as well. Something that pissed me off even more was her chocolate-yes, CHOCOLATE- cigarette. It looks retarded as hell, but whenever I would even make an effort to dispute about it, she would say "I don't need conformist ideas."

I growled. Believe it or not, there is a LINE between CONFORMISM and being a RETARD.

Enough of that annoying crap…Kenny's death…focus on Kenny's death.

And right in the Stark's pond clearing, two blonds were there sitting on the bench. The banana blond lion's mane girl was obviously Tweek, and the blond next to her was wearing an orange parka.

And she was laughing her ass off. I could hear gears turning in my head, but I shoved the thought away. Kenny was dead.

"KENNY!" Stan screamed while running toward them. I trailed behind Stan. I was tempted to scream 'IDIOT! KENNY'S DEAD', but that would make Tweek lose her little slice of sanity. Emo jumped onto Blondie and dragged her down into the snow. I also wanted to point out that emo people don't show positive emotions, but I was too overwhelmed by the fact that the blond looked like Kenny!

"Whoa, Stacy girl! I know you totally want to make out with me but this is a little quick, dont'cha think?" Kenny let out a snarky, muffled laugh and Stan punched him on the head with a grim "My fucking name is not fucking Stacy you fucking whore!"

"Dude! We thought you died!" I exclaimed while hugging Kenny, now suddenly not giving a shit about Tweek losing her sanity. Yup, this is definitely Kenny right here, right now. The same Kenny that pulled on my new red curls…just now.

"D-Died?!" Tweek squeaked out.

"Yeah, I died. But it's cool." Kenny said with a sad smile.

"What do you mean you died?! You're here! Right here!" I said loudly while moving my hands in gesture of Kenny. It got me really, really confused that Kenny was here, but I decided that crap happens and just to let crap happen. Stan nodded, but she-he seemed to be listening more than me. Kenny laughed, but it was sadder this time. It got me a little worried. Kenny's eyes looked a little disappointed.

"Hehe, Kyle you look like you're going to have a bitch fit." Kenny stated happily while somehow putting her arms around Stan, Tweek, and I all at once. I let out a small chuckle. Kenny dying seemed so real! Kenny shook her head slowly and her smile evaporated quickly.

"Yes, I did die. I die all the time. Four hundred and fifteen times, to be exact. Well, the ones that have been happening since the age of eight. I don't remember anything before then."

She's joking.

"Liar." I scoffed.

"Don't get your panties in a knot. Here-I'll give an example. Um…"

Kenny thought for a moment before her face lit up. I swear I saw a light bulb go over her head.

"Remember the time our 'gang'" Kenny put air quotes on gang "stayed at ol' Tweek's house in those days in the third grade for a project?" Stan and I nodded, and Tweek agreed by letting out a "GAH!"

"And we eventually saw underpants gnomes?" Kenny continued. I nodded.

"Yeah…and you know when I kind of died?"

"NO." All of us said, except for Kenny. She sighed, wrapped her brown scarf around her face in frustration and huffed.

"Think very hard. I died by a falling mine shaft and the gnomes screamed 'Jesus Christ look out!' and it fell on me? And then you said" Kenny pointed at Stan, "oh my god, and you" Kenny pointed at me "called him a bastard."

Kenny's speech sounded a little proverbial.

"Um…you know how I killed myself about two days ago?" Kenny piped up, with a nicer voice.

"How is that possible?!" Stan exclaimed.

"I die all the time. I die all the time!" Kenny exclaimed through her teeth, a little grimmer this time. She started to tighten her jaw.

I cleared my throat and tried to make amends before Kenny started to get as emo as Stan.

"Even if you were able to die, I think it's pretty cool not being able to die!" I mentioned genuinely. Really! Not being able to die is pretty damn cool!

**Kenny's POV:**

I went over FORTY SEVEN deaths with these three retards. One of the deaths I did, like, two days ago! Suicide and they temporarily fucking remember that I did DIE! And now they have convinced themselves something otherwise! AUGH!

I went over the time I died when we went to that water park and I drowned in the pee. They replied "I thought you weren't with us." With a FUCKING CHUCKLE. LIKE I AM JOKING. Damn these idiots. I could be curing cancer or something like that, but I'm here convincing these idiots death isn't funny (which is about as difficult as stapling water to a tree).

"How did we get out of the other dimension?" I suddenly blurted out. If this doesn't make them remember, I WILL shake them until their brains fall into place, even if Tweek wasn't there the whole time. All three looked confused.

"Tweek, this doesn't technically concern you. You two remember only a month ago or two months or whatever when we played superheroes? Cartman turned evil and he released Cthulhu?"

Stan looked a little shocked to be mentioning this again, but Tweek just started to shake violently.

"W-WHAT?! THAT'S IT! I-I CAN'T TAKE THE P-PRESSURE YOU GUYS G-GIVE ME! I'm OUT!" Tweek suddenly screamed while walking off.

"Yes, duh." Kyle responded with a roll of the eyes, ignoring Tweek's sudden action completely.

"And you know how our superhero gang got sucked into the other dimension?" I asked grimly as Stan and Kyle nodded their stupid little heads. I cleared my throat. "How did we get out of the dimension?"

"Well, duh, we…uh…" Kyle started to say but then trailed off with a confused look on his face. Dammit! I thought they would fucking commit to memory! But then again, I thought they remembered my suicide two days ago. Those idiots.

I noticed that I have been overusing idiot. I will now ironically refer to them as 'bastards'.

I let silent fall between all four of us for about ten seconds.

"I don't know, dude. I remember Bradley had super-powers!" Kyle said happily with a bob of her curls in an annoying way.

I hate Bradley.

"Yeah! He was so-o-o cool!"

"Could you stop thinking about Biggle and focus on HOW THE HELL we got out of the dimension?" I freaked over and pulled my blond hair.

"Dude, cool down. You're starting to act like Tweek." Stan negotiated.

"Pretty soon she'll be running around about pressure." Kyle cracked lamely. The two butt-buddies snickered at her stupid joke. I gritted my teeth.

"DIMENSION!" I reminded the two bastards.

"I think there were monsters." Kyle replied in a dumb (ironic, huh?) way.

Okay, OBVIOUSLY both of them would never be able to focus on my death.

"What about my suicide? Two days ago?" I asked in a tired voice.

"Dude, Stan and I were hallucinating." Kyle called out firmly.

"No. I killed myself. With a gun."

"Get out of my head!" Stan cried out. And she had a right to call me a Tweek?

"Where did you go two days ago?" I asked, as if talking to a baby.

"Kyle's house to play video games."

"After that?"

"Stan's place to watch TV."

"AND after that?"

"The smoothie place to get shit."

"After that?"

"The school."

Bingo.

"Yeah. You showed up there with beer and stuff and you let me drink the stuff." Stan said nervously, worried because Kyle looked pissed about beer again.

"And?" I pried more. Stan hesitated. I was afraid that he would suddenly forget.

"Then you just sat there and you had a gun on the table and…"

Stan started to say, but he-she trailed off again just to puke in the snow. The hell? Stan got half of her hair covered in puke and then she whipped her head up, spraying some vomit everywhere. Gross. And I'm talking from the perspective of the guy/girl who drowned in pee.

"-Oh my god. Kenny-I-I didn't know! I'm so sor-" Stan started to puke her guts out again, this time into her emo beanie with Kyle holding her hair. She looked back at me, her emo mascara looking more visible than ever.

I would dream about my bastard friends remembering my deaths, and I felt happier imagining it. I guess I was so shocked she actually recalled something. My face broke into a toothy grin.

"I-I still don't get it!" Kyle exclaimed loudly with a confused look. Usually smart-ass would get it first. "Dude, Kyle! He died-"

"Shh!" I interrupted Stan in mid-sentence. The last time Kyle lied about his 'period' to be cool. I didn't' want Kyle to lie again. She-he needs his own closure and own conclusions. Stan suddenly became a mind-reader because she-he smiled a reassuring smile as if she understood.

I could bet five bucks she is actually thinking about waffles, though.

"Um, do you remember the time I was mauled to death by Cartman's Fonic monkey thingie?" I asked, knowing at least one of the infamous duo will say NO.

"NO." Both said. Okay. So Stan still wasn't that awesome yet.

"Remember the time when I was shot by the Chinese mafia?"  
"NO."

"Remember the time I was wrestling and…"

**Cartman's POV:**

HA! I KNEW IT WAS SOMEONE FROM OUR CLASS!

I wasn't stalking Red, Bebe, or Wendy. Honest! I was really just um…going to go to Kenny's house to see if we um…could hang out, since he is neither emo nor a Jew or have super best friend butt-buddy rights. Basically, I stumbled –erg- upon the three girls and I was just about to walk by, but I heard "We are really sorry" and that –um- shit. I was TOTALLY NOT stalking.

So, now I know that it was someone from our class, the first thing that came to my mind was BLACKMAIL.

I could get all the cheesy poofs as I want from Wendy (since she now stays at the Marsh house, and Stan ALWAYS has cheesy poofs), I could get Bebe to go out with me, and get Red to be hated by everyone.

…**TiMe WaRp**

I knocked politely on Red's door. His house was closest to me. My plan was simple. I was going to infiltrate his house with blackmail and raid their fridge and maybe even watch TV, since he had cable and I didn't. I wanted to seem innocent, so I was kind of forced to wear my blue kitty coat.

Instead of a fire truck headed daywalker open the door, I saw boy Powder, a carrot top daywalker, who just fucking snorted at my presence and slammed the door shut. I knocked on it again. The door opened quicker this time, but instead of being just Red, it was also Powder. It didn't matter though. Powder and Red were, like, exactly the same. I cleared my throat.

"Hi. My name is Eric Cartman. I am aware-"

"We don't care." Powder quickly interrupted while rolling his eyes. Powder ran a hand through his orange-red hair and sighed, trying to close the door, except my foot was blocking it. Red was wearing a shocked face and was whispering "Powder! Don't be so mean!" Dammit, what happened to the girls who were sweet and shit? Aren't all girls like that?

"Don't cut me off, bitch!" I exclaimed.

"I think you have the least amount of authority to call me a bitch, bitch." Powder replied instantly, resulting a very shocked look from Red. I thought Red was going to back me up, but the butthole started to snicker.

"I want to go inside." I said loudly while giving Powder a shove.

"Well I want you to go die in a hole. But we don't always get what we want, do we?"

That was it! When I get out of this body, I'm going to turn Powder's parents into chili!

**Cartman…now at Bebe's house:**

I knocked on Bebe's door. Bebe better not be anything like Powder.

I waited for a patient ten minutes and then I rang the doorbell. This time, in a matter of seconds, Bebe's mom answered the door. I sighed in frustration. This blondie will have to do.

"Is Bebe home?" I asked gruffly.

"She's upstairs. Are you her friend?" I didn't want to say Bebe was my friend.

"NO." The mom didn't seem to care.

"Ok." She replied sweetly. I expected her to move and let me inside, but she just stood there and watched me very awkwardly. I picked at my kitty coat and expected her to at least SAY something. Nope.

"Can I see Bebe?"

"Yes." She still didn't move. I stared back at her. She didn't respond.

"Can I come inside?" I asked, exasperated.

"Oh, well why didn't you say so?" She FINALLY budged, and I slowly stepped inside. I looked back at the chubby bob-haired blond, and she was staring back at me. I rubbed my grubby boots onto their clean, white carpet. Serves the blondie right. I wanted to flip her off right then and there, but I couldn't go to boy-Bebe that way.

"Could I go upstairs?" I mentally tried to have her respond in a non-awkward way.

"Would you like a snack?" THAT IGNORENT BITCH! Wait. Oh, snacks!

"Yes."

"Yes what?" She replied. Does this woman have short termed memory loss? I wanted to call her a stupid whore, but I didn't want to be kicked out. After all, blackmail for Bebe was involved.

"Could I have a snack?"

"Oh, why didn't you say so?" She rushed into the kitchen.

"Yeah, bitch, go make me a sandwich!" I yelled back. I instantly covered my mouth with my hands, realizing that sounded better in my head.

She came back a minute later…with crackers and cheese.

She ate them in front of me and when I reached for one, she smacked my hand away.

Okay, screw girl Bebe, screw boy Bebe, screw this mom.

Screw this place; I'm going to Wendy's!

**Wendy's place (or the Marsh household):**

I didn't bother knocking on the door. I rang the doorbell a million times and kicked the door. If Wendy is anything like Powder or if Ms. Marsh answers, I will kill something.

No one answered the door and I pounded on the door even more.

"Hey! Stop doing that!" A Stan voice said from above me. I stepped off of their balcony and looked up to the bedroom window, just to see boy-Wendy there.

"Wendy, why the hell didn't you answer the door?" I yelled. She flushed red and hid. That moron.

"Wendy!" I screamed. In a matter of seconds, a boy Wendy popped his head out again. I rolled my eyes and flipped her off. He scowled at me and shut his door.

"Wendy! I-I just want to talk!" My voice cracked a little. The window unlocked almost instantly and his head popped out again. I didn't want to begin with the blackmail…

"How are y-you doing?" I yelled. She snickered.

"Fine. Thanks, girlie."

After a fairly awkward conversation, I suddenly blurted out the thing I needed to mention all along.

"I KNOW YOU SECRET!"

**Extra: Updates on the others:**

**Craig's POV:**

Ruby is still onto me. We barely speak to each other every day and the most common interaction was a flip of the finger. Now, whenever we see each other in the bathroom or hallways, she stops me and asks me a bunch of questions about my 'sexuality' and 'girl clothes' in a nasally voice. That little brat. If she realized what I am going through about dying my highlights back to black…

"Hey Craig. Are you still wearing that wig?"

I flipped her off.

"Are you gay now?"

I flipped the double bird.

"Are you gay for Spazzy-Pants or Dumbass?"

I gave her a yank of a pigtail and gave her the double bird twice.

"OH! CRAIG IS DRESSING UP FOR HIS CRUSHIE CRUSH CLYDE!"

I punched her in the face and then flipped her off twice.

"CRAIG IS TRANNIFIED FOR HIS LOVER, TWEEKERS!"

I almost beat the shit out of her, if mom didn't stop me. I still got to give her the double bird.

**Wendy's POV:**

I never took Stan seriously when he complained about how his family is a bunch of idiotic clowns. After experiencing his family first hand. Damn.

Randy Marsh is an idiotic retard who would risk his life for beer instead of his own children. He is ignorant and porn addicted. He isn't responsible, but I have to say he is really lighthearted and funny, but that just adds to his irresponsibility even more.

Sharon. I can't say she is a bad person, but she has been married so long to Randy that he rubbed off onto her.

Shelly. I know I am a little bit of a bitch (due to Bebe's constant bitching about me being a bitch. Ironic, right?) She takes out all of her anger by hitting Stan (or now, me) since she has no social, academic, or love life. Oh my god I could go on forever about this girl. At least Mr. Marsh had some good qualities in him. And this one time, Shelly…

**Clyde's POV:**

I munched on my taco.

I finished my taco.

I went up to get more.

To make a long story short, I ate more tacos.

**Butter's POV:**

After I turned back into (SIGH) girl-Butters, I stayed in my room for the rest of the evening.

Turning into Lexus was REALLY complicated. I went out to escape from my parents for a while, and some random guy mistook me for my sweetie Lexus, and made me work at Raisin's for hours! UGH!

After my shift at Raisins, I had to walk back to my house alone. It was really scary because it was kind of dark, and it started to rain. It was really, really scary! I rushed over to the closest house and knocked quickly on their door. I think there was lightning too!

I waited patiently.

Funny. This house smelled a little like coffee.

**Tweek's POV:**

I don't want to listen to Kenny's rants about death, man! I had a weird dream that he died by underpants gnomes. I don't listen to those monsters in my head anymore though, so it didn't matter.

I googled 'Gender Swap, cures' and 'how to change back to original gender' to see if any other people are dealing with this asshole of a problem, but everything that popped up was literally surgically SWITCHING genders! Who would want to do that?! I pulled my hair tightly and screamed. What if people swapped genders on purpose because they were supposed to? WHAT IF ALL MY FRIENDS USED TO BE GIRLS?!

I pushed every paranoid thought out of my head and tried to relax by drinking coffee. With the bitter taste in my mouth, I finally googled 'South Park, gender swap'. Surprisingly, fifty web pages popped up.

I skimmed through all of them, all of them being unusable.

"W-When did the –ngg- INTERNET G-GET STUPID!" I screamed and accidentally grazed my foot over my computer keyboard while I had some sort of tantrum (I don't know). WHEN DID THE INTERNET GET STUPID?! I snapped my head back and was just about to exit out of my internet window before…

**Dr. Alphonse Mephesto**

**North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes**

**-Four ass surgery, now only $150! **_**Click here for more information.**_

**-Ass to mouth surgery, now only $50! **_**Click here for more information.**_

I skimmed briefly through the page, slightly recalling that creepy old bat scientist who lived on the bad side of South Park. I was just about to exit again, but…

**-Gender potions and more, now only $200! **_**Click here for more information**_

My frown grew. It's not that I hated the idea of being a dude, but what if the government set this up, man? I didn't want to click on the link. What if a camera was going to pop out of nowhere and monsters suddenly started watching me and then MURDER! GAH!

It started to rain pretty hard, which creeped me out. I heard a slight knock on the door.

WHAT IF IT WAS THE GOVERNMENT?!

I screamed a little and turned on all the lights. What if it were the underpants gnomes coming for revenge?! But…what if it were Token or something and they just didn't want to get wet in the evening?!

I quickly put on my boxing gloves, JUST TO BE SAFE. What if it were Cartman! Sweet Jesus!

I stumbled downstairs and tightened the straps and strings in my boxing gloves. My eye twitched and I hastily opened the door. I expected to see a chullo boy flipping me off or a short midget with underwear, so I punched the unknown person in the nose without thinking. It may have been a classmate, so I didn't punch hard. WHAT IF IT WAS THE GOVERNMENT?!

"Ow-gee, Tweek! I didn't know I wasn't your friend!" Butters cried out while wiping her bleeding nose with her blond pigtails.

"OH MY GOD BUTTERS ARE YOU OKAY?! I DIDN'T KNOW-I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GNOME! I AM SO-SO SORRY! AUGH! YOU PROBABLY HATE ME! OH MY GOD BLOOD! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE! I AM SORRY!" I rambled on even more, but Butters just came in and took off my boxing gloves for me.

"No, Tweek. It's okay. It really did hurt. Can you get me some ice, please?"

…

Butters pressed the ice against his nose and sat on my bed, where my laptop was placed askew. I quickly fixed it and showed her the website I was talking about a few moments ago.

"Oh yeah! He is that scientist from the other part of town! Where Kenny lives!" Butter said excitedly while dragging my mouse toward the link with click more info.

"N-No, dude! W-What if it is a-a –ngg- government f-file?" I inquired loudly while gulping down my coffee. Butters smiled a little and clicked on the link. As it loaded, she explained "Don't be silly!"

The page loaded only seconds later.

"This is our answer, Tweek!"


	18. Beth and Garrison are onto me!

****Author's note: Christophe's accent is written totally phonetically (I hate it when authors try to make Christophe's speech sound like the way it does in the movie, especially if it is with every word and makes it super hard to understand). Christophe's accent is also written like "(-insert message-)". Chow's Tiger. I really wonder what store that could be. Does anyone know?**

**Wendy's POV:**

I bit my lip nervously and basically emptied the cheesy poof section in the SNACKS section at the stupid Chow Tiger Store. Just a few hours ago, Cartman had threatened to reveal my jinx curse to the whole class. I guess I didn't have a choice. I want to HELP everyone. Not screw people over more than I have already done.

"Hey Wendy!" Clyde greeted from across the snack aisle. Kevin Stoley was there too but honestly, I acknowledged her and her buddy a few minutes ago, but I didn't want to talk to her. I walked faster across the floor and tried to escape from Clyde and Kevin.

Somehow, after only a minute or so, the she-he's caught up with me. Clyde was carrying one of the giant carts; her messy brown hair drizzled over all of the food products she was planning to buy (taco shells, taco meat, and barbeque sauce, everything in sickeningly large amounts). Kevin, on the other hand, seemed only to be buying Chinese noodle packs.

"Hi." I greeted politely and flashed a forced grin. They smiled back, which somehow made me a little pissed off. I looked around to make sure the coast was clear.

"You know what can happen if you're caught here, right?! You aren't wearing your disguise!" I hissed at Clyde and pointed a scolding finger at him. I was wearing my Stan disguise, but Clyde was wearing his girl clothes. Kevin hissed 'I told you, so!' Kevin AT LEAST had her wig on and boy clothes on. Jesus.

"Dude, calm down. I am here with my sister. She can be trusted." I rolled my eyes. I still couldn't BELIEVE Clyde told his sister. Traitorous hypocrite.

"Well I'M here with Mr. and Mrs. Marsh, so it looks convincing. You and your friend can learn a thing or two from me, dumbasses." I snorted and continued buying everything on Cartman's shopping list she gave me. Somehow, I'm going to convince Stan's parents to buy this junk food.

"That's mean, dude." Kevin commented with a cold stare in her dark eyes. She then ultimately blushed when I growled at her and then she continued to shop for more varieties of noodles in some mortifying silence.

"Jesus, Wendy. What crawled up your ass and died? Is it true wearing Stan's clothes making you a cynic like him?" Clyde asked sarcastically. "How are you going to convince the Marshes to buy all that stuff?"

I stayed silent.

"At least Stan isn't an asshole to people who are just trying to make friendly conversation." Clyde opened her mouth to continue with this useless ridicule before Kevin made her stop. I wanted to apologize, but I decided it was best for me to continue with shopping. I scoffed and continued shopping for Cartman's junk food.

"Wow. To think I thought you were nice." Clyde finally concluded with hurt in her voice. Kevin agreed in silence and a bob of her head.

I was about to turn around and apologize, but the two were already gone.

Dammit. That's two of my friends who already hate me.

…

When I knocked on Cartman's door with loads of Cheesy Poofs in my hands, I had somehow managed to get several other people to hate me. Clyde and Kevin told Craig and Token, so basically ¾ of Craig's gang wants to beat the shit out of me. Craig is probably going to tell Jimmy and Tweek by the end of the day, so make that the whole Craig's gang. I can see it now. Craig and Tweek will beat me up just like they did to the fatso. I'm going to match bruises with Cartman's bruises! I also happened to run into Red, to which I commented how mean she was for telling Cartman, so she hates me now.

Dammit.

Cartman's door was quickly opened, and fatso welcomed me in with a stupid smirk. Her house smelled like a mix of stale Cheesy Poofs and cat poop, so my intentions for staying in this dump were cut even shorter.

"You probably won't be staying here for long. Just drop the Cheesy Poofs into the bin in an ORDERLY MANNER, Wendy." She declared, as if she was actually talking to more people other than me. I rolled my eyes and casually dumped the Poofs into the bin and started to walk off…

"Ah, Wendy! Wendy, Wendy, Wendy…you actually think I'm going to let you off that easy?" She suddenly said loudly while already opening two packs of Cheesy Poofs.

I turned around.

"Ay! Now I have your full attention! Anyway-" She emptied one bag of orange curls with a gulp and cleared her throat, "I am now requesting you go BACK to Chow's Tiger and get me some cheese and crackers. The ones Bebe buys."

"First, it took me FOREVER to convince Mrs. Marsh to let me buy this orange cheese crap, and seconds, how the hell should I know what kind of cheesy-crackers Bebe buys?"

"Ah! Pre-made cheese ON the crackers!" Girl Cartman smirked. I frowned.

"I don't give a crap!" I screamed.

"Don't get cut your short hair shorter, Wendy. Go back to the store and get me some cheesy crackers. Steal them for all I care."

Our insults flew around a little longer before I stopped it from becoming a full-fledged argument.

"Anything else?" I asked, trying to bite back my other comments.

"Oh, here." She threw me a walkie talkie with a stupid smirk on her pudgy face. I caught it instantly and looked at it suspiciously.

"It's not going to kill you. Just do whatever I say. I can hear everything, by the way." Cartman flashed her own walkie talkie in my face before she pushed me out of her house.

I wasn't going to let her have the last word though. I opened my mouth and-

"I heard that your mother was a speed-freak whore in a leper colony for years and loved every second of it but then she found out that the other whores got paid!" I said in a sarcastically happy tone before ultimately heading back to Chow's Tiger. Dammit. I'm becoming a full-fledged bitch.

**Butter's POV:**

"See, look, Tweekers." I hope she didn't mind me calling her that. "There are even multiple ways to change back!"

"C-Click on –ngg more options." Tweek suggested with a sigh. I flew the mouse over and clicked.

"Would you like to visit a different web page, meet Dr…" I trailed off and started to read in my head. My golly, there were like fifty options!

"GAH! L-Look! C-Categories for g-gender switching!" Tweek pointed out again and she clicked on it. After the web page loaded, I started to read off some of the options.

"Change gender for twelve hours…get boobies for three hours…Oh look! They even supply a picture of the results!" I mentioned happily. Tweek started to scream and cover her face.

Tweek and I went over a couple more gender options. It was getting kind of tedious after a few more options. We were about to give up but after a while I read over one that looked king of promising.

"Change back to original gender…" I trailed off in a soft voice.

"C-Click on it!" Tweek exclaimed. I moved the mouse slowly toward the link. I wanted to build up suspension (like you know, in those Indie moves and stuff). Golly, I think this will make a great movie one day! Right when my mouse was almost about to-

"C-CLICK ON IT!" Tweek screamed, pulling my pigtails. I quickly clicked on the link.

"It's loading!" Tweek and I cried out joyfully and we shared an awesome fist bump. I never knew why we didn't hang out more often. Tweek was pretty darn cool!

Except her house smelled like coffee and I don't like coffee.

But still!

_Windows could not open webpage, please try again later._

I scanned the sentence once and groaned. I looked back at Tweek, but she was busy tugging her hair and re-reading the sentence with wide eyes. Gee, I didn't know that eyes can open so widely!

"Oh m-my god! NO INTERNET CONNECTION! ACK! I'M S-SO SORRY BUTTERS! I DIDN'T KNOW PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

"Kill you? We can just refresh the page!"

I refreshed the page. Still nothing.

"Right click the internet button and then close. If that doesn't work, I think we should restart, huh?" I suggested. Tweek instantly did both tasks in under a minute. I don't think she was breathing either.

"Wow! You're good with technology!" I mentioned.

Tweek scoffed. Ow. That hurt. Maybe he/she has been hanging around mean people too much.

"N-Nothing! W-We need –ngg- answers! NOW!" Tweek demanded while shutting down her laptop.

"What are you doing?" I asked. Tweek didn't answer, but she did get up, grab her thermos, and put on her Harbucks sweatshirt. She hopped into her newly bought tennis shoes and threw mine next to where I was sitting.

"W-We have to –ngg- g-go to Wendy's! H-He lives across t-the street!" She explained in one breath while tapping her foot impatiently.

…

"It's cold!" I whined as the rain pelted onto my nice new blue jacket I found at the back of my closet just yesterday. I liked it, but Tweek didn't seem to care that much.

"C'mon! We c-can't be s-seen! GAH! W-We aren't wearing our –ngg- disguises! If t-the government sees us w-we are both –ngg-dead! I can't –ngg- handle that p-pressure!" Tweek said quietly while dragging me toward the Testaburger door. Both of us basically crawled up the brick steps.

"What if she isn't home?" I asked Tweek. Tweek stopped rubbing her shoes on the welcome doormat and froze completely. I thought she was dying for a second. Her eyebrows suddenly raised and her nose crunched up.

"OH MY GOD WHAT IF SHE ACTUALLY HATES ME AND SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO COME INSIDE OH SWEET JESUS I CAN'T HANDLE THAT KIND OF PRESSURE!" Tweek screamed. The door instantly swung open and a pair of arms dragged both of us inside.

There was a warm blast of air. I think my new jacket was drying up instantly! I looked up just to see boy Wendy, not smiling but not frowning at us…but you couldn't say his face was a blank stare.

"You two are supposed to be wearing your new clothes!" Wendy scolded, but kept the blankish-maddish-saddish-somethingish-or-the-otherish stare.

"Sounds like Tweek is home." A muffled, almost electronic voice said from the kitchen. Wendy flushed red and headed for the kitchen. The house suddenly grew quiet. Huh. I guess the funny buzzing wasn't a hallucination!

**Kenny's POV:**

Even though Kyle hasn't REMEMBERED any of my deaths specifically, I still managed to get the idiot to help with my plan. Stan still isn't awesome, since she totally all the time backs up her best friend (coughcoughBUTTcoughBUDDYcoug h. Wow. I must have a cold).

We were still at Stark's Pond discussing my totally awesome plan to ask Satan for help. Of course, both found asking for the Devil's help is all wrong and how I should ask God and such, but I am still sticking to the original plan. Sure, I can get INTO heaven. I guess. Maybe.

"(So, what is the plan, bitches?)" Christophe suddenly popped in and sided onto the Stark's Pond bench. Stan and Kyle moved back and let the Frenchman take up all the room. Wait, what?

"Christophe?" I asked in my high-pitched voice.

"(Still me.)" He answered in a very thick accent.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the underworld?"

"(Ouch.)" He responded sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and continued.

"B-But…you-YOU were a-at the cage next to moi!" I sputtered, my mind not yet catching up with my mouth. Wasn't he in hell?!

"(I'm sorry; I can't understand you through your scarf.)" He replied sardonically in his accent. I quickly took it off and started to run my mouth again (even though I am 101% positive that he heard me the first flipping time).

"But I saw you! In your cage! Reading your stupid magazines!"

"(First, don't call my magazines stupid, bitch. Second, that moment when you made a deal to stay in hell for me I went back up to the world and shit. But, shit, I died by a freak accident.)"

"What was it?" Kyle spoke up. I forgot the my idiot buddies were still there.

"(One minute, I'm just smoking my cigarette behind someone's house, and the next thing I know some giant German Shepard pounces on me. I return to hell and meet up with you)" He points to me "(again. I was surprised that you didn't ask questions when I returned. Now, I have free access to go to hell and come back whenever I want!)"

"Not being able to die is a fucking curse." I commented darkly. Christophe scoffed as if I were stupid. But I'm not stupid.

"(Shit, you must be more stupid as a girl. I still don't have the curse to have incredible bad luck when it comes to this and when I DO go to hell I can stay as long as I want. I don't know why I came back, but WHAT IS THE PLAN, bitches?)"

…

Slight change in plans.

**Tweek's POV:**

First, I suck at a lot of things. I know I'm that to-tall-awkward-can't-do-anything-right kid and I hate myself for it. The only thing that makes me feel the slightest bit wanted in any degree whatsoever was my ability to serve coffee.

When I ask, "Can I take your order?" I say it with NO STUTTERS and I barely twitch. I can make the perfect coffee in under a minute and I suddenly get super awesomely epic at math and can count change like some kind of fucking BOSS. Of course, all my customers give me this really odd look because they have never seen a 4th grader serve coffee like such a BOSS. At least I hope they are thinking that.

Now, I have no idea why I thought of that before.

After Butters and I got kicked out of Wendy's house because he apparently had 'stuff' to do. Bull. But continuing…

I got an emergency call from mom and dad to come and manage the coffee shop. My parents usually ignore me like I'm a lamppost or something, but when suddenly when it comes to coffee I am like their forty year old manager, not a paranoia-suffering-twitchy-ADHD-bipolar-Schizophrenia kid.

I guess they were so busy they didn't notice my 'new appearance'. I also guess they were so busy they didn't realize that it was illegal for a 4th grader to be managing a store alone.

It's always super quiet at Harbucks and I don't mind it like that. I always can busy myself by cleaning the floors and-

Ding!

The door opened and I looked up from the espresso machine. It was about ten at night, so I really didn't know why anyone should be getting coffee at this hour.

I saw Mr. Garrison with a scowl on his face. Beth had tailed along.

SHIT! WHY DO SHITTY THINGS HAPPEN TO ME?! SWEET JESUS!

I mumbled to myself and tried to act cool. I took a quick look at my clothes and screamed at myself for still wearing my girl clothes. At least both of them wouldn't be able to recognize me. I hope. Just act cool, Tweek…

"H-Hi, c-c-c-can I take –ngg- y-your –order?" I mumbled out and fumbled with my notepad in my hands. The two looked at me with death in their eyes. Were they sent from the gnomes? Jesus, I can't handle that kind of pressure!

"Is this the place?" Mr. Garrison asked Beth, totally ignoring me. I sighed in relief and tried to preoccupy myself by making myself my own latte. Beth whispered an 'I think'. I suddenly stopped and I let everything that just happen absorb. Wait…

IS THIS THE PLACE?! THE HELL?! That sounds just like the murder house or some kind of chainsaw massacre or one of those stupidly horrifying shit your pants movies that Clyde and Craig made me watch! What if some kind of giant conspiracy just sent these two drug addict government agents disguised as Garrison and Beth and they had giant chainsaws under their clothes that will rip space and time in one swing oh _sweet Jesus!_

"There is only one way to make sure. I was here before." Beth whispered. My head slowly creaked behind me to get a glimpse of them. My cheeks flushed red and started to tug, pull, haul, rip, _fucking tear _my hair out of my scalp.

"We would like to order, please!" Mr. Garrison/Government conspirator said. My head snapped to the side and I trudged to the counter. I fumbled with my apron and my hand darted to my order notepad. I forced a smile and my left eye twitched.

"C-Can I take your order?" I said almost effortlessly. I HAVE to make a good impression on the security camera government. Oh no, what if the impression was ruined?! OH MY GOD I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

"Seems legit." Beth whispered. He say legit now?!

"Yes, I would like Espresso Roast." Mr. Garrison tapped his finger on the counters and looked at Beth expectantly.

"Oh! And I would like, um, like um…like…what is the coffee that tastes most like, um a milkshake?" He asked in a slightly annoying voice. I tightened my jaw and flashed my fakest smile ever.

"The Frappuccinos." I wasn't lying to these government agents. Frappuccinos are overpriced milkshakes.

"Yeah! I'll have one of those please!" He exclaimed brightly in a super high pitched voice (for a new found dude, that is).

I hurried myself to the coffee machine thingies and blender and made their orders instantly. I took a glimpse back as Beth's drink was blending and both of them were whispering to each other. Sweet Jesus I HATE whispery people! They could be saying anything!

I sighed, twitched, and took both of their orders into my hands. My head started to spin, as did my stomach.

You know when I said I could handle my coffee job really well even though I'm only in 4th grade?

Now I don't know why I thought that.

I just turned around and I don't know why I didn't expect it. I guess I forgot that I had two customers so I was stunned again that there were two glaring people behind the counter. I stumbled forward and my hands clenched.

Shit.

The Espresso and Frappuccino spilled instantly and poured all over the floor and my apron. The cold Frappuccino and the super burning hot Espresso mixed on my apron, seeped through my clothes, just to give me a super prickly hot-warm-cold feeling on my stomach, which made me make some seizure like motion…which spilled the remaining contents onto Beth and Garrison.

I looked up, dazed, but then my eyes widened to see Beth and Garrison there, shocked and appalled looks on their faces.

"OH SWEET JESUS I AM SO, SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED! YOU MUST HATE ME OH MY GOD PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME!" I screamed and put my hands up in a surrender motion.

They didn't respond. Their heads just tilted to the sides.

"That seems like Tweek alright." Mr. Garrison jeered at Beth. I froze in my spot and tugged my hair.

"No, that may look and sound like him, but when we went here Tweek didn't stutter and was really good at serving coffee." Beth lectured.

I put two and two together slowly inside my head. Oh god! These two were literally OUT TO GET ME!

"How can we be sure this isn't just him as a girl and is twitchier?"

"No, Tweek's family is naturally born to serve coffee. Like the janitors were born to clean." Beth replied dumbly. I scoffed in my head and continued to try to remake their orders.

Right when I drizzled the syrup in Beth's order, one of them said something that made me feel dead cold.

"Are you sure, Beth? This really is too much of a coincidence." I think Mr. Hat murmured.

"The lion's mane and twitchiness is just too suspicious."

I tripped over my own feet and spilled their same order onto the floor again. My ears burned red and I gnawed onto my bottom lip. Crap, crap, crap!

"S-Sorry!" I murmured and reached for the mop. I blindly reached for the mop.

Oh no.

My hands darted into the dirty water bucket, which made the whole bucket spill. I screamed in panic, stopped giving a shit on what Beth and Garrison thought, and accidentally dumped the remaining contents of their order…

Onto myself.

"Gross!" Beth exclaimed and pointed at me. That made me lose my balance and I slipped into the dirty water coffee milk ice thing and I sloshed in it even more. Gross!

Mr. Garrison extended a hand forward and I grabbed it. I thought he was trying to help me up, but it turned out he was just reached for a napkin. The whole napkin canister somehow FLEW from the counter. The napkins created ripples in the water puddles and the metal canister bounced off my head.

I don't know if it was just because of my crappy memory or the canister caused a hiccup in my brain process, but all I know is that the rest was a blur.

…

I came back to clear consciousness that I think was only several minutes later. My back was killing me, but I forced myself to get up. The dirty watery coffee drizzled right off me. I have no idea what happened between the napkin canister fail and right now, but all I know is that 'the supposed, maybe government agents' Beth and Garrison fled. All the syrup bottle contents, half the sugar in the bag, and all the hot water in the coffee maker had spilled into the puddles of already espresso frappuccino dirty water.

I screamed again, but I forced myself to take off my soggy apron, shoes, socks, and pants and I positioned myself onto the still dry counter, in nothing in my underpants and soggy shirt. I looked around to see that the counter holding all the overpriced pastries was broken, and a few pastries were missing.

I suddenly forgot about the water on the floor and dipped my feet down. I immediately regretted it because not only did two sharp pains run through my feet, but the murky water was just disgusting. I practically crawled to the broken pastry counter. I wanted to see clearly the damage that has been done, but instead I found a few dollars and coins, and a torn edge of a napkin with neat, teacher like handwriting on it.

_We know. We'll be back too._

I fainted on the spot.

**TiMe WaRp, to the next morning. Craig's POV:**

I know that Tweek is really clumsy and a neurotic little bastard, but since he/she is my friend, I was obligated to check on her at Harbucks.

I opened the door and I froze.

I saw Tweek. In only her awkwardly put on shirt and underpants. My cheeks dusted red and I stepped toward her to try to help.

Wrong move.

My foot connected with some kind of murky looking water. I then realized that the whole place was flooded with giant puddles, only a few places remaining dry. The worse flood was behind the counter where Tweek serves coffee, so I am guessing she was responsible for this mess.

Typical.

I sure as hell wasn't even going to attempt to clean this up, but I walked over to Tweek, not giving a shit about what I stepped in, and lifted her up bridal style with ease. I don't know whether if it was because I was awesomely just strong like that of Tweek was as skinny as an anorexic, but I had easily put her onto the dry counter. I put her apron on top of her, which was in a weird stale damp mode, but more clothing the better.

I made my cheeks to stop burning and leaned in to her.

My face was close to her face.

"TWEEK TWEAK GET THE HELL UP AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS YOU OBVIOUSLY FLIPPING DID."

She bolted up instantly, and her nose hit my nose. Hard.

"Shit, Tweek!" I exclaimed.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Tweek screamed.

"I don't know." I replied nasally.

"Oh god, Craig!" She leapt forward. I guess the Spazmoid didn't realize that she was currently on a counter, so she tripped over herself and dived into the water.

Right after she was done screaming in the water, I helped her up.

Silently, both of us started to attempt to drain out the store with various mops and towels.

Spazzy idiot.

**The plan:**

Step 1: Christophe (The 'Ze' Mole) dies and goes to hell.

"Which I will gladly help! I volunteer to kill this bastard!" Kenny exclaimed happily.

Step 2: Christophe talks to Satan

"(Because I am the bets talker ever.)" Christophe scoffed in his thick accent.

Step 3: Satan agrees to help. For some souls, of course.

"Dibs on not doing it." Kyle and Stan said dully in unison.

Step 4: Sacrifice the following; Cartman and those goddamn Harry Potter kids.

"Lord of the Rings is SO much better." Stan said snobbery.

Step 5: Satan helps us and saves the day.

"Does anyone else think that sounds morally wrong? Anybody?" Kyle asked.

Step 6: WE ARE IN OUR ORIGINAL GENDERS. YIPPEE.


End file.
